BLEACH Performs Disney
by C.Queen
Summary: Me forcing BLEACH to perform Disney songs. Must love both the series and be an avid Disney lover to appreciate my insanity
1. First Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original ideas expressed in this fic in between songs and what have you. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you have as good a time reading as I did writing. Please write me some reviews, and requests are always welcome!

Sry bout the spacing, I couldn't get it to go right. Let me know if this is impossible to follow, grumpy look

The Insanity Begins

Hi, I'm the evil and demented C.Queen. I rule over my little Anime universe with an iron fist and have devoted myself to the mistreatment and torture of a wide varity of characters in an ever widening amount of anime series'. I am also a Disney kid, and can still, at the age of twenty three, sing along with most of the songs without even needing to hear the music to get going. I know, I'm very sad. The following little fun resulted from a sugar high compounded by sleep deprevation. Neither is a good thing when the person experiencing these smytoms simutaniously is me. So anyway, without further ado, I give you the latest evil I will visit upon my current series of choice, BLEACH.

A darkened room appears than lights, revealing the entire cast of BLEACH strapped into chairs reminicent of the electric chairs you see in old movies before soem criminal gets fried. The general atmosphere is simmering hatred, and it's about to get so much worse.

C.Queen: Ladies and Gentlemen, for the first time in Soul Society's long history, I give you a musicale to end all musicales as these fine people in the audience are forced, by me, to preform Disney for you.

Zaraki: What the hell is friggin Disney?

Nemu: Actually, Captain Zaraki, it's a who in this case. His name was Walt Disney and he was the creator of some of the greatest works of animation during the mid to late 20th century. He-

Hitsugaya: We get the picture.

Matsumoto: Well this could be fun.

everyone gives her dark, disbelieving looks

Nanao: Are you forgetting the insanity that is this woman? Have you forgotten all she's done to us in the last two years!

Matsumoto: You're just mad that she made you shit faced in that one fanfiction.

Nanao: And you just like her because she's the only other woman out there dumb enough to think that Gin's hot.

C.Queen: You know I heard that.

Kyoraku: Uh oh, Nanao chan.

Nanao: Shut up. And before you do something to me, remember how mad you are at Aizen right now.

C.Queen: Hmmm...that's a good point...I'll spare you for now, since Kyoraku will torture you for me without even trying to. All right you bad, bad boys. You're first up! tries to snap fingers and fails horribly damn, why can I never do that? Oh well-

shrugs and does the 'I Dream of Genie' head bong.

Aizen, Gin, and Ten appear onstage. Aizen is wearing what looks like ridiculous lion pyjamas complete with a hood with ears and a black mane. Adorable black whiskers and a fake looking scar over one eye completed the look. Gin and Ten, well their kiddie pyjamas were grey with black yarn sticking up like a Mohawk starting from the top of their heads and working its way down their backs. No one quite knew what they were supposed to be. All around the three on the stage was rock and bright flashes of flame.

Ichigo: What the hell are they supposed to be? The other two I mean.

Nemu: They're supposed to be hyenas. She's recreating a scene from the Lion King.

C.Queen: And with that introduction, take it away, Aizen!

Aizen: I know that your powers of retention

Are as wet as Omeada's backside

But thick as you are, pay attention

My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions

The lights are not all on upstairs

But we're talking souls and successions

Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime

Be prepared for sensational news

A shining new era

Is tiptoeing nearer

Gin: And where do we feature?

Aizen: Just listen to teacher

I know it sounds sordid

But you'll be rewarded

When at last I am given my dues!

And injustice deliciously squared

Be prepared!

Tosen: Be prepared for what?

Aizen: For the death of Rukia Kuchiki!

Tosen: Why? Is she sick?

Aizen: No, you fool, we're going to kill her... and the General too!

Gin: Great idea! Who needs a boss?

Gin and Tosen: No boss, No boss, nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Aizen: Idiots! There will BE a boss!

Tosen: But you just said...

Aizen: I will be boss!

Stick with me, and you'll never see Omaeda again!

Gin and Tosen : YEA!! Long live the boss!

It's great that we'll soon be connected

With a boss who'll be all-time adored

Aizen: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected

To take certain duties on board

The future is littered with prizes

And though I'm the main addressee

The point that I must emphasize is

YOU WONT GET A SNIFF WITHOUT ME!

So prepare for the coup of the century

Be prepared for the murkiest scum

(Ooooh!)

Meticulous planning

(We'll have food!)

Tenacity spanning

(Lots of food)

Decades of denial

(We repeat)

Is simply why I'll

(Endless meat)

Be boss undisputed

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

respected, saluted

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

And seen for the wonder I am

(Aaaaaaaaaah!)

Yes my plan and ambitions are bared

Be prepared!

Gin and Tosen: Yes, our plans and ambitions are bared

Be prepared!

dead silence

Kyoraku: OH MAKE THEM DO IT AGAIN!

Zaraki: Now that's what I call entertainment.

Yachiru: I take back all the mean things I ever said about C.Queen and the crappy way she treats me. mutters under breath Letting Kuchiki treat me like that...letting him...

C.Queen: Quit mumbling, shortie. I HAVEN'T forgotten all the names you've been calling me lately. In fact, your whole division has been displeasing me lately.

Zaraki: Oh hell no.

another head bong and Aizen, Gin and Tosen leave the stage to return to their restricting chairs, obviously bewildered as to what had just happened and embarrassed as hell.

Tosen: I'm so glad I'm blind right now.

Gin: Awwww..you looked pretty cute up there, Ten. Very plushie.

Tosen: I don't even want to know what that means.

Aizen: We are assassinating that woman first chance we get.

Gin: You've been saying that for a while now, and look who keeps getting his ass kicked?

Aizen: Shut up, Ichimaru.

C.Queen: And now, for the next victims of my insanity!

head bong again ouch, that hurts the neck

the third and fifth seat from the eleventh division appear onstage, both dressed in plushie costumes that make them look like two Dalmatian puppies.

Ukitake: They look so cute!

Hitsugaya: You are so weird.

C.Queen: And here we are, onto our next act!

Yumichika: Yachiru De Vil  
Yachiru De Vil  
If she doesn't scare you  
No evil thing will  
To see her is to  
Take a sudden chill  
Yachiru, Yachiru De Vil

Ikkaku: The curl of her lips  
The evil in her stare  
All innocent children  
Had better beware  
She's like a spider waiting  
For the kill  
Look out for Yachiru De Vil

Yumichika: At first you think  
Yachiru is the devil  
But after time has worn  
Away the shock  
You come to realize  
You've seen her kind of eyes  
Watching you from underneath  
A rock!

Together: This vampire bat  
This inhuman beast  
She ought to be locked up  
And never released  
The world was such  
A wholesome place until  
Yachiru, Yachiru De Vil

bong and they're back in they're back in their seats

Yumichika: We are dead.

Ikkaku: So totally dead.

Yumichika: We're beyond dead. My beautiful face!

Ikkaku: Neither of us are going to have a face as soon as she's out of the restraints.

Yachiru: You've got that damn right.

C.Queen: Isn't everyone just having such a lovely time? And just think, this is only the first chapter!

General consensus? They were doomed.

C.Queen: And now, for the last performance for this evening...I think a big group number is only appropriate. Don't you?

Soifon: I really don't.

C.Queen: Oh don't worry, I have something special planned just for you.

Soifon: Oh God.

C.Queen: But as I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the final act for this lovely chapter. I bring you...a Soul Society.

head bonging

Nemu appears on stage, dressed in a blue dress with a white shirt underneath, with a book in hand. On stage is what looks like an empty town

Nemu: Soul Society

It's a quiet city

Ev'ry day

Like the one before

Soul Society

Full of many people

Waking up to say:

rest of Soul Society appears on stage in full uniform

Soul Society: Bonjour!

Bonjour!

Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!

Nemu: There goes the captain with his nap, like always

The same old stories and excuses to sell

Ev'ry morning just the same

Since the morning that we came

To this poor provincial town

Kyoraku: Good Morning, Nemu chan!

Nemu: 'Morning, Captain.

Kyoraku: Where are you off to?

Nemu: The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story

about a beanstalk and an ogre and a -

Kyoraku: That's nice. Nanao chan! The baguettes! Hurry up!

Soul Society: Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question

Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?

Never part of any crowd

'Cause her head's up on some cloud

No denying she's a funny girl that Nemu

Kuchiki: Bonjour

Zaraki: Good day

Kuchiki: How is your hellion?

Nanao: Bonjour

Kyoraku: Good day

Nanao: How was your nap?

Unohanna: I need six grams

Isane: That's too expensive

Nemu: There must be more than this provincial life

Ukitake: Ah, Nemu san

.

Nemu: Good Morning. I've come to return the book I borrowed.

Ukitake: Finished already?

Nemu: Oh, I couldn't put it down. Have you got anything new?

Ukitake: Ha Ha! Not since yesterday.

Nemu: That's all right. I'll borrow . . . . . this one!

Ukitake: That one? But you've read it twice!

Nemu: Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring swordfights,

magic spells, a prince in disguise -

Ukitake: If you like it all that much, it's yours!

Nemu: But sir!

Ukitake: I insist.

Nemu: Well, thank you. Thank you very much!

Soul Society: Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar

I wonder if she's feeling well

With a dreamy far-off look

And her nose stuck in a book

What a puzzle to the rest of us is Nemu

Nemu: Oh, isn't this amazing?

It's my fav'rite part because you'll see

Here's where she meets Prince Charming

But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three

Hinamori: Now it's no wonder that her name means "beauty"

Her looks have got no parallel

Kira: But behind that fair facade

I'm afraid she's rather odd

Very diff'rent from the rest of us

Soul Society: She's nothing like the rest of us

Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us is Nemu

Hana: Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Omaeda! You're the greatest

hunter in the whole world!

Omaeda: I know.

Hana: No beast alive stands a chance against you. Ha ha ha! And

no girl, for that matter.

Omaeda: It's true, you fool. And I've got my sights set on that one.

Hana: Hm! The inventor's daughter?

Omaeda: She's the one - the lucky girl I'm going to marry.

Hana: But she's -

Omaeda: The most beautiful girl in town.

Hana: I know, but -

Omaeda: That makes her the best. And don't I deserve the best?

Hana: Well, of course! I mean you do, but -

Omaeda: Right from the moment when I met her, saw her

I said she's gorgeous and I fell

Here in town there's only she

Who is beautiful as me

So I'm making plans to woo and marry Nemu

Nanao, Matsumoto and Isane: Look there he goes

Isn't he dreamy?

Captain Kuchiki

Oh he's so ripped

Be still my heart

I'm hardly breathing

He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome-

Kira: Bonjour!

Omaeda: Pardon

Renji: Good day

Hisagi: Mais oui!

Nanao: You call this bacon?

Isane: What lovely grapes!

Yachiru: Some cheese

Matsumoto: Ten yards

Yachiru: one pound

Omaeda: 'scuse me!

Kuchiki: I'll get the knife

Omaeda: Please let me through!

Nanao: This bread -

Kuchiki: Those fish -

Nanao: it's stale!

Kuchiki: they smell!

Kyoraku: Nanao chan's mistaken.

Nemu: There must be more than this provincial life!

Omaeda: Just watch, I'm going to make Nemu my wife!

Soul Society: Look there she goes a girl who's strange but special

A most peculiar mad'moiselle

It's a pity and a sin

She doesn't quite fit in

'Cause she really is a funny girl

A beauty but a funny girl

She really is a funny girl

That Nemu

Nemu: I'm peculiar, odd and funny? But I was told I didn't have a sense of humor.

curtains and sweat drop


	2. Second Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in. The lyrics and BLEACH characters in no way, shape, or form belong to me. More the pity.

Second Act

**curtain rises**

CQueen: I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Yachiru: Damn. I had hoped the root canal would kill her.

CQueen: Bringing that up is a really bad idea, you little demon spawn from hell. **rubs jaw**

Yachiru: Who you calling little you big-!

Zaraki: Are you trying to get us all killed?

Yachiru: But..but...

Hitsugaya: She's going to torture us anyway. Don't make it worse than it already is.

Matsumoto: My captain is so smart.

Hitsugaya: Kissing up to me isn't going to make me take your place if she tries to pick you. It's everyone for themselves.

Matsumoto: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

CQueen: Anyways..we should probably get on with the show, seeing as I don't have all day.

Kuchiki: You're just using us as an excuse to not work on your take home exam.

CQueen: **twitch** you are so lucky you're so hot.

Kuchiki: Quit calling me that!

CQueen: Ain't gonna happen. Now as I was saying, it's time for our next production to begin. For this next production I'm going to need the help of Captain Soifon, Yoruichi and Urahara. Come on down!

Soifon: Buddha save me!

** does her head bonging thing. All three of them appear on stage in cat cosplay, complete with ears, tails, and paw mittens.**

CQueen: And now...."Everybody Wants to Be a Cat!" from the Aristocats!

Yoruichi:  
Well, little lady, let me illuminate here

Everybody wants to be a cat  
Because a cat's the only cat  
Who knows were it's at

Urahara:  
Tell me, everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat  
'Cause everything else is obsolete.

Yoruichi:  
strictly high button shoes.  
A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born  
Everytime he plays

Urahara:  
But with a square in the act  
You can set music back

Yoruichi:  
To the cave man days, cha cha ba dum bo day

Urahara:  
I've heard some corny birds who tried to sing

Yoruichi:  
Still a cat's the only cat who knows how to swing

Soifon:  
Who wants to dig a long haired gig or stuff like that

Urahara:  
When everybody wants to be a cat

Urahara and Yoruichi:  
A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born  
Every time he plays

Urahara:  
Oh a rinky tinky tinky

Urahara and Yoruichi:  
With a square in the act you can set music back  
To the cave man days

Soifon:  
Oh a rinky tinky tinky

Soifon and Urahara:  
Everybody wants to be a cat  
Because a cats the only cat who knows where it's at  
While playin' jazz you always have a welcome mat  
'Cause everybody digs a swinging cat.

Yoruichi:  
Oh boy fellas, lets rock this joint!  
Ha ha groovy cats!

Urahara:  
Shanghai, Honk Kong, Egg Foo Yong.  
Fortune cookie always wrong.  
That's a hot one!  
(Harp begins)

Soifon:  
If you want to turn me on,  
Play your horn don't spare the tone,  
and blow a little soul into the tune.

Urahara:  
Lets take it to another key.

Yoruichi:  
Modulate, and wait for me.  
I'll take a few ad-libs and pretty soon.

Urahara:  
The other cats will all commence  
Congregating on the fence.  
Underneath the alley's only light.

Soifon:  
Where every note is out of sight.  
(Jazz music begins again)

All:  
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!

Yoruichi:  
Halejuah!

All:  
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!  
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!  
Everybody, everybody, everybody now

CQueen: now wasn't that fun?!

Yoruichi: yeah, lets do it again!

Urahara: Hush

Soifon: Over my dead and rotting corspe we'll do it again.

Yoruichi: Not even for me? big eyes

Soifon: Well...if it..I guess if...I could maybe.

CQueen: Thanks to all the entertainment you've provided me with lately I'm going to stop you from agreeing to do something stupid, Soifon. Besides, we've got two more acts left before the curtains close once more!

General: We're doomed.

Kyoraku: Well at least there are worse ways to go, huh? I mean this is sorta cool in a twisted, totally drunk way.

Nanao: Then might I suggest you put a cork in it, Captain?

Kyoraku: Ohhh. Nice one, Nanao chan.

CQueen: As I was saying.......

Kyoraku: My bad, my bad.

CQueen: Yes, it usually is. Anyway, lets get to the next one shall we?

**head bong and Renji appears on the stage along with Rukia. Everyone watches as Renji shrinks back to the size and appearance he had as a small child. The scenery is a Middle Eastern bazaar.**

CQueen: Artistic license is a beautiful thing. And now, may I present, "One Jump".

Renji:] Gotta keep  
One jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword  
I steal only what I can't afford  
( That's Everything! )

One jump ahead of the shinigami  
That's all, and that's no joke  
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke

[Extras in Crowd:] Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!

[Renji:] Just a little snack, guys

[Crowd:] Rip him open, take it back, guys

[Renji:] I can take a hint, gotta face the facts

You're my only friend, Rukia!

[Crowd:] Who?  
Oh, it's sad Renji's hit the bottom  
He's become a one-man rise in crime  
I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em

[Renji:] Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Tell you all about it when I got the time!

One jump ahead of the slowpokes  
One skip ahead of my doom  
Next time gonna use a nom de plume  
One jump ahead of the captains  
One hit ahead of the flock  
I think I'll take a stroll around the block

[Crowd:] Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!

[Renji:] Let's not be too hasty

[Rukia:] Still I think he's rather tasty

[Renji:] Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Otherwise we'd get along

[Crowd:] Wrong!

[Renji:] One jump ahead of the hoofbeats  
(Vandal!)  
One hop ahead of the hump  
(Street rat!)  
One trick ahead of disaster  
(Scoundrel!)  
They're quick, but I'm much faster  
(Take that!)  
Here goes, better throw my hand in  
Wish me happy landin'  
All I gotta do is jump

Rukia: Oh my God.

Kuchiki: Tasty?

Rukia: She made me say it, big brother! Honest!

Renji:......

CQueen: Awww...did I strike little Renji dumb?

Kuchiki: Well it's not like that's hard to do.

CQueen: Too true, poor guy.

Renji: Thanks a lot.

CQueen: Hey, I made her say you're tasty, what more do you want? A love ballad?

Renji: Uhm..........well......

: Never mind. One more to go then and that's all for the night folks.

Aizen: Finally.

CQueen: Do you want me to drag you guys back on stage already?

**Frantic head shaking from Tosen and Aizen**

CQueen: That's what I thought. For the final number we have some newbies to the stage. Lets give them a round of applause as they come on stage!

**Ichigo, General, Unohana and Kira appear on stage, Ichigo looking absolutely adorable in an elephant costume while the others are wearing black bird costumes.**

CQueen: And now, for our grand finale of the evening, "When I See an Elephant Slash Ichigo Fly!"

General:

Did you ever see an Ichigo fly?

Unohana:  
Well I seen a horse fly

Kira

I seen a dragon fly

Unohana:

I seen a house fly

General:  
I seen all that too  
I seen a peanut stand  
And heard a rubber band  
I seen a needle that winked its eye

But I've been, done, seen about everything  
When I see a Ichigo fly

Kira:

What'd you say boy

General:  
I said when I see a Ichigo fly  
I seen a front porch swing  
Heard a diamond ring  
I seen a polka dot railroad tie

But I've been, done, seen about everything  
When I see a Ichigo fly

I saw a clothes horse and he rear up and buck  
And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck

Unohana:  
I didn't see that, I only heard  
Just to be sociable I'll take your word

General:  
I heard a fireside chat  
I saw a baseball bat  
And I just laughed till I thought I'd die

But I've been, done, seen about everything  
When I see a Ichigo fly

But I've been, done, seen about everything  
When I see a Ichigo fly

When I see an Ichigo fly!

Ichigo: You're more twisted and psychotic than Aizen and all his Arrancars put together!

CQueen: Well duh!

**curtains close once more**


	3. Third Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the ideas presented here, the characters and lyrics pretty much belong to other, much more powerful people. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoy these as much as I did!

Third Act

**Curtain rises once more**

CQueen: Whoever invented coffee should be taken out into the street and shot.

Kyoraku: Look whose back after another day at Timmies.

CQueen: Don't remind me. But oh well, torturing you guys always makes me feel ever so much better.

Zaraki: Like we didn't notice that.

Yachiru: Now who's picking fights with her, huh?

CQueen: How sarcasm becomes you both. Anyways, I was thinking how maybe I should think about subjecting you to musicale numbers after I run out of Disney songs. "How Do You Solve a Problem Like a Hollow" sounds like an instant classic, doesn't it?

Kuchiki: You're even more twisted than Ichimaru.

Ichimaru: Nobody's more twisted than me, silly.

Matsumoto and Kira: It's true.

CQueen: They're right; and why do you have to be such a downer all the time, Kuchiki? Loosen up a bit.

**Kuchiki simply glares in response**

CQueen: Okay...rich boy needs to be put in his place. Lights, camera, action! **head bong**

**Kuchiki, Ichigo, Rukia and Renji appear onstage dressed in Middle Eastern garbs. Kuchiki is sitting atop an elephant while the others are on the ground level of a market place setting.**

CQueen: Since you guys were such a hit in the last Aladdin number...I give you, "Prince Ali" or should I say..."Captain Kuchiki" **evil laughter**

Ichigo: Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar  
Hey you!  
Let us through!  
It's a bright new star!  
Oh Come!  
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way!  
Here he comes!  
Ring bells! Bang the drums!  
Oh! You gonna love this guy!

Captain Kuchiki! Fabulous he!  
Byakuya Kuchiki Genuflect, show some respect  
Down on one knee!  
Now, try your best to stay calm  
Brush up your sunday salaam  
The come and meet his spectacular coterie

Captain Kuchiki!  
Mighty is he!  
shinigami captain  
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!

Renji: He faced the galloping hordes

Rukia: A hundred bad guys with swords

Ichigo: Who sent those goons to their lords?  
Why, Captain Kuchiki

He's got seventy-five golden camels  
Purple peacocks  
He's got fifty-three  
When it comes to exotic-type mammals  
Has he got a zoo?  
I'm telling you, it's a world-class menagerie

Captain Kuchiki! Handsome is he, heir to a fortune  
That physique! How can I speak  
Weak at the knee  
Well, get on out in that square  
Adjust your veil and prepare  
To gawk and grovel and stare at Captain Kuchiki!

There's no question this guy's alluring  
Never ordinary, never boring  
Everything about the man just plain impresses  
He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!  
He's about to pull my heart asunder!  
And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys

Renji: He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys

Ichigo: And to view them he charges no fee

Rukia: He's generous, so generous

Ichigo: He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies

Renji: Proud to work for him

Ichigo: They bow to his whim love serving him  
They're just lousy with loyalty to Kuchiki! Captain Kuchiki!

Captain Kuchiki!  
Amorous he! shinigami captain  
Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see  
And that, good people, is why he got dolled up and dropped by  
With sixty elephants, llamas galore  
With his bears and lions  
A brass band and more  
With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers  
His birds that warble on key  
Make way for Captain Kuchiki!

** returns her victims to their seats**

Kuchiki: As soon as the opportunity presents itself I'm committing mass homicide.

Renji: Why do I get the feeling I'm on your list of victims.

Ichigo: Join the club. Though that was frickin hilarious.

Kuchiki: The list is getting longer by the minute.

Kurotsuchi: Intending to kill us all, hmm?

CQueen: Now, now, play nice, you two. Besides, if you wanted a turn onstage you just had to ask, Kurotsuchi.

Kurotsuchi: Hell no!

Kyoraku: He doesn't need his make up to look pale as a ghost now, does he, Jushiro?

Ukitake: Don't draw attention to yourself.

CQueen: Oh don't worry, I have plans for all of you. But yeah, I think it's Inventor man's turn at bat.

** head bongs and Captain Kurotsuchi appears onstage which has altered to look like his laboratory**

CQueen: Time for a little "Little Mermaid", people.

Captain Kurotsuchi:

Les Quincys, les Quincys  
How I love les Quincys  
Love to chop and to serve little Quincys

First I cut off their heads  
Then I pull out their bones  
Ah, mais oui, ca c'est  
toujours delish

Les Quincys, les Quincys  
Hee-hee-hee, haw-haw-haw  
With the cleaver I hack them in two

I pull out what's inside  
And I serve it up fried  
God, I love little Quincys, don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate  
Prepared in the classic technique  
First you pound the Quincy flat  
With a mallet

Then you slash through the skin  
Give the belly a slice  
Then you rub some salt in  
'Cause that makes it taste nice

[Zut alors, I have missed one!] **points at Ishida in the crowd**

Sacre bleu! What is this?  
How on earth could I miss  
Such a sweet little succulent boy

Quel domage. What a loss  
Here we go in the sauce  
Now some flour, I think just a dab

Soon I'll stuff you with bread  
It don't hurt 'cause you're dead  
And you're certainly lucky you are

'Cause it's gonna be hot  
In my big silver pot  
Tootle-loo, mon Quincy, au revoir!

**Kurotsuchi returns to his seat**

CQueen: Okay...even I think that was wrong....on so many levels. You aren't singing again any time soon.

Kurotsuchi: Death whill not come to you soon enough.

Ishida: I'm going to be sick.

Ichimaru: I take it all back, guys. She IS more twisted than I'll ever be.

Matsumoto: Captain, I'm afraid.

Hitsugaya: You aren't alone in that.

Nanao: Will it never end?

CQueen: Ah, and I see we have our last volunteer for the evening.

Nanao: Oh no.

Kyoraku: No! Spare my beloved Nanao chan! Take me instead!

CQueen: If I wanted you I would have picked you. Sheeh, is it any wonder you're always getting into trouble.

*head bong and Nanao is onstage, dressed like a lounge singer only with a tail and Inu yasha like doggie ears**

CQueen: A message, Kyoraku, from me and Nanao to you.

Nanao: That's Nanao and I...and I never gave you permission to call me by my first name!

CQueen: Okay ya....here's "He's A Tramp", from "Lady and the Tramp".

Nanao:

He's a tramp  
But I love him  
Breaks a new heart  
Ev'ry day  
He's a tramp  
They adore him  
And I only hope  
He'll stay that way

He's a tramp  
He's a scoundrel  
He's a rounder  
He's a cad

He's a tramp  
But I love him  
Yes, and even I  
Have got it pretty bad

You can never tell  
When he'll show up  
He gives you  
Plenty of trouble  
I guess he's just a  
No 'count pup  
But I wish that he  
Were double

He's a tramp  
He's a rover  
And there's nothing  
More to say

If he's a tramp  
He's a good one  
And I wish that I  
Could travel his way.

Kyoraku: Awwwww.......Nanao chan!

Nanao: Touch me and die.

CQueen: And on that loving note, see you all soon I hope!


	4. Forth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original ideas and lyric twists but not the characters or the lyrics themselves. Thanks very much for reading and I hope you'll review and let me know what you think.

Forth Act

CQueen: Hello, my darlings! Have you all missed me terribly?

Hitsugaya: Is she trying to be funny?

Matsumoto: Now who's trying to piss her off?

Nemu: Please don't upset her. My father is still in the process of recovering from his last encounter with her.

Kyoraku: Yeah, that was great.

Nanao: Only you would think so.

CQueen: Ahem. Back to more important things..you know...like the brilliant genius of my evil lyric creations?

Zaraki: Which we're all trying to erase from our memories.

CQueen: Is that your way of saying you feel like taking center stage?

Zaraki: Oh hell no!

CQueen: Well if you insist....but just so you aren't lonely or anything....

**head bong and Captains Zaraki, Kyoraku, Soifon and Ukitake and the General appear onstage, dressed in the garbs of Chinese soldiers

CQueen: Now, ladies and gentlemen, its time to find out what these guys here are fighting for!

All: For a long time we've been marching off to battle  
In our thund'ring herd we feel a lot like cattle  
Like the pounding beat our aching feet aren't easy to ignore

Kyoraku: Hey, think of instead a girl worth fighting for

Others: Huh?

Kyoraku: That's what I said,  
A girl worth fighting for

I want her paler than the moon with eyes that shine like stars

Zaraki: My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars

Ukitake: I couldn't care less what she'll wear or what she looks like  
It all depends on what she cooks like: Beef, pork, chicken ...  
Mmmh ...

Zaraki: Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer

Kyoraku: And I'll bet the ladies love a man in armour

All: You can guess what we have missed the most  
since we went off to war

Kyoraku: What do we want?

All: A girl worth fighting for

Zaraki: My girl will think I have no faults

Ukitake: That I'm a major find

Soifon: How 'bout a girl who's got a brain

Who always speaks her mind?

Others: Nah!

Kyoraku: My manly ways and turn of phrase are sure to thrill her

Zaraki: He thinks he's such a lady-killer

General: I've a girl back home who's unlike any other

Kyoraku: Yeah, but the only girl who'd love him is his mother

All: But when we come home in victory they'll line up at the door

Kyoraku: What do we want?

All: A girl worth fighting for

Kyoraku: Wish that I had

All: A girl worth fighting for  
A girl worth fighting -

*** head bong and they are back in their seats***

General: The first one who kills her gets a pay raise. A big one.

Soifon: Like we need to be paid to want to kill her.

CQueen: Awwww...you guys love me.

Hitsugaya: What world does SHE live in?

CQueen: One of my own creation.

Matsumoto: That explains a few things.

CQueen: I'm just feeling the love here. In fact, I think it's time for you guys to show just how brave and caring you all really are.

Aizen: She devil.

CQueen: Like you're one to talk? Okay fine, you want to be this way, guys? Than I'll go easy on you all for this next number. You're ALL in it.

*** head bong and everyone in the audience grows a set of mouse ears, whiskers and tails. They are also all wearing clothes of ethnicities from around the world.***

CQueen: And now, may I present, the new Shinigami anthem!

All:

R-E-S-C-U-E  
Rescue Aid Society  
Heads held high  
Touch the sky  
You mean everything to me

In a fix, in a bind  
Call on us anytime  
We'll appear from nowhere  
Mighty are we

R-E-S-C-U-E  
Rescue Aid Society  
Honesty, loyalty  
We pledge to thee

R-E-S-C-U-E  
Rescue Aid Society  
Heads held high  
Touch the sky  
You mean everything to me

In a jam, in a scrape  
And you think 'no escape'  
Do not fear, we'll be here  
Courageous are we

R-E-S-C-U-E  
Rescue Aid Society  
Heads held high  
Touch the sky  
Our hearts we pledge to thee

***head bong and the mice turn back to their normal selves***

Kyoraku: Awww...and Nanao made such a cute mousie!

Nanao: Respectfully, Sir...SHUT THE HELL UP!

Ukitake: Uh oh.

Nemu: Ise san is reaching her breaking point. This is never a good thing.

Zaraki: Nobody look her in the eyes....except..maybe you should...-

CQueen: I heard that. Lucky for you, my next number is such a big one I have to get it done and over with quickly so that I can get to the library to study for my anthro exam tomorrow.

Kuchiki: Please...you're going there to get more romance novels to rot your brain while you're supposed to be studying and you know it.

CQueen: Jerk.

Kuchiki: The truth hurts.

CQueen: Oh I am so going to update Sexy Captain's Curse soon and make you sorry.

Kuchiki: Shit.

CQueen: There you go. And now for the last number in today's act! All the shinigami lieutenants, Captain Ukitake and Hana, onto the stage with you!

*** lieutenants appear onstage which now looks like a pub***

[Omaeda:] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with

the wrong man! No one says "no" to Omaeda!

[Hana:] Heh heh. Darn right.

[Omaeda:] Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's

more than I can bear.

[Hana:] More sake?

[Omaeda:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

[Hana:] Who, you? Never! Lieutenant, you've got to pull yourself

together.

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Lieutenant

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be you, Lieutenant

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Omaeda

No one's quick as Omaeda

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Omaeda

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

[Chorus:] No one's been like Omaeda

A king pin like Omaeda

[Hana:] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Omaeda

[Omaeda:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

[Chorus:] My what a guy, that Omaeda

Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip-hips!"

[Hana:] Omaeda is the best

And the rest is all drips

[Chorus:] No one fights like Omaeda

Douses lights like Omaeda

[Kira:] In a wrestling match nobody bites Omaeda

[Isane and Matsumoto:] For there's no one as burly and brawny

[Omaeda:] As you see I've got biceps to spare

[Hana:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

[Omaeda] (That's right!)

And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

[Kira:] No one hits like Omaeda

[Renji:] Matches wits like Omaeda

[Hana:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Omaeda

[Omaeda:] I'm espcially good at expectorating

(Ptooey!)

[Chorus:] Ten points for Omaeda!

[Omaeda:] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

Ev'ry morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge

[Chorus:] No one shoots like Omaeda

Makes those beauts like Omaeda

[Hana:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Omaeda

[Omaeda:] I use antlers in all of my decorating

[Chorus:] Say it again

Who's a man among men?

And then say it once more

Who's the hero next door?

Who's a super success?

Don't you know? Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his five hangers-on

There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

[Hana:] And his name's O-M-A-E -

O-M-A-E-D

O-M-A-E-D - oh!

[Chorus:] Omaeda

*** Ukitake bursts onto stage***

[Ukitake:] Help! Someone help me!

[Yachiru:] Ukitake?

[Ukitake:] Please! Please, I need your help. He's got her - he's

got her locked in the dungeon!

[Hana:] Who?

[Ukitake:] Nemu. We must go. N-not a minute to lose!

[Omaeda:] Whoa! Slow down, Ukitake. Who's got Nemu locked in a

dungeon?

[Ukitake:] A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast!

[Renji:] Is it a big beast?

[Ukitake:] Huge!

[Matsumoto:] With a long, ugly face?

[Ukitake:] Hideously ugly!

[Momo:] And sharp, cruel fangs?

[Ukitake:] Yes! Yes! Will you help me?

[Omaeda:] All right, old man. We'll help you out.

[Ukitake:] You will? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

***Ukitake thrown off stage and back into his seat***

[Yachiru:] Crazy old Ukitake.

[Renji:] He's always good for a laugh.

[Omaeda:] Crazy old Ukitake, hmmm?

Crazy old Ukitake. Hmmm.

Pipsqueak, I'm afraid I've been thinking

[Hana:] A dangerous pastime

[Omaeda:] I know

But that whacky old scientist is Nemu's father

And his sanity's only "so-so"

Now the wheels in my head have been turning

Since I looked at that loony, old captain

See, I've promised myself I'd be married to Nemu

And right now I'm evolving a plan

If I . . . {whisper}

[Hana:] Yes?

[Omaeda:] Then we . . . {whisper}

[Hana:] No! Would she . . .

[Omaeda:] {whisper} Guess!

[Hana:] Now I get it!

[Both:] Let's go!

[Chorus:] No one plots like Omaeda

[Omaeda:] Takes cheap shots like Omaeda

[Hana:] Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Omaeda

[Chorus:] So his marriage we soon'll be celebrating

My what a guy!

Omaeda

*** curtain closes and all return to their seats***

Omaeda: Captain!!! She's picking on me again, Captain!!!

Soifon: Shut up, Omaeda.

Nemu: I'd like to point out an inaccuracy with that number, san. In the film version, the scientist and Captain Ukitake's character are the same perosn. Should you not have assigned my father the role you assigned Captain Ukitake?

CQueen: Can you really see your father caring if you were kidnapped or imprisioned?

Nemu: Point taken.

CQueen: besides...I was sorta seeing your father as the beast...only that wouldn't really work because...well...ewwwwwwwww in the extreme!

Ukitake: Why ewwww in the extreme?

Nemu: Because in the end of Beauty and the Beast the Beast turns back into a man and he and Belle live happily ever after together.

Ukitake: I see.

CQueen: So yeah, I thought you being her knight in shining armour was the better way to go. That's it for today, please return at a later date for more of my evil fun!


	5. Fifth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the changed lyrics and the character conversations. Thanks for reading and please review!

Fifth Act

CQueen: Hello, my darlings!

Zaraki: Why won't she die already?

Matsumoto: That sort of evil can't be killed so easy.

CQueen: Do you really want me to send you Ichimaru's corpse in a box?

Ichimaru: She really doesn't.

Matsumoto: Don't tempt me, you lying, no good, dirty rotten son of a –

Hinamori: Language, please! We're the civilized people here!

Yachiru: That would be a little debateable.

CQueen: Well regardless of anyone's humanity, the first song was chosen a while ago and I really want to get it out there so that I can move onto others. The second one is one I'm particularly proud of.

Kyoraku: It's never a good thing when she smiles like that.

Ukitake: Indeed.

CQueen: Anyway, here's Yachiru singing her version of "Just Around The Riverbend".

Yachiru: What!

Nemu: It's from the 1995 version of the story of Pocahontas, who was a Native American during the late 1500s, early 1600s. Of course the story was largely fictionalized and far from historically accurate but-

Kurotsuchi: Why do you know all this junk?

Nemu: You won't let me have friends or hobbies...so I watch movies.

Kurotsuchi: Hell

CQueen: Anyways, like I WAS saying...

**bops head and Yachiru appears on the stage dressed in traditional Native American clothing**

Yachiru:

What I love most about fighting is:  
You can't fight in the same battle twice  
The power's always changing, always flowing  
But people, I guess, can't live like that  
We all must pay a price  
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing  
What's around the riverbend  
Waiting just around the riverbend

I look once more  
Just around the riverbend  
Beyond the shore  
Where the gulls fly free  
Don't know what for  
What I dream the day might send  
Jut around the riverbend  
For me  
Coming for me

I feel it there beyond those trees  
Or right behind these waterfalls  
Can I ignore that sound of distant pumbling  
For a handsome sturdy husband  
Who builds handsome sturdy walls  
And never dreams that something might be coming?  
Just around the riverbend  
Just around the riverbend

I look once more  
Just around the riverbend  
Beyond the shore  
Somewhere past the sea  
Don't know what for ...  
Why do all my dreams extend  
Just around the riverbend?  
Just around the riverbend ...

Should I choose the smoothest course  
Steady as the beating drum?  
Should I marry some poor sod?  
Is all my fighting at an end?  
Or do you still wait for me, Fight Giver  
Just around the riverbend?

**head bop and Yachiru is back in her seat**

Yachiru: Well...could have been worse.

Zaraki: Unfortunately true.

Kurotsuchi: Nemu, I've decided, no more Disney for you!

Nemu: Well they never have been able to top the early classics anyway.

Cqueen: Too true. They just don't make them like they used to. Though Wall-E was seriously amazing.

Nemu: Wasn't it just.

Kurotsuchi: No more talking about it, that's an order!

CQueen: And you think you can order me around?

Kurotsuchi: Shit.

CQueen: You bet your warped face. Feel like singing again?

Kurotsuchi: If you make me do that one more time I'm going to-

**head bong and Kurotsuchi is on stage along with his entire division dressed in Victorian England street clothes**

CQueen: Now, you rat. A song if you will. I'm sure your other seats are just dying to be your chorus.

Kurotsuchi:]My friends, we are about to embark on the most

odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme

of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes,

a crime that will live in infamy!

Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her

diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of

our good friend Mr Ishida, it promises to be a

night she will never forget. Her last night, and my

first, as supreme ruler of all souldom!

From the brain that brought you the Big Quincy Caper

The head that made headlines in every newspaper

And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job

That cunning display that made Kyoraku a sob

Now comes the real tour de force

Tricky and wicked, of course

My earlier crimes were fine for their times

But now that I'm at it again

An even grimmer plot has been simmering

In my great scientist brain

[Chorus:]Even meaner? You mean it?

Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?

You're the best of the worst around

Oh, Kurotsuchi

Oh, Kurotsuchi

The rest fall behind

To Kurotsuchi

To Kurotsuchi

The world's greatest criminal mind

[Kurotsuchi:]Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been

champagne and caviar. I've had my share of

adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate

scientist, Urahara of Baker Street. For years, that

insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans.

I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all

that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even

Urahara, can stand in my way! All will bow before

me!

[Chorus:]Oh, Kurotsuchi

Oh, Kurotsuchi

You're tops and that's that

To Kurotsuchi

To Kurotsuchi

[Bartholomew:]To Kurotsuchi, the world's greatest freak

[Kurotsuchi:]What was that? What did you call me?

[7th Seat:]Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Captain.

[8th Seat:]I-it was just a slip of the tongue.

[Kurotsuchi:]I am NOT A FREAK!

[3rd Seat:]'Course you're not. You're a man!

[4th Seat:]Yeah, that's right. Right! A man.

[5th Seat:]Yeah, a big man!

[Kurotsuchi:]SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that

you've gone and upset me. You know what happens

when someone upsets me.

**Rings a bell and Nemu appears dressed as a cat**

[Bartholomew:]Oh, Kurotsuchi

Oh, Kurotsuchi

You're the tops and that's that

(Oh dear.)

To Kurotsuchi

To Kurotsuchi

To Kurotsuchi, the world's greatest –

**Nemu kills him**

[Nemu:] Father.

[Kurotsuchi:]Oh, Nemu, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's

little honey bun enjoy her tasty ___?

[Nemu:] Yes.

[Kurotsuchi:]I trust there will be no further interruptions?

And now, as you were singing?

[Chorus:]Even louder

We'll shout it!

No one can doubt what we know you can do

You're more evil than even you

Oh, Kurotsuchi

Oh, Kurotsuchi

You're one of a kind

To Kurotsuchi

To Kurotsuchi

The world's greatest criminal mind

**everyone returns to their seats**

Kurotsuchi: Precious? BABY..HONEY BUN!!!

Nemu: Don't upset yourself, Father. I know you would never call me those things.

Kyoraku: He looks like he's going to have a brain aneurism.

Nanao: Could we get that lucky?

Hitsugaya and Matsumoto: No.

CQueen: And on that cheerful note...here's the last song for today!

**head bong and Captain Unohana appears dressed up as Mary Poppins and Hitsugaya and Hinamori dressed as Victorian children**

Captain Unohana

In ev'ry job that must be done

There is an element of fun

you find the fun and snap!

The job's a game

Nad ev'ry task you undertake

Becomes a piece of cake

A lark! Aspree!

It's very clear to me

That a...

Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

The medicine go down-wown

The medicine go down

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

In a most delightful way

A robin feathering his nest

Has very little time to rest

While gathering his

Bits of twine and twig

Though quite intent in his pursuit

He has a merry tune to toot

He knows a song

Will move the job along

For a...

Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

The medicine go down-wown

The medicine go down

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down

In a most delightful way


	6. Sixth Act

Disclaimer: As alwyas I own nothing but the altered lyrics and the situations I put the poor characters in. Everythign else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is so suck it up. Thanks for reading, hope to hear good reviews.

FANART WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

Sixth Act

CQueen: Hello, all. Have you missed me terribly?

Soifon: Yeah, we've just been pining away from the grief of it all.

CQueen: Gotta love sarcasm, especially at three in the friggin morning.

Matsumoto: Like it's our fault you're an insomniac who sleeps in wayyy too late.

CQueen: You want I should send you more body parts?

Ichimaru: Please don't.

Zaraki: Please do.

Hitsugaya: Both of you shut up. Now just unleash your latest horror upon us and get it over with.

CQueen: I sense a lack of fear here...I don't like that.

Hitsugaya: Tough

Nemu: Please don't hurt my friend. I have so very few.

CQueen: Tell you what, then. You two can be in the next one together. How does that sound?

Nemu: I don't know, you haven't told me which Disney movie the song is from.

CQueen: A hint would be that if Aizen was the main character, his nose would be longer than the Nile.

Nemu: Ah. I never much cared for Pinocchio. I liked the cricket though.

CQueen: Well I'll try to give you a better movie next time since your one of my favorite characters. For now, you're stuck with this one.

**head bong and Nemu is onstage with Hitsugaya, Hisagi and Ukitake on either end of the stage, hidden behind curtains. Nemu is dressed in traditional Scandinavian clothing**

CQueen: And on with the show, no strings attached heh.

Nemu:]

I've got no strings  
To hold me down  
To make me fret, or make me frown  
I had strings  
But now I'm free  
There are no strings on me

Hi-ho the me-ri-o  
That's the only way to go  
I want the world to know  
Nothing ever worries me

Hi-ho the me-ri-o  
I'm as happy as can be  
I want the world to know  
Nothing ever worries me

I've got no strings  
So I have fun  
I'm not tied up to anyone  
They've got strings  
But you can see  
There are no strings on me

[Hitsugaya:]  
You have no strings  
Your arms is free  
To love me by the Zuider Zee  
Ya, ya, ya  
If you would woo  
I'd bust my strings for you

[Hisagi:]  
You've got no strings  
Comme ci comme ca  
Your savoire-faire is ooh la la!  
I've got strings  
hey!

But entre nous  
I'd cut my strings for you!

[Ukitake:]

Down where the Volga flows  
There's a Russian rendezvous  
Where me and Ivana go  
But I'd rather go with you, hey!

[Nemu:]

There are no strings on me!

**curtain closes and actors return to their seats**

CQueen: You gotta admit, that was pretty cute.

Hitsugaya: Nemu san...just how many Disney songs are there?

Nemu: Well that depends on whether or not you're included non animated pictures. The Disney corporation has been around for almost a century after all.

Ukitake: God help us.

CQueen: I wouldn't count on that if I were you.

Hitsugaya: Isn't it enough that you torture us in all your other BLEACH fanfics? Haven't we suffered enough?

Hinamori: Exactly.

CQueen: Quiet you. I'm only just starting to like you again as a character. Don't make me kill you off.

Kira: You leave her alone.

CQueen: Make me.

Ichigo: I'll make you. I'm damn sick of sitting around, only getting into your fics when you need me for comic relief.

CQueen: You know, most people would be happy if they didn't have me playing God with their lives. But if you really want me to mess with yours a little, I guess that really would only be fair.

Ichigo: Oh hell no.

Ishida: And people wonder why I don't like the idea of you being our fearless leader.

Ichigo: Shut up.

CQueen: Tell you what, Orange-head. I'll give you some fic time, and let someone who has yet to make one appearance in any of my fics take center stage with you. Ishida and Chad can even come too.

Chad:.........

Ishida: Why do you get us into these messes?

CQueen: He has a gift.

**head bong and Ichigo is center stage, surrounded by mounds of gold and wearing Arabian clothing. Ishida appears and automatically becomes a large rug with his face embroidered on it. Chad appears wearing a monkey costume. A lamp appears in Ichigo's hand and from it streams black smoke that becomes Ichigo's zanpukuto, Zangetsu**

Zangetsu:

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves  
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales  
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves  
You got a brand of magic never fails  
You got some power in your corner now  
Some heavy ammunition in your camp  
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how  
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp  
And I'll say

Mister ichigo, sir  
What will your pleasure be?  
Let me take your order  
Jot it down  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
No no no

Life is your restaurant  
And I'm your maitre d'  
C'mon whisper what it is you want  
You ain't never had a friend like me

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service  
You're the boss  
The king, the shah  
Say what you wish  
It's yours! True dish  
How about a little more Baklava?

Have some of column "A"  
Try all of column "B"  
I'm in the mood to help you dude  
You ain't never had a friend like me

Can your friends do this?  
Do your friends do that?  
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?  
Can your friends go, poof?  
Well, looky here  
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip  
And then make the sucker disappear?

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed  
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers  
You got me bona fide, certified  
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires  
I got a powerful urge to help you out  
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know  
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt  
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh

Mister Ichigo, sir, have a wish or two or three  
I'm on the job, you big nabob  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!

CQueen: I'm just on a roll tonight, aren't I?

Nemu: Technically, it's morning. But yes you are. If you weren't mentally torturing my friends and colleges, I would be most amused.

Shunsui: Actually, I'm sorta enjoying myself too. There's just one thing wrong with this whole thing.

CQueen: Wrong? **eye twitch**

Shunsui: What I mean is, uh...see...I....uhm....

Nanao: What he means to say is you aren't torturing the characters you actually have dislike for. You've forced Nemu onto the stage numerous times and she's one of your favorite characters.

CQueen: Huh. You have a point.

Nanao: Of course.

CQueen: Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Shunsui: I do!

CQueen: Obviously. Anyway, as I was saying, Nanao has a valid point. Aizen, I haven't tortured you since the first act, have I?

Aizen: Tosen, Ichimaru, why haven't you killed her yet.

Ichimaru: Hey, in her other fic you cut off my right arm and possibly killed me. Helping you is really on my to do list at the moment, thank you very much.

Tosen: How did we sink so low?

Ichimaru: You talkin about the fact that you turned on me or that in a couple secs the writer is going to make you sing God only knows what?

Tosen: Guess.

Ichimaru: I really should have stayed in Soul Society with Kira and Ran.

Matsumoto: Well duh, you moron.

CQueen: Anyways, as I was saying, again, the final song for this act with be performed by none other than former captains Tosen and Aizen, as well as the delightful General of Soul Society. Take it away, boys!

**head bong and Aizen and Tosen are dressed in lion cub suits while the general resembles a large blue bird**

Aizen:] I'm gonna be a mighty king  
So enemies beware!

[General:] Well, I've never seen a king of society  
With quite so much hair

[Aizen:] I'm gonna be the main event  
Like no king was before  
I'm brushing up on looking down  
I'm working on my ROAR

[General:] Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing

[Aizen:] Oh, I just can't wait to be king!

[General: (Speaking)] You've rather a long way to go,  
young man, if you think...

[Aizen:] No one saying do this

[General:] Now when I said that, I--

[Tosen:] No one saying be there

[General:] What I meant was...

[Aizen:] No one saying stop that

[General:] Look, what you don't realize...

[Aizen and Tosen:] No one saying see here

[General:] Now see here!

[Aizen:] Free to run around all day

[General:] Well, that's definitely out...

[Aizen:] Free to do it all my way!

[General:] I think it's time that you and I  
Arranged a heart to heart

[Aizen:] Kings don't need advice  
From little baldies for a start

[General:] If this is where the monarchy is headed  
Count me out!  
Out of service, out of Society

I wouldn't hang about... aagh!  
This captain is getting wildly out of wing

[Aizen:] Oh, I just can't wait to be king!  
Everybody look left  
Everybody look right  
Everywhere you look I'm  
Standing in the spotlight!

[General: (Speaking, but in strict time)] Not yet!

[Aizen and Tosen:] Let every creature go for broke and sing  
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing  
It's gonna be King Aizen's finest fling

[Aizen:] Oh I just can't wait to be king!  
Oh I just can't wait to be king!  
Oh I just can't waaaaaait ... to be king!

Tosen: Suffering upon suffering

CQueen: Then you wont like the fact that the role you just played is a girl role in the movie.

Tosen:...

Ichimaru: Nice.

CQueen: And on that note, thanks for watching and hope to see you in the acts to come!


	7. Seventh Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put the characters in. The lyrics belong to Disney and they'd eat me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy, review, and have a great day!

Seventh Act

Yachiru: Look, we have to come up with some sort of plan to kill her. Are we the Gotei 13 or aren't we?

Byakuya: And how do you propose we kill the daughter of Satan, exactly?

CQueen: Actually my dad is an installer, not Satan...I think.

Zaraki: Don't be so sure.

Matsumoto: Wouldn't she had horns and stuff if she was the daughter of Satan?

Nemu: Not necessarily, Matsumoto san. There are various interpretations throughout the world as to the physical appearance of the entity known as Satan, and to my knowledge all representations of his off spring follow a similar vein of inconsistency.

CQueen: Your literalism is so annoying, yet so very entertaining.

Ichimaru: Look, why don'tcha all just simmer down and let the lady work. She's gotta run outta these songs sometime, right?

CQueen: I like your attitude, fox face.

Tosen: One supposes it's only naturally that two twisted individuals like themselves would understand each other.

CQueen: Someone needs to take a chill pill. Tell you what, you won't have to be any of the numbers today, Tosen. Does that make you feel better?

Hisagi: Uh...why do you care about making him feel better?

CQueen: Because things generally end badly for him in all my fics. I feel a little guilty picking on a blind man.

Tosen:.....

Yachiru: She has a conscience...who knew?

CQueen: And we have our first volunteer for the evening.

Yachiru: *!#%

CQueen: Yeah, I love you too. You and your captain shall preform a song practically written for you, I guarantee it. And don't look so miserable Zaraki, you just have to mumble.

** Head bang and Yachiru is on stage dressed in overalls, while Zaraki appears in a bright green dragon suit**

CQueen: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you a beloved classic from "Pete's Dragon"

Yachiru:

I look in your eyes and you whisper sweetly

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
We don't match in size but we fit so neatly

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
It's nice waking up when you're close beside me  
Humming in my ear

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
You're joking

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
I can't believe it

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:

You do?

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
I love you too

Remember the night when you first confided

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Things went so right that we both decided

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Now we're together and life is perfect  
Don't ever disappear

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Oh really?

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
No you're just saying

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Oh is that true?

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru  
I love you too

We're walking down a road of our own  
Where the rain can never fall  
I'm glad I don't have to be alone

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Oh yeah

You know what to say when I want direction

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
You don't turn away when I need protection

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Your voice is the sound of an angel singing  
Music I wait to hear

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Say it again

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
And again

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
Everything seems so new

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
I love you too

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
I love you too

Zaraki:

*mumbles*

Yachiru:  
I love you too

CQueen: Now awww, wasn't that cute?

Yachiru: I'm gonna be sick.

Zaraki: I'm killing that woman if its the last thing I do in this existence.

CQueen: Big words for a big man.

Soifon: It keeps getting worse. How can it keep getting worse?

Unohana: I'm sure it will all be over soon, Captain. Just stay strong and it will be over soon enough.

CQueen: Does that mean you're volunteering for the next role, Captain Unohana?

Unohana: ........I wasn't planning to but I suppose it is only fair.

CQueen: True enough...but don't worry, you wont have to suffer alone, I'm not that cruel.

Isane: I'll...I'll join my captain.

Hisagi: Isane!

CQueen: That you will, with a few others.

**head bong and Unohana appear onstage in Victorian winter garbs along with Captain Komamura. Also appearing onstage is Isane dressed as a teapot, Hisagi as a clock, and Iba as a candlestick. The scene is outdoors during winter.**

[Unohana:] There's something sweet

And almost kind

But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined

And now he's dear

And so I'm sure

I wonder why I didn't see it there before

[Komamura:] She glanced this way

I thought I saw

And when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw

No it can't be

I'll just ignore

But then she's never looked at me that way before

[Unohana:] New and a bit alarming

Who'd have ever thought that this could be?

True that he's no Prince Charming

But there's something in him that I simply didn't see

[Iba:] Well, who'd have thought?

[Isane:] Well, bless my soul

[Hisagi:] Well, who'd have known?

[Isane:] Well, who indeed?

[Iba:] And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own?

[Isane:] It's so peculiar. Wait and see

[Iba and Hisagi:] We'll wait and see

[All three:] A few days more

There may be something there that wasn't there before

[Hisagi:] You know, perhaps there's something there that wasn't

there before

[Isane:] There may be something there that wasn't there before.

CQueen: Very touching, very heartwarming.

Isane: But why did I have to be a teapot?

Nemu: Because you were playing Mrs. Potts. She was a housekeeper who was turned into a tea pot by a magic spell.

Hisagi: These Disney people have sick, sick minds.

Nemu: Actually, the story of "Beauty and the Beast" is a lot older than Disney..Disney just likes to appropriate the works of others.

Nanao: Wouldn't that be plagerism?

Nemu: Disney corporation owns businesses all over the world and is worth billions of dollars. People don't generally stand a chance against them.

Zaraki: Finally something to like about the twisted bastards.

CQueen: Anyways...I'm worn out and stuff so I'm gonna get to the last song and than leave it there for the night. Any more questions from you guys before I head out?

General: What's the quickest way to dispose of you?

CQueen: Have fun singing, bald boy.

**General appears onstage with his captains, all dressed in Victorian garbs and holding kites of various sizes and shapes**

The General:  
With tuppence for paper and strings  
You can have your own set of wings  
With your feet on the ground  
You're a bird in a flight  
With your fist holding tight  
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!  
Let's go fly a kite  
Up to the highest height!  
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring  
Up through the atmosphere  
Up where the air is clear  
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

Shunsui:  
When you send it flyin' up there  
All at once you're lighter than air  
You can dance on the breeze  
Over 'ouses and trees  
With your first 'olding tight  
To the string of your kite

Gotei 13:  
Oh, oh, oh!  
Let's go fly a kite  
Up to the highest height!  
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring  
Up through the atmosphere  
Up where the air is clear  
Let's go fly a kite!

CQ: That's all for now, folks. Ciao!


	8. Eighth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Eighth Act

CQueen: So...anyone missed me?

Hisagi: What do you think, seriously?

Isane: Can't we all just get along? Captain Kyoraku is right, we should just sit back, let her have her fun, and then it will end quicker.

CQueen: That would take a lot of fun out of this.

Matsumoto: Than let's do that. Everyone stop complaining.

CQueen: Actually, I had a review complaining that I wasn't letting you sing at all, Matsomoto.

Matsumoto: I bet you it was a woman.

Nemu: Why a woman?

Matsumoto: Because she was obviously jealous of my stunning good looks and now seeks to destroy my mind.

Aizen: Like there's a lot there to destroy?

Matsumoto: I heard that!

Hitsugaya: I would have heard if you hadn't yelled it loud enough to make me deaf.

CQueen: So ya...Matsumoto, you're up first. I'll put your man in to comfort you.

**head bang and Matsumoto is dressed as a peasant girl while Ichimari is dressed as a prince.**

[Matsumoto:]  
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream  
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a-gleam  
Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem  
But if I know you, I know what you do,  
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

But if I know you, I know what you do,  
You love me at once,

[Ichimaru and Matsumoto:]  
The way you did once upon a dream

[Ichimaru:]  
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream  
I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a-gleam

[Ichimaru and Matsumoto:]  
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem  
But if I know you, I know what you do,  
You love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

CQueen: Didn't she make a lovely Sleeping Beauty?

Ichimaru: She's certainly at her best when she'd sleeping..and not talking

Matsumoto: Oh wipe that smirk off your face.

CQueen: Uhm...he only stops smirking when his life is threatened and I sort of like his foxy face too much to do that right now so I'm thinking that request is a no go.

Matsumoto: Oh just go on to your next victim.

CQueen: Normally, that sort of sass would get you in the hot seat again, and you know what, I think you haven't sang enough yet. You can join Nanao and Isane in some back up singing for Hinamori.

Hinamori: For..for me?

CQueen: Sorry, kid, but I'm real partial to Hitsugaya...and you did try to kill him. Plus, I really haven't picked on you recently, so you're past due.

Nanao: What song are we doing this time?

CQueen: It's called "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Disney's "Hercules".

Nemu: They took so many artistic licenses with Greek mythology in that film. Homer would roll in his grave.

CQueen: Yeah, seeing Hera portrayed as a loving mother really creeped me out. Not to mention the depiction of Hades...though I do like James Wood.

Nemu: Me too, especially in the television show "Shark".

Kurotsuchi: You've been rotting your brain with television too?

Nemu: Given how much more advanced my mind is than the average human being, I don't think there's cause to worry, Father.

CQueen: Actually he has a point, but I digress. After all, the show must go on.

**head bang and Hinamori appears in a purple Ancient Greece style dress while Isane, Nanao and Matsumoto appear off to the side of the stage in white versions**

[Hinamori:]  
If there's a prize for rotten judgement  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

[Other Girls:] Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of

[Hinamori:]  
No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no

[Other Girls:]  
You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh

[Hinamori:]  
It's too cliche  
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming get a grip, girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out  
Oh

[Other Girls:]  
You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad

[Hinamori:]  
No chance, now way  
I won't say it, no, no

[Other Girls:]  
Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love

[Hinamori:]  
This scene won't play,  
I won't say I'm in love

[Other Girls:]  
You're doin flips read our lips  
You're in love

[Hinamori:]  
You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say it

[Other Girls:]  
Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love

[Hinamori:]  
Oh  
At least out loud,  
I won't say I'm in love

Kyoraku: My Nanao chan makes a beautiful goddess

CQueen: Definitely Athena like.

Matsomoto: I'd ask to be Aphrodite but even I'm not that vain and self centered. Not to mention her terrible taste in men.

CQueen: Yeah..her taste was even worse than yours. I could see Isane as Hestia...but you're a tough one.

Isane: Who was Hestia?

CQueen: Goddess of the hearth. You actually only show up in one myth, but that's partly because unlike the rest of your relatives you passed on the incestuous, adulterous relationships.

Isane: Oh. I think I like the comparison now.

Hisagi: Has anyone ever told you how full your head is of useless trivia and facts about things that aren't remotely important in the modern world?

CQueen: Has anyone reminded you lately that you got beaten up by a fifth seat?

Yachiru: Yeah, lets all remind him.

Nanao: Wouldn't it make more sense to simply go to the last song and get it over with for the evening?

Soifon: Shush, don't remind her.

CQueen: Like I was really going to forget? Please.

Kyoraku: So what is the last song?

Yachiru: Think she's going to dress anyone up in animal costumes again?

Byakuya: What part of don't remind or encourage her don't you get?

Yachiru: Bite me.

Byakuya: My rabie shots aren't up to date.

CQueen: Well since I'm on a female streak...and since I haven't picked on any of the Arrancar yet...how about we get Nel up here for our last song?

Ichigo: This won't end well.

CQueen: Quite possibly.

**head bang and little Nel is onstage wearing a miniature gypsy costume.**

CQueen: I'll send the other Arrancars in shortly for your back up. Now here's Nel singing "God Help The Outcasts."

Nel

I don't know if You can hear me  
Or if You're even there  
I don't know if You would listen  
To an Arrancar prayer  
Yes, I know I'm just an Arrancar  
I shouldn't speak to you  
Still I see Your face and wonder...  
Were You once an Arrancar too?

God help the Arrancar

Hungry from birth  
Show them the mercy  
They don't find on earth  
God help my people  
We look to You still  
God help the Arrancar  
Or nobody will

Other Arrancars

I ask for wealth  
I ask for fame  
I ask for glory to shine on my name  
I ask for love I can possess  
I ask for God and His angels to bless me

Nel

I ask for nothing  
I can get by  
But I know so many  
Less lucky than I  
Please help my people  
The poor and down trod  
I thought we all were  
The children of God  
God help the Arrancar

Children of God

Nemu: That's one of my favorite Disney songs.

CQueen: Mine too.

Nel: Please don't make me ever do that again.

CQueen: Well seeing as I'm really not up to date on BLEACH, I probably won't use you much

Nel: Thank God.

CQueen: Now that's irony. And that's all for tonight, have a marvelous evening!

**curtain closes**


	9. Nineth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Nineth Act

CQueen: So I got off an hour early from work. Aren't you guys so glad?

Zaraki: Why does she even bother to ask?

Byakuya: And being too lazy to finish your shift is nothing to brag about either.

CQueen: We can't all become mindless, coldblooded workaholics.

General: You sure as hell would never get a place in MY army.

CQueen: And that's such a personal loss to me. Anyways, guess what, guys?

Hitsugaya: Do you suppose if we refused to talk to her she'd stop this torture?

Nemu: I doubt that.

Matsumoto: What my captain means is he's eager to hear what you have to say because he realizes you can crush him like a bug.

Hitsugaya: Don't put words in my mouth.

Matsumoto: It's for your own good!

Hitsugaya: So you say....

CQueen: Focus, people. The time for the first number is up. And since last time was all girls, with one exception, the next will be all guys with one exception too. So may I present, for the first number, a group of people I've sadly been neglecting!

**head bang and Chad appears in a Warthog costume, Ishida in a Merekat costume, and Ichigo and Orihime in lion costumes.**

[Ishida:] I can see what's happ'ning  
[Chad:] (What?)  
[Ishida:] And they don't have a clue!  
[Chad:] (Who?)  
[Ishida:] They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line  
Our trio's down to two  
[Chad:] (Oh.)

[Ishida:] The sweet caress of twilight  
There's magic everywhere  
And with all this romantic atmosphere  
Disaster's in the air

[Chad and Ishida:] Can you feel the love tonight?  
The peace the evening brings  
The world, for once, in perfect harmony  
With all its living things

[Ichigo:] So many things to tell her  
But how to make her see  
The truth about my past? Impossible!  
She'd turn away from me

[Orihime:] He's holding back, he's hiding  
But what, I can't decide  
Why won't he be the king I know he is  
The king I see inside?

[Ishida and Chad:] Can you feel the love tonight?  
You needn't look too far  
Stealing through the night's uncertainties  
Love is where they are

[Ishida:] And if he falls in love tonight  
It can be assumed  
His carefree days with us are history  
In short, our pal is doomed

CQueen: How cute was that, seriously?

Ishida: I suppose I should just be thankful I wasn't in the pig costume. No offense, Chad.

Chad: It's okay.

CQueen: If it makes you guys feel better I won't bother you guys again tonight.

Ichigo: You do that.

CQueen: Thanks so much for your permission, Carrot Top.

Ichigo: My hair is better than yours.

CQueen: Shut up.

Nanao: Think he hit a sore spot there.

CQueen: Hey, I've been told I could cosplay as you so he's insulting you too.

Nemu: And she's cosplayed as me too but I'm not insulted.

CQueen: With a father like yours, you're immune to insults.

Nemu: I am?

Kurotsuchi: Haven't I told you to stop talking to her!

Nemu: Sorry, Father.

CQueen: Well next up is a guy who I know next to nothing about but he seems pretty popular so I brought him in. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you an Arrancar who need no introduction to do a little song for you.

**head bang and Grimmjow appears in Arabian clothing **

[Grimmjow]

Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place  
Where the Espada Arrancars roam  
Where they cut off your ear  
If they don't like your face  
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.

When the wind's from the east  
And the sun's from the west  
And the sand in the glass is right  
Come on down  
Stop on by  
Hop a carpet and fly  
To another Arrancar night

Arrancar nights  
Like Arrancar days  
More often than not  
Are hotter than hot  
In a lot of good ways

Arrancar nights  
'Neath Arrancar moons  
A fool off his guard  
Could fall and fall hard  
Out there on the dunes

Orihime: Uh oh.

Aizen: Sweet.

Matsomoto: The guy looks like he's going to explode.

CQueen: You know, up close he's sorta girlie looking.

Isane: Wow..he's speechless.

Tosen: More like too angry and mortified for words.

Gin: Well I for one thought that was frickin hilarious.

Szayel Aporro Granz: She's even more evil than Aizen.

Ulquiorra: We should be following her, not him. As we are born of fear...and she inspires it even in him.

Aizen: Don't you even think of Mutiny or else.

Nanao: Or else what? They're more scared of CQueen than they are you.

Aizen: I'm ten times more evil and worth following than her. She's nothing but a stupid woman.

CQueen: What was that?

Aizen: You heard me.

Kyoraku: Dead Man talking.

Yachiru: Finally, something she and I can agree on. Kill the bastard good!

Byakuya: And make it last.

Yachiru: Hey, we finally agree on something.

Byakuya: For the first and last.

CQueen: So you want torture? I'll give you torture. I'll unleash upon you a horror that you will soon not forget.

Ukitake: What are you going to do to him?

CQueen: I'm going to make him do a Zac Effron.

**head bang and Aizen is onstage in school clothes on a golf course.**

CQueen: Aizen...Welcome to High School Musicale Hell.

Aizen:

Everybody's always talkin' at me  
Everybody's tryin' to get in my head  
I wanna listen to my own heart talkin'  
I need to count on my self instead

Did you ever?  
Loose yourself to get what you want  
Did you ever?  
Get on a ride and wanna get off  
Did you ever?  
Push away the ones you should've held close  
Did you ever let go?  
Did you ever not know?

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am  
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan  
Realize on what I lost  
You know you can  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on me

I wanna make it right, that is the way  
To turn my life around, today is the day  
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it

How will I know if there's a path worth taking?  
Should I question every move I make?  
The thought of lost my heart and it's breakin'  
I don't wanna make the same mistake

Did you ever?  
Doubt your dream will ever come true  
Did you ever?  
Blame the world and never blame you  
I will never...  
Try to live a lie again  
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am (Who I am)  
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan (That's my plan)  
Realize on what I lost  
You know you can (You know you can)  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on me

I wanna make it right, that is the way  
To turn my life around, today is the day  
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it

Oh...Hold up  
Give me room to think  
Bringin' it on down  
Gotta work on my swing  
Gotta do my own thing  
Oh...Hold up

It's no good at all  
To see yourself and not recognize your face  
Out on my own, it's such a scary place (Ooh)

The answers are all inside of me  
All I gotta do is believe

I'm not gonna stop  
Not gonna stop 'til I get my shot  
That's who I am, that is my plan  
Will I end up on top?  
You can bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it  
You can bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on me

I wanna make it right, that is the way  
To turn my life around, today is the day  
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?  
Bet on it, bet on it  
Bet on it, bet on it  
You can bet on me

Grimmjow: Okay...she's our new leader.

**other Arrancars nod frantically in agreement**

Nel: Now that's impressive..and very scary.

CQueen: Anyone else wanna mess with me tonight?

**Everyone shakes their heads rapidly**

CQueen: Good.

**curtain closes**


	10. Tenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is. Thanks so much for reading, my best to all, and have a great day.

Dedicated in part to Angelus, for reminding me about the second song, though I didn't do it quite the way you wanted.

Tenth Act

CQueen: Well hello and salutations, everyone! Did we all have a nice break from me?

Yachiru: Damn, she lives.

CQueen: You bet your ugly coloured hair I live. I've just been a little...obsessed with another fanfic lately.

Hitsugaya: Then go back to torturing them.

CQueen: Oh I will, don't worry. Spock and Uhura are just so cute together. **girlie sigh**

Nanao: What kind of names are those?

Nemu: They're from the Star Trek franchise. A new film featuring the cast of the original series has just come out; in it the characters Spock and Uhura are a couple, though there was never a suggestion of that in the television series. Spock is half Vulcan and Uhura is of African descent. Her name refers to Stars which is ironic given her occupation.

Kyoraku: Well you learn something new every day.

Nanao: And then you forget it within the hour.

Kyoraku: Nanao chan is not in a good mood today.

Nanao: Gee, I wonder why.

CQueen: That would be me. Anyways, so that I can get back to my torturing of my new, favorite, pointy earred hunk, I think it's time for the first number. Shall we start off happy or depressing?

Soifon: We'll be depressed regardless of what you chose.

Isane: But can we do happy, that would be better than sad.

CQueen: We'll do somewhere in the middle then. One of the few songs that I can stand in the High School Musicale repertoire.

Ichigo: Why do you watch that? Aren't you in your twenties? Aren't you ashamed to even admit you know it exists?

CQueen: I was genetically encoded through McDonald's Happy Meals as a child to love all things Disney. I have to watch their stuff...even at the loss of precious brain cells.

Byakuya: Which you really can't afford to lose.

CQueen: Oh up yours. I'll get around to updated this and Sex Captain's Curse for the sole purpose of screwing with you if you don't shut up.

Byakuya: ...

Yachiru: Well that shut him up.

CQueen: And now, without FURTHER ado, I present to you, from the first of the evil trilogy, "Stick With The Status Quo."

**head bang and Ukitake, Zaraki, Hisagi and Hitsugaya appear in basketball jerseys, Nanao, Isane, Byakuya and Uhohana appear in preppy attire, and Yachiru, Chad, Ichigo and Renji dressed punk. Matsumoto and Kyoraku dressed in pop star looks**

_[Hisagi:]_

You can bet

There's nothin' but net

When I am in a zone and on a roll

But I've got a confession

My own secret obsession

And it's making me lose control

_[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]_

Everybody gather 'round

_[Hisagi (spoken):]_

Well if Ishida can tell his secret than I can tell mine...I bake.

_[Zaraki (spoken):]_

What?

_[Hisagi (spoken):]_

I love to bake! Strudels, scones, even apple pandowdy!

_[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]_

Not another sound

_[Hisagi (spoken):]_

Someday I hope to make the perfect creme brulee!

_[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]_

No, no, no, nooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

If you wanna be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

_[Unohana:]_

Look at me

And what do you see

Intelligence beyond compare

But inside I am stirring

Something strange is occurring

It's a secret I need to share

_[_Nanao, Isane, Byakuya_:]_

Open up, dig way down deep

_[Unohana (spoken):]_

Hip hop is my passion! I love to pop and lock and jam and break!

_[_Nanao, Isane, Byakuya_ (spoken):]_

Is that even legal?

Not another peep

_[Unohana (spoken):]_

It's just dancing. Sometimes I think it's cooler than homework.

_[_Nanao, Isane, Byakuya_:]_

No, no, no, noooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

_[Renji :]_

Listen well

I'm ready to tell

About a need that I cannot deny

Dude, there's no explanation

For this awesome sensation

But I'm ready to let it fly

_[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]_

Speak your mind and you'll be heard

_[Renji (spoken):]_

Alright, if Troy wants to be a singer... then I'm coming clean! I play the cello!

_[Ichigo (spoken):]_

Awesome!

_[Chad (spoken):]_

What is it?

_[Ichigo (spoken):]_

A saw!

_[Renji (spoken):]_

No, dude, it's like a giant violin!

_[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]_

Not another word

_[Chad (spoken):]_

Do you have to wear a costume?

_[__Renji__ (spoken):]_

Coat and tie

_[__Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru__:]_

No, no, no, nooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

If you wanna be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quoooooooo

_[All:]_

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status quo

_[Matsumoto:]_

This is not what I want

This is not what I planned

And I just gotta say

I do not understand

Something is really...

_[Kyoraku:]_

Something's not right

_[ Matsumoto:]_

...really wrong

_[ Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]_

And we gotta get things

Back where they belong

We can do it

_[Renji:]_

Gotta play

_[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]_

Stick with what you know

_[Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]_

We can do it

_[Unohana:]_

Hip hop hooray!?

_[_Nanao, Isane, Byakuya_:]_

She has got to go

_[Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]_

We can do it

_[Hisagi:]_

Creme Brulee?

_[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]_

Keep your voice down low

_[All:]_

Not another peep

No, not another word

No, not another sound

No

_[Matsumoto:]_

Everybody quiet!

_[Orihime (spoken):]_

Why is everybody staring at you?

_[Rukia (spoken):]_

Not me, you.

_[Orihime (spoken):]_

Because of the callbacks? I can't have people staring at me! I really can't!

_[All:]_

Noooooooooooooo, no, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

If you want to be cool

Follow one simple rule

Don't mess with the flow, oh no

Stick to the status quooooooooooooo

No, no, no

Stick to the stuff you know

It is better by far

To keep things as they are

Don't mess with the flow, no no

Stick to the status

Stick to the status

Stick to the status quo

CQueen: Now wasn't that fun?

Hisagi: Is she serious?

Nemu: I believe so, yes.

Matsumoto: But you know..these are sorta getting fun. In a weird, demented sort of way.

Hitsugaya: Dear God, the stupidity is catching.

General: Captain Unohana, make a vaccine as soon as possible.

Unohana: As I'm only free of this chair when she wishes, I'm afraid I can't comply. Sorry.

CQueen: So you don't think much of me, do you, General?

General: Of course not.

CQueen: Then what's say I show you just what I think of you and your leadership abilities? Another group number, from the movie 'Pocahontas'.

head bang and all the head Shinigamis are on one end and the members of the Ishida family on the other, all in their official robes. In the middle of them is Ichigo tied up with his head on a block.

[General]  
What can you expect  
From filthy little Quincies?  
Their whole disgusting race is like a curse  
Their blood's a hellish red  
They're only good when dead  
They're vermin, as I said  
And worse

[Shinigamis]  
They're savages! Savages!

[General]  
Barely even human

[Shinigamis]  
Savages! Savages!

[General]  
Drive them from our shore!  
They're not like you and me  
Which means they must be evil  
We must sound the drums of war!

[General+Shinigamis]  
They're savages! Savages!  
Dirty human devils!  
Now we sound the drums of war!

[Sōken Ishida]  
This is what we feared  
The shinigamis are a demon  
The only thing they feel at all is greed

[Ryūken Ishida]  
Beneath that milky hide  
There's emptiness inside

[Quincies]  
I wonder if they even bleed  
They're savages! Savages!  
Barely even human  
Savages! Savages!

[Sōken Ishida]  
Killers at the core

[Ryūken Ishida]  
They're different from us  
Which means they can't be trusted

[Sōken Ishida]  
We must sound the drums of war

[Quincies]  
They're savages! Savages!  
First we deal with this one  
Then we sound the drums of war

[Shinigamis]  
Savages! Savages!

[Kurotsuchi]  
Let's go kill a few, men!

[Quincies]  
Savages! Savages!

[General]  
Now it's up to you, men!

[All]  
Savages! Savages!  
Barely even human!  
Now we sound the drums of war!

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Is there nothing I can do?  
Will this really be the end?  
Is it only death that waits  
Just around the riverbend?

[General]  
This will be the day ...  
(Let's go men!)

[Sōken Ishida]  
This will be the morning ...  
(Bring out the prisoner, Ichigo)

[All]  
We will see them dying in the dust

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
I don't know what I can do  
Still, I know I've got to try

[Shinigamis]  
Now we make 'em pay

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Eagle, help my feet to fly

[Quincies]  
Now without a warning ...

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Mountain, help my heart be great

[All]  
Now we leave 'em blood and bone and rust

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Spirits of the earth and sky ...

[All]  
It's them or us

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Please don't let it be to late ...

[All]  
They're just a bunch of  
Filthy, stinking

[Shinigamis]  
Savages!

[Quincies]  
Savages!

[Shinigamis]  
Demons!

[Quincies]  
Devils!

[General]  
Kill them!

[Quincies]  
Savages!

[Shinigamis]  
Savages!

[General + Shinigamis]  
What are we waiting for?

[All]  
Destroy their evil race  
Until there's not a trace left

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
How loud are the drums of war?

[All]  
We will sound the drums of war  
(Savages! Savages!)  
Now, we sound the drums of war  
(Savages! Savages!)

[General]  
Now we see what comes  
Of trying to be chums

[Quincies]  
Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!

[Shinigamis]  
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!

[**Uryū Ishida**]  
Is the death of all I love  
Carried in the drumming of war?

CQueen: How you like them apples?

Everyone: ....

Nemu: It was quite intelligent of you to use our past history with the Quincies as an allegory for the rift and conflict between the Europeans and the First Nation People.

CQueen: Thank you, Nemu.

Are you...accusing me of mass genocide?

CQueen: Who says there aren't any brains in that bald head of yours. Oh wait, that would be me!

General: It was necessary!

CQueen: Oh, like none of you could have used your words?

Ishida: You know, she's starting to grow on me.

Nemu: So you don't mind that she assigned you a female role, Ishida san?

Ishida: Well...

Ichigo: What I want to know is why my friggin head was on the block?

CQueen: Don't worry, it didn't get chopped off. Anyway, on to the final and last because these are all really long numbers. Any requests? No, well okay then. For your last number-

Hitsugaya: You didn't give us time to answer!

CQueen: As I was saying, the final number of the night, with my fond good nights to all. Ciao!

**head bong and Hinamori, Hitsugaya, Unohana and Ichigo's dad appear in Victorian garbs**

Unohana

It's...  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Even though the sound of it  
Is something quite atrocious  
If you say it loud enough  
You'll always sound precocious

All:  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

Isshin Kurosaki:  
Because I was afraid to speak  
When I was just a lad  
My father gave me nose a tweak  
And told me I was bad  
But then one day I learned a word  
That saved me achin' nose

All:  
The biggest word I ever heard  
And this is how it goes: Oh!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Even though the sound of it  
Is something quite atrocious  
If you say it loud enough  
You'll always sound precocious  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

Unohana:  
He traveled all around the world  
And everywhere he went  
He'd use his word and all would say  
"There goes a clever gent"

Isshin Kurosaki:  
When Dukes and maharajas  
Pass the time of day with me  
I say me special word and then  
They ask me out to tea

All:  
Oh..  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Even though the sound of it  
Is something quite atrocious  
If you say it loud enough  
You'll always sound precocious  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay  
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!

Unohana:  
So when the cat has got your tongue  
There's no need for dismay  
Just summon up this word  
And then you've got a lot to say

But better use it carefully  
Or it could change your life

Renji:  
For example  
One night I said it to me girl  
And now me girl's my wife!

And a lovely thing she is too.

All:  
She's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious  
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

**curtain closes once more**


	11. Eleventh Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is, people. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this latest chapter.

Eleventh Act

CQueen: Dear God, can you guys believe we're on the eleventh chapter? That means I've already made you guys sing thirty Disney songs!

Hitsugaya: Please don't remind us.

Matsumoto: Has it really been that many? Maybe we're all traumatized, and were blocking the memories for our own mental preservation.

Renji: That makes sense.

Ichigo: We all have plenty to repress, that's for sure.

Rukia: Some more than others.

CQueen: Funny you should say that, Rukia. I've gotten several e-mails and reviews expressing displeasure at the lack of exposure you're receiving.

Rukia: What? How many enemies could I have?

Ichigo: If they know you a hell of a lot.

CQueen: Well either way, Rukia gets to perform the first song for this evening due to all those frantic requests for her to perform.

Rukia: Renji, if you care about me at all, you find out who these reviewers are and kill them all.

CQueen: If you think I'll let him kill my reviewers you're dumber than your haircut. I don't have enough to begin with.

Byakuya: Review whore.

CQueen: I'll remember that. And now, for the first song, we have Rukia singing a little tune from "The Little Mermaid."

head bong and Rukia is on stage dressed up like a mermaid

Rukia:

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?  
Wouldn't you think my life's complete?  
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl  
The girl who has everything?

Look at this life, treasures untold  
How many wonders can one Society hold?  
Looking around here, you'd think  
Sure, she's got everything

I've got katanas and kimonos a-plenty  
I've got shinigami and battle's-its galore  
You want hunk-a-ma-bobs?  
We've got twenty  
But who cares? No big deal. I want more

I wanna be where the people are  
I wanna see, wanna see 'em livin'  
walkin' around with those  
Whaddya call 'em? Oh, souls

Flippin' your swords, you don't get too far  
Life is required for jumpin', dancin'  
Strollin' along down the  
What's that word again? Street  
Up where they walk  
Up where they run  
Up where they stay all day in the sun  
Wanderin' free, wish I could be  
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live  
Outta this lifestyle?  
What would I pay to spend a day  
Warm on the sand?

Betcha on Earth they understand  
Bet they don't reprimand their sisters  
Bright young women, sick of swimmin'  
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know  
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers  
What's a Bayblade, and why does it  
What's the word? Suck?

When's it my turn?  
Wouldn't I love?  
Love to explore that life up above  
Out of this place, wish I could be  
Part of that world

CQueen: There we go, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Nemu: Not as good as some of your earlier work.

CQueen: I know, but I had to give her one and this was the best I could come up with on short notice. I'll probably do worse eventually, when I've wrung this whole concept dry.

Nanao: A day we look forward to with baited breath.

Kyoraku: Now, now, Nanao chan. Let's not make her angry at you.

CQueen: Oh don't worry, I just watched the new Transformers and got one hell of a Shia fix. I'm in too good of a mood to pick on a character I actually really like.

Matsumoto: Shia LaBeouf? Isn't he just the yummiest?

CQueen: And how.

Gin: You both wish you could get a guy like that.

Matsumoto and CQueen: Hell yes!!!

Yachiru: Then you know its cruel to trap us here when we could be seeing the new Transformers movie.

CQueen: You can watch it on DVD when it comes out. Anyways, It's time for the next act, which is going to be performed by two characters who have yet to grace my stage. Yuzu, Karin, time to step up to the plate.

Ichigo: LEAVE MY SISTERS ALONE!

CQueen: No need to yell. And you don't have a say. Besides, they'll be singing this song for you!

head bong and the two girls are on stage dressed in dresses atop a lighthouse

Karin:

I'll be your candle on the water  
My love for you will always burn  
I know you're lost and drifting  
But the clouds are lifting  
Don't give up you'll have somewhere to turn

Yuzu:  
I'll be your candle on the water  
'Till ev'ry wave is warm and bright  
My soul is there beside you  
Let this candle guide you  
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light

Karin:  
A cold and friendless tide has found you  
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down  
I'll paint a ray of hope around you  
Circling in the air  
Lighted by a prayer

Karin and Yuzu:  
I'll be your candle on the water  
This flame inside of me will grow  
Keep holding on you'll make it  
Here's my hand so take it  
Look for me reaching out to show  
As sure as rivers flow  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go...

Isshin: That was, was so beautiful! bursts out crying

Ichigo: Oh geez, Dad.

Karin: I can't believe she made us sing something so damn sappy.

Hitsugaya: She could have done a lot worse. Besides, you were fine up there.

Ichigo: Hey! No hitting on the little sister or I'll hit you!

Hitsugaya: And how do you propose to do that without HER help.

CQueen: Yeah, how are you? I like Hitsugaya way more than you.

Yuzu: Can we just not fight, please?

Hana: Yes, it will get you nowhere anyway.

Ichigo: Who asked you, pipsqueak?

Yuzu: Don't pick on Hana chan!

Ichigo: Chan is right.

Nanao: Will you all stop acting like children!

CQueen: Guess we should just love on to the final song for the sake of everyone's sanity. Though sanity isn't exactly a word one usually attributes to this final song. I mean the one singer is called the Mad Hatter for a reason.

Nemu: You're doing a song from "Alice in Wonderland"?

CQueen: I figured I should make the effort to do at least one song from every musical Disney movie.

Nemu: So they'll be singing the "Unbirthday" song?

CQueen: Yup. And with that introduction I give you the Mad Hatter, The March Hare, and Alice!

head bong and Nanao appears in a blue dress and apron, while Ukitake and Kyoraku appear in old fashion suits, Kyoraku's top hat featuring bunny ears.

Kyoraku:  
A very merry unbirthday to me

Ukitake:  
To who?

Kyoraku:  
To me

Ukitake:  
Oh you!

Kyoraku:  
A very merry unbirthday to you

Ukitake:  
Who me?

Kyoraku:  
Yes, you!

Ukitake:  
Oh, me!

Kyoraku:  
Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea  
A very merry unbirthday to you!

Ukitake:  
Now, statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday

Kyoraku:  
Imagine, just one birthday every year

Ukitake:  
Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays!

Kyoraku:  
Precisely why we're gathered here to cheer

BOTH:  
A very merry unbirthday to you, to you

Nanao:  
To me?

Ukitake:  
To you!

BOTH:  
A very merry unbirthday

Nanao:  
For me?

Kyoraku:  
For you!

Ukitake:  
Now blow the candle out my dear  
And make your wish come true

BOTH:  
A merry merry unbirthday to you!

Nemu: An interesting interpretation of Lewis Carroll's novel.

CQueen: Yeah, one of the few Disney movies I didn't own as a kid. My mom didn't like it. Anyways, hope you guys all have a great evening, see ya later!

curtain closes


	12. Twelfth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the situations and the changed lyrics. Thanks so much for reading and please review if you can!

Twelfth Act

CQueen: How's everyone doing today?

Renji: You're alive. Enough said.

CQueen: I missed you too, Tattoo Boy.

Soifon: Who do you intend to torture today, you despicable person?

Yoruichi: Now there's the way to get on her good side.

CQueen: Actually, I decided that today I'm just going to torture the earth dwellers. I've been neglecting them all horribly.

Ichigo: Earth dwellers? Crap.

CQueen: Don't worry, you're role in today's horrors will be small. The people I'm aiming to degrade are the lovely occupants of the "Urahara's Shop".

Urahara: Oh crap is right.

CQueen: That's right, Floppy Hat. You're up for your major singing debut. Front and center.

Urahara: Yoruichi will avenge me.

CQueen: She's singing too. But now, for our first song, we have several members of the infamous shop singing a little ditty from "Bed Knobs and Broomsticks". Please enjoy!

**head bang and all the occupants of the Urahara Store are present onstage in his shop**

Urahara:

Urahara's Shop, Urahara's Shop  
Store where the riches of ages are stowed.  
Anything and everything a chap can unload  
Is sold off the barrow in Urahara's Shop.  
You'll find what you want in the Urahara's Shop.

Tessai:  
Rare alabaster?

Urahara:

Genuine plaster!

Tessai:  
A filigreed samovar owned by the Fons.  
A pen used by Renji?

Urahara:

A new Boticelli?

Tessai:  
The snipper that clipped old General Yamamoto's cigars?

Ururu:  
Waterford Crystals?

Jinta:

Zaraki's pistols?

Society heirlooms with genuine gems!  
Rembrandts! El Greco's! Toulouse-Letrec'os!

Urahara:

Painted last week on the banks of the Thames!

All:  
Urahara's Shop, Urahara's Shop!  
Store where the riches of ages are stowed  
Anything and everything a chap can unload  
Is sold off the barrow in Urahara's Shop.  
You'll meet all your chums in the Urahara's Shop

Tessai:  
"Nemu's Peerage;" "The Blade Book;" "The Fistfighter's Guidebook;"  
A Victorian novel, "The Unwanted Seat;"  
"The History of Plotting", "The Yearbook of Yachiru,"  
The leather bound "Life of Kuchiki the Hun."

All:

Urahara's Shop, Portobello Road  
Street where the riches of ages are stowed  
Artifacts to glorify our regal abode  
Are hidden in the flotsam in Urahara's Shop  
You'll find what you want in the Urahara's Shop

Tokens and treasures, yesterday's pleasures  
Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old  
Dented and tarnished, scarred and unvarnished  
In old Urahara's they're bought and they're sold

Urahara's Shop, Urahara's Shop  
Store where the riches of ages are stowed  
Artifacts to glorify our regal abode  
Are hidden in the flotsam in Urahara's Shop.  
You'll find what you want in the Urahara's Shop

CQueen: I'm rather proud of that one.

Hitsugaya: She has done worse. At least you guys didn't have to wear dumb costumes.

Jinta: That's easy for you to say. She's leaving you alone this chapter.

Ururu: Well..Captain Hitsugaya does have a point. It could have been worse.

Tessai: Try not to jinx us there.

Urahara: Well I for one think that if we're being tortured Yoruichi shouldn't be left out.

Yoruichi: You bastard.

CQueen: Well then would the two of you like to do the next song together? Would that make you both feel better?

Yoruichi and Urahara: NO!

CQueen: Well too bad..cause you are. Both of you.

Yoruichi: Damn it.

Soifon: Leave her alone, you demon from hell!

CQueen: Don't worry, it won't be that bad...I think.

Nemu: You do have a different way of looking at things than most.

CQueen: Very true. Anyway, here's Yoruichi and Urahara singing a song for you once again.

**head bang and Yoruichi and Urahara appear onstage dressed as Siamese Cats**

Urahara and Yoruichi:

We are Japanese if you please  
We are Japanese if you don't please  
Now we're looking over our new domisile  
If we like we stay for maybe quite a while

Yoruichi:  
Do you see that spirit swimming round and round

Urahara:  
Yes. Maybe we can reach on in and make it drown  
If we sneaking up upon it carefully

Yoruichi:  
There will be head for you and a tail for me

Urahara:

Do you hear what I hear?

Yoruichi:

A battle cry

Where we finding battle there be trouble nearby

Urahara and Yoruichi:

And if we fight in baby battle there could be

Urahara:

Plenty of fun for you and also some for me

**both return to seats**

CQueen: See, that was short and sweet, no?

Yoruichi: Well at least I got to be a cat again.

Urahara: You are pretty cute with cat ears but still...I'm getting pretty sick of this sing along business.

Renji: Says the guy who hasn't been tortured nearly as much as the rest of us.

Ichigo: She's the enemy, guys. Focus.

CQueen: Awwww, are you feeling neglected, Ichigo?

Ichigo: Hell no!

Orihime: Uh oh. Play nice with her. I could..would you like me to make you some delicious supper, Miss CQueen?

Ishida: Yeah, that's a great idea, Orihime san.

CQueen: You're hoping she gives me food poisoning, aren't you?

Ishida: …..

CQueen: Just for that you can join the two above offenders in the last song of the evening. A lovely little song from the movie "Enchanted".

Ichigo: Crap.

**head bong and Orihime appears in a blue dress, Ichigo in a business suit, and Ishida dressed in a Hawaiian shirt**

Orihime:  
How does she know you love her?  
How does she know she's yours?

Ishida:  
How does she know that you love her?

Orihime:  
How do you show her you love her?

Both:  
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?  
How does she know that you love her?  
How do you show her you love her?  
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?

Orihime:  
It's not enough to take the one you love for granted  
You must remind her, or she'll be inclined to say...  
"How do I know he loves me?"  
(How does she know that you love her?  
How do you show her you love her?)  
"How do I know he's mine?"  
(How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?)

Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?  
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey? Heyy!  
He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday  
That's how you know, that's how you know!  
He's your love...

Ishida:  
You've got to show her you need her  
Don't treat her like a mind reader  
Each day do something to need her  
To believe you love her

Orihime:  
Everybody wants to live happily ever after  
Everybody wants to know their true love is true...  
How do you know he loves you?  
(How does she know that you love her?  
How do you show her you need her?)  
How do you know he's yours?  
(How does she know that you really, really, truely-)

Well does he take you out dancin' just so he can hold you close?  
Dedicate a song with words in  
Just for you? Ohhh!

All:  
He'll find his own way to tell you  
With the little things he'll do  
That's how you know  
That's how you know!

Orihime:  
He's your love  
He's your love...

That's how you know  
(la la la la la la la la)  
He loves you  
(la la la la la la la la)  
That's how you know  
(la la la la la la la la)  
It's true  
(la la la la la)

Because he'll wear your favourite color  
Just so he can match your eyes  
Rent a private picnic  
By the fires glow-oohh!

All:  
His heart will be yours forever  
Something every day will show  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know  
(That's how you know)  
That's how you know!

Orihime:  
He's your love...

Ishida:  
That's how she knows that you love her  
That's how you show her you love her

Orihime:  
That's how you know...  
That's how you know...  
He's your love...

CQueen: Are you feeling the love, Ichigo?

Ichigo **bright red**

CQueen: And we end on that happy thought. Ciao, everyone!


	13. Thirteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Thirteenth Act

CQueen: Well we've come to unlucky number thirteen, guys. Scared?

Zaraki: How much worse could it get, seriously?

Byakuya: And we will get our revenge, it's only a matter of time.

CQueen: Yeah, you keep saying that, and I keep screwing with you guys. But hey, I think you'll actually like the three songs today. I worked really hard on them this time.

Yachiru: So we sing songs that actually flow nicely. Like we care?

CQueen: We'll I care, since it reflects on me.

Hitsugaya: Do you suppose we care how it reflects on you?

Nemu: i think they don't.

CQueen: Anyways...the reason why you guys should like the songs today is I chose songs sang solely by Disney villains .

Hitsugaya: Villains? Wait, does that mean that only the bad guys have to sing today?

Matsumoto: Sweet!

CQueen: Well a couple good guys are appearing, at least in this first one, but I don't think they'll mind terribly.

Aizen: Shit.

CQueen: Don't worry, you aren't in any of these..exactly. Anyways, here's the first one, sang by the lovely Yoruichi, and taken from the second Lion King movie!

**Yoruichi appears wearing a lion costume as are Ichigo, Soifon and Omaeda.**

Yoruichi:  
Sleep, my little Ichigo  
Let your dreams take wing  
One day when you're big and strong  
You will be a king

Ichigo:  
Good night...

Yoruichi:  
Good night, my little prince.  
Tomorrow, your training intensifies.

I've been exiled, persecuted  
Left alone with no defence  
When I think of what Yamamoto did  
I get a little tense

But I dream a dream so pretty  
That I don't feel so depressed  
'Cause it soothes my inner kitty  
And it helps me get some rest

The sound of Aizen's dying gasp  
His minions squealing in my grasp  
His lieutenant's mournful cry  
That's my lullaby

Now the past I've tried forgetting  
And my foes I could forgive  
Trouble is, I knows it's petty  
But I hate to let them live

Omaeda:  
So you found yourself somebody who'd chase Aizen up a tree

Yoruichi:  
Oh, the battle may be bloody, but that kind of works for me

The melody of angry growls  
A counterpoint of painful howls  
A symphony of death, oh my!  
That's my lullaby

My captaincy's gone... but Yoruichi's still around  
To love this little lad  
Till he learns to be a killer  
With a lust for being bad!

Omaeda:  
Sleep, ya little termite!  
Uh-- I mean, precious little thing!

Soifon:  
One day when you're big and strong

Yoruichi:  
You will be a king!

The pounding of the drums of war  
The thrill of Ichigo's mighty roar

Omaeda:  
The joy of vengeance

Soifon:  
Testify!

Yoruichi:  
I can hear the cheering

Omaeda and Soifon:  
Ichigo! What a guy!

Yoruichi:  
Payback time is nearing  
And then our flag will fly  
Against a blood-red sky  
That's my lullaby!

CQueen: How perfect was that, seriously?

Ichigo: Well at least I only had one line.

Yoruichi: Let's sing it again!.

Soifon: Yoruichi sama!

Ichigo: You do that. Without me.

CQueen: Well I think that's my best one yet.

Byakuya: Like that's saying anything?

CQueen: Shut up.

Nemu: But if he does that he can't sing.

CQueen: Well lucky him, he isn't singing today so him shutting the hell up isn't a bad thing. Today anyways. I'm gonna get him later if it's the last thing I do.

Yachiru: Just so long as you don't use me to do it.

CQueen: But I love using you to punish him. It's almost as much fun as putting weird things in Nemu's head.

Nemu: My father really wishes you'd stop doing that.

Kurotsuchi: Well if you'd just stop talking to her than maybe you wouldn't be so screwed up already!

Nemu: Sorry, Father.

CQueen: Well since he dislikes me so much I think he should be punished. Severely. After all, a girl's feelings are a delicate thing. Men shouldn't hurt them and not be punished for it. Don't you agree, Doc?"

Kurotsuchi: F&*K.

CQueen: And so, here's out beloved mad scientist singing a little song from "The Sword in the Stone".

**head bang and Kurotsuchi is onstage **

Kurotsuchi:

With only a touch  
I have the power  
Zim zabberim zim  
To wither a flower  
I find delight in the gruesome and grim  
'Cause I'm the magnificent, marvellous, mad Master Mayuri

I can be huge  
Fill the whole house  
I can be tiny,  
Small as a mouse  
Black science is my dish of tea  
It comes easy to me 'cause I'm the  
Magnificent, marvellous, mad Master Mayuri!

I can be beautiful, lovely and fair  
Silvery voice, blue purple hair  
La la la la la, la la la la la  
La la la la la  
La la la la la, la la la la la  
La la la la la  
But it's only skin deep  
For zim zabberim zim  
I'm an ugly old creep  
The magnificent, marvellous, mad, mad, mad, mad Master Mayuri!

Nemu: Uh oh.

Kyoraku: Sweet.

Matsomoto: That was pretty sick, you gotta admit.

Kurotsuchi: ...

Ukitake: Wow..he's actually speechless.

Hitsugaya: More like too busy planning her untimely end to speak. It is not going to be pretty when he lets loose. Nemu san, you might want to move over here before that happens.

Yachiru: Well I for one thought that was frickin hilarious.

Soifon: But it suited him pretty well. She really did put more effort into the songs today.

CQueen: Why thank you, Soifon.

Soifon: I didn't say that that was a good thing.

Nanao: Well at least nobody is being horribly embarrassed today who didn't have it coming in the first place.

Kyoraku: True, true.

CQueen: Anyway, would you guys like to hear what the last song is going to be?

Aizen: No.

Kyoraku: Dead Man talking again.

CQueen: And what a dead man! The things I have planned! **EVIL, EVIL LAUGHTER**

Aizen: Oh how I hate her.

Yachiru: Can I kill him? Please? Please? Pretty, pretty, please!

Byakuya: Better yet, let them kill each other.

CQueen: Well the last song doesn't actually have Aizen in it, I couldn't come up with a good one to torture him with. So we're ending this act with a song by Arrancars.

Ulquiorra: Damn.

CQueen: How'd you know it was going to be you taking the lead? You're so smart. Anyways, we end today with a song from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"!

**head bang and Ulquiorra and the other Arrancars are dressed in priest and nun garbs.**

Ulquiorra:  
Beata Maria  
You know I am a righteous man  
Of my virtue I am justly proud

Arrancars:  
Et tibit Pater (And to you, Father)

Ulquiorra:  
Beata Maria  
You know I'm so much purer than  
The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd

Arrancars:  
Quia peccavi nimis (That I have sinned)

Ulquiorra:  
Then tell me, Maria  
Why I see her dancing there  
Why her smold'ring eyes still scorch my soul

Arrancars:  
Cogitatione (In thought)

Ulquiorra:  
I feel her, I see her  
The sun caught in Orihime's hair  
Is blazing in me out of all control

Arrancars:  
Verbo et opere (In word and deed)

Ulquiorra:  
Like fire  
Hellfire  
This fire in my skin  
This burning  
Desire  
Is turning me to sin

It's not my fault

Arrancars:  
Mea culpa (Through my fault)

Ulquiorra:  
I'm not to blame

Arrancars:  
Mea culpa (Through my fault)

Ulquiorra:  
It is the human girl  
The witch who sent this flame

Arrancars:  
Mea maxima culpa (Through my most grievous fault)

Ulquiorra:  
It's not my fault

Arrancars:  
Mea culpa (Through my fault)

Ulquiorra:  
If in Aizen's plan

Arrancars:  
Mea culpa (Through my fault)

Ulquiorra:  
He made the devil so much  
Stronger than a man

Arrancars:  
Mea maxima culpa (Through my most grievous fault)

Ulquiorra:  
Protect me, Maria  
Don't let this siren cast her spell  
Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone  
Destroy Orihime

And let her taste the fires of hell  
Or else let her be mine and mine alone

Hellfire  
Dark fire  
Now gypsy, it's your turn  
Choose me or  
Your pyre  
Be mine or you will burn

Arrancars:  
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Ulquiorra:  
God have mercy on her

Arrancars:  
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Ulquiorra:  
God have mercy on me

Arrancars:  
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)

Ulquiorra:  
But she will be mine  
Or she will burn!

CQueen: And isn't he just smokin hot?

Ulquiorra: Once again, Kurosaki san, I ask you to kill me.

Ichigo: Hell no!

CQueen: Awwwwwwwww, is someone jealous?

Orihime: Uhm..Kurosaki san?

Ichigo: Nexy person who talks to me ends up dead.

CQueen: No wonder you don't have a girlfriend yet. Anyways, thanks for reading, see you all next time!

**curtain closes once more**


	14. Fourteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think.

Fourteenth Act

CQueen: Hey, everyone, how's it going for all of you?

Ichigo: There goes our feeble hopes that you'd have forgotten about us.

CQueen: I did, for a while, but I can only write so many Harry Potter fics before I need to come back to my oldies.

Matsumoto: Well we think you should concentrate on Harry Potter. I mean our series is still going but all those poor Harry Potter fans…they must be going through horrible Potter withdrawal.

Hinamori: It's your duty to supply them with more.

CQueen: Well unfortunately for you and me, they aren't that popular. People on this site prefer my BLEACH fics most.

Hitsugaya: Damn.

CQueen: But if it makes you feel better I'm having even more fun torturing Albus and Scorpius than I have messing with you guys.

Yachiru: Oh joy and rapture.

CQueen: Which means that I'm going to be leaving you guys alone more often, but since you shot your mouth off as always I'll just start the next song, shall I?

Yachiru: Crap.

CQueen: Don't worry; as much as I love screwing with you Hana gets front stage today.

Hana: I…I what?

CQueen: So ladies and gentlemen, I give you a whole group number for everyone with Hana chan in the lead. Presenting the song "After Today" from "A Goofy Movie".

**head bang and everyone is onstage in street clothes**

Hana: They've been laughin' since I can't remember  
But they're not gonna laugh anymore  
No more "Hana the Geek", no more "Goof of the Week" like before

Isane: No more algebra tests 'til September

Hisagi: No more lookin' at losers like him

Omeada: No more havin' to cheat

Zaraki: No more mystery meat

Renji: No more gym!

Kira: No more gym!

Hinamori: No more gym!

Yachiru: NO MORE GYM!

Matsumoto: Gonna move to the mall

Gin: Gonna live in the pool

Hana: Gonna talk to Yuzu and not feel like a fool

All: 'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruisin'

Hana: After today, she'll be mine!

All: After today my brains'll be snoozing

Hana: If I don't faint, I'll be fine!

Nanao and Soifon: I've got forty more minutes of Home Economics

Kyoraku and Zaraki: Then down with the textbooks

Kira: And up with the comics!

Hana: Just think of all the time I've been losing, finding the right thing to say

All: Things'll be goin' my way after today

Hana: She looked right through me, and who could blame her?  
I need a new me  
Plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof

Visoreds: And after today I'm gonna be cruisin'

Arrancars: No more pep rallies to cut, Blech!

All: After today my brains'll be snoozing

Omaeda: I'm gonna sit on my butt

Hana: I've got less than an hour  
And when this is ended  
I'll either be famous

General: Or you'll be suspended!

All: Just think of all the time I've been losing  
Waiting until I could say  
Gonna be on my own  
Kiss the parents good-bye  
Gonna party from now 'til the end of July  
Things'll be goin' my way  
After today

Hana: I wish that this was the day  
After today

**everyone returns to their seats**

Matsumoto: Okay that was seriously cute.

Isane: Very cute. Hana chan, you were really great up there.

Hana: **blush**

Karin: It certainly suited him anyway, right, Yuzu?

Yuzu: **blush**

CQueen: They're so cute, aren't they?

**all women nod in agreement**

Ishida: Quit pouting, Ichigo. At least you'll never have to worry about him with her.

Ichigo: Well that's true at least.

Karin: No kidding.

Yuzu: You guys!!!!

Isshin: Over my dead body.

Ichigo: Well, old man, technically you already are.

Isshin: Shut up. Are you trying to break your daddy's heart here?

CQueen: Yeah, well-before he gets going let's go on to the next number, shall we?

Karin: Heck ya.

CQueen: Okay, the next number is another group number and this one is taken from the film that put Walt Disney on the map. If I have to introduce this song I am too disappointed in my readers for words.

**head bong and the entire eleventh division is onstage dressed as dwarves**

The Entire Eleventh Division:

Heigh ho!  
Heigh ho!  
Heigh ho!  
Heigh ho!

Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho,  
Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho hum!

We fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight  
In a battle the whole day through!  
To fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight  
Is what we like to do!

It ain't no trick to get rich quick  
If you fight, fight, fight with a shovel or a pick  
In a battle! In a battle! In a battle! In a battle!  
Where a million fighters shine!

We fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight  
From early morn til night!  
We fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight  
Kill everything in sight!

We beat up Hollows by the score!  
A thousand dead, sometimes more!  
But we don't know what we fight 'em for!  
We fight, fight, fight-a-fight, fight!

Heigh ho! Heigh ho!  
It's off to fight we go!  
So keep on fighting all day long!  
Heigh ho! Heigh ho heigh ho  
Heigh ho! Heigh ho!  
For if you're feelin' low,  
You positively can't go wrong with a high  
Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho.

CQueen: Now you all gotta admit that was pretty sweet.

Zaraki: Death can't come to you soon enough.

Yachiru: if it's the last thing we do we're gonna see you dead, lady. Right, guys?

**All eleventh division roars agreement**

CQueen: Or I could just kill you all off right now and you'll never fight anyone, much less kill me again. How you like them apples?

Nemu: What do apples have to do with any of this?

Kyoraku: It's an expression, Nemu chan.

Nemu: Ah, I see now. It's like that forest one you told me about, about the tree falling where no one can hear it.

Nanao: Lets just get to the last song, okay?

CQueen: So impatient. Eager for me to get back to writing about you, Nanao chan?

Nanao: I've repeatedly told you that you do not have my permission to call me by my first name and no, I'd rather be chained to my captain for life than have you write any more of your twisted stories about me.

Kyoraku: Now, Nanao chan-

Nanao: Don't you Nanao me, Sir.

CQueen: The Sir sorta killed the feel of things, Nanao chan. But anyway, since it's late and all, I will present the third and final song of today's act and then head for bed. Sound good to you all?

Matsumoto: That depends who you're torturing next, now doesn't it?

CQueen: Torturing is such a harsh word, Ran chan.

Yoruichi: But apt.

CQueen: Then isn't it lucky for you that you will be the only one singing in the last song this evening.

Yoruichi: Crap.

CQueen: But not alone, so don't worry. And so, for your reading pleasure, I give you a production of "Oliver and Company's" hit song "Streets of Gold".

**head bang and Yoruichi, Orihime, Chad and Ishida appear in dog costumes and Ichigo is dressed as a cute orange kitten**

Yoruichi:

We Gotta clean you up, Ichigo and give  
you some on the job training ohhh yea

Now listen up you've got a lot to learn,  
and if you don't learn, you don't eat.  
But if your tough and always use your head,  
you'll be right at home on the street.  
When you've got talent everything is free,  
Watch how we do things,  
ohhh I guarantee.

Your gonna see how the best survive,  
We make an art out of staying alive.  
If you do just as your told,  
These are Streets of Gold.

Every Soul Society is a miracle mile,  
You'll take the town,  
and You'll take it with style,  
If You play it brave and bold,  
These are Streets of Gold.

Your gonna see how the best survive,  
We make an art out of staying alive.  
If you do just as your told,  
These are Streets of Gold.  
(Streets of Gold)

Every Soul Society is a miracle mile,  
You'll take the town,  
and You'll take it with style,  
If You play it brave and bold,  
These are Streets of Gold

Your gonna see how the best survive,  
We make an art out of staying alive.  
If you do just as your told,  
These are Streets of Gold.

Every Soul Society is a miracle mile,  
You'll take the town,  
and You'll take it with style,  
If You play it brave and bold,  
These are Streets of Gold.

Orihime: Kurosaki san is such a cute kitty!

Ishida: Isn't he just?

Yoruichi: I'd have preferred to be a cat too but overall I liked it well enough. At least you're giving me fun stuff now.

CQueen: You're welcome. Now any final comments before I head out?

ALL: JUST GO, ALREADY!

CQueen: Gee, everyone's a critic.

**curtains close on the fourteenth act**


	15. Fifteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think.

Fifteenth Act

CQueen: Well I just posted another chapter for 'Sexy Captain's Curse' which means I'm torturing twice in one day. Sucks to be your guys today, huh?

Kyoraku: Actually, I think we're sorta becoming immune to all this. I mean you do this to us about twice a month and it's kinda become like a scheduled visit with your grandmother or the ex you wish you didn't have to see.

Nanao: Or exes in your case.

Matsumoto: Yeah, and when we're not the ones being tortured this is all actually pretty funny. Plus you've united everyone in their mutual hatred for you, so that we won't be fighting each other when this is over anymore.

Hinamori: Which will be a nice change of pace.

CQueen: Wait, are you saying I've essentially ended the BLEACH series because none of you want to fight anymore? Even Zaraki and Soifon?

Zaraki: Oh we want to fight all right. It's just that we're all committed to killing you before we go back to our usual squabbles.

CQueen: Awwww. I feel special.

Yachiru:Oh we've got something special cooked up for your demise, let me tell you.

CQueen: Actually, I'd really rather not know ahead of time. Surprise me.

Yachiru: Oh we'll surprise you all right. I didn't even think what we came up with was anatomically possible, but the kooks in the twelfth division tell me otherwise.

CQueen:Okay.... so yeah, let's get to the first song, okay.

Hitsugaya: So who's being screwed over today?

CQueen: Well that depends on how you look at it really. I actually just reheard this song recently and just knew it was perfect to describe Kuchiki. But unfortunately, Renji is going to have to be the one actually singing it, and thus gaining Kuchiki's eternal hatred. Oh well, them's the breaks, right? Presenting a little song from "The Emperor's New Groove".

**head bang and Renji is onstage dressed in uniform, as is Kuchiki behind him, dancing techno**

Renji

There are despots and dictators  
Political manipulators  
There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas  
There are kings and petty tyrants  
Who are so lacking in refinements  
They'd be better suited swinging from the trees

He was born and raised to rule  
No one has ever been this cool  
In a thousand years of aristocracy  
An enigma and a mystery  
In Soul Society History  
The quintessence of perfection that is he

He's the sovereign lord of the division  
He's the hippest dude in creation  
He's a hep cat in the sixth division clothes  
Years of such selective breeding  
Generations have been leading  
To this miracle of life that we all know

What's his name?  
Kuchiki, Kuchiki, Kuchiki...

He's the sovereign lord of the nation  
He's the hippest cat in creation  
He's the alpha, the omega, a to z  
And this perfect world will spin  
Around his every little whim  
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with him

What's his name?  
Kuchiki, Kuchiki, Kuchiki...

**both return to their seats**

Rukia: Oh dear heavens.

Renji: All right. Rukia, my will is in the top drawer of my bedroom dresser.

Byakuya: I'm not going to kill you.

Renji: You aren't going to kill me?

Byakuya: Of course not. How would I torture you for the rest of your life if you're dead?

CQueen: They're such a cute family, aren't they?

Renji: At least I'll live to see you die under my captain's hand.

Ichigo: Or whichever one of us gets to her first.

Soifon: No kidding.

Rukia: Can't we all just put aside our differences and concentrate on hating her, please!

Aizen: That's the plan.

Yoruichi: You guys ever think that she's planning to just keep us locked up here forever?.

Ichigo: Shut up. Don't give her ideas!

Nemu: Well she would have to run out of movies after a while. I mean there's only so many songs she can successfully convert.

Soifon: But there are still too damn many of them.

CQueen: Okay, I think it's time to move onto the next number. This one is from Mulan II, so it's entirely possible a lot of the readers haven't heard this one. Therefore go to YouTube if necessary, or just for the fun of it. It's called "I Wanna Be Like Other Girls".

**head bong and Soifon, Rukia and Yoruichi appear onstage in traditional kimonos**

Soifon:  
the life of a heiress  
from her birth is well defined  
she must humbly serve her country  
play the part she's been assigned  
she guards the hopes of her people  
weak and mighty, rich and poor

Rukia &Soifon:  
who could ever ask for more  
who could ever ask for  
who could ever ask for more

Yoruichi:  
I wanna be like other girls  
Climb up a tree like other girls can  
Just to be free like other girls  
Get to be

Rukia &Yoruichi:  
To slouch when I sit  
To eat a whole cake  
Feel the sun on my feet

Get dirty  
Act silly  
Be anything I want to be  
dance around  
In my underwear

To run really fast  
get rid of this fan  
To eat a whole cake  
Get crazy  
With frosting

No escorts  
No manners  
No nursemaids  
No worries  
No hands folded perfect,  
like holding a lily

Soifon:  
No pinchy shoes?

Rukia, Yoruichi, Soifon:  
I wanna be like other girls  
Scrape up my knee like other girls can  
Just to be free,  
like other girls  
Get to be

To speak for myself  
To sing way off key  
Marry someone I've met,  
who loves me for me

No escorts  
No manners  
No nursemaids  
No worries  
No hands folded perfect,  
like holding a lily

No pinchy shoes

I wanna be like other girls  
Climb up a tree like other girls can  
Just to be free like other girls  
Get to be

CQueen: Now that one pretty good, wouldn't you guys say?

Zaraki: It will be even better when Soifon and Yoruichi use you as a pin cushion.

Yoruichi: But you gotta admit, who doesn't hate pinchy shoes?

**All women have to nod their heads in agreement**

CQueen: Yeah, especially when they're attached to really high, narrow heels. I mean sure they make our legs look fabulous but what they do to our poor, poor feet!

Nemu: My shoes have heels and I don't have any problems with them.

Nanao: You wear them every day, that's why.

Nemu: Ah. But really, even if they got rid of the pinchy shoes they wouldn't have been able to run and climb trees. In that period in Ancient China their feet would have been broken and bound. They would have been lucky to be able to walk, much less physically exert themselves.

Nanao: Not to mention the fact that not even the lower classes girls had much say in who they married. Married and pregnant before they were twelve wasn't odd at all.

CQueen: Makes you glad I'm the one in charge of your love lives, doesn't it, Nanao chan?

Nanao: Not inthe slightest.

Kyoraku: Well at least she hasn't paired any of us up with someone we would never in a million years go out with.

Yachiru: Speak for yourself.

CQueen: And on that happy note let's go to the last and final song of the evening, shall we?

Matsumoto: So who is the final victim of this evening's entertainment?

CQueen: Well there are two in this case, Ran chan.

Yoruichi: Am I one of them?

CQueen: No, you're actually getting a kick out of these now. I'm going to pick on the ones that still hate it a little longer, sorry.

Yachiru: Crap.

CQueen: But not you, Pinky. Maybe later. For the final night's production I give you, from the movie "A Goofy Movie" the often forgotten song "Nobody Else But You". And let's hear it for the father and son team of Ichigo and his daddy!

**head bang and Ichigo and Isshin are onstage, dressed in street clothes and sitting on top of a car roof**

Ichigo  
There are times you drive me, shall we say, bananas  
And your mind is missin', no offence, a screw

Isshin  
None taken

Ichigo  
Still, whatever mess I land in  
Who is always understandin'?  
No body else but you

Isshin  
Oh, your moodiness is now and then, bewilderin'  
And your values may be, so to speak, askew

Ichigo  
Guzoonheit

Isshin  
Thanks

Who deserves a hero's trophy as we face each cat-a-strofee?  
Nobody else but you

Both  
Nobody else but you  
It's just our luck  
We're stuck together

Nobody else but you  
Is crazy enough to believe we'll come through

Ichigo  
So your jokes are all, let's face it, pre-historic

Isshin  
And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo

Both  
But when life becomes distressin'  
Who'll I be S.O.S'in?

Ichigo  
If you're having trouble guessing, here's a clue  
Though he seems intoxicated  
He's just highly animated  
And he's nobody else but

Both  
Nobody else but you  
We've turned into a true-blue duo  
Hard times we've had a few

Isshin  
Like we're thrown in the drink

Ichigo  
Like we're tossed outta town

Both  
But when I start to sink, than I'd rather go down  
With nobody else but Y-O-U!

**head bong and back in seats**

Ishida: Well now there's a song that fits them to a T.

Ichigo: Shut up, Girlie Boy.

Isshin: You think I have a screw loose?

Ichigo: You have way more than one screw loose, Dad.

Isshin: How dare you talk to me like that! If your mother was still with us she'd-!

**CQueen snaps fingers and gag appears over Isshin's mouth**

CQueen: And that's enough outta you, pal.

**curtains close on the fifteenth act**


	16. Sixteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Sixteenth Act

CQueen: So you all might be wondering why I'm picking on you guys so soon after the last time.

Hisagi: We've pretty much given up trying to understand the way you think.

Isane: It was really giving them all headaches. We went through all our Aspirin and Tylenol. A lot of them wanted sleeping drafts too. Apparently you're giving them nightmares.

CQueen: That's nice. Anyways, as I was saying, the reason I'm updating so early is because today is the anniversary of my birth and therefore I wanted you all to celebrate it with me.

Zaraki: So in other words all we have to do is go back in time however many years on this day and kill you then, thus sparing us all your torments. How old are you?

CQueen: I'd say a gentleman never asks a woman her age but nobody in their right or wrong mind would ever mistaken you for one of those.

Matsumoto: That and asking can get you killed.

Nemu: Why?

Matsumoto: Because women under thirty always want to look older than they are and women over thirty always want to look younger than they are. It's a vicious cycle, especially for someone like CQueen who actually physically ages every year.

Aizen: So she's like, over thirty?

CQueen:...

Matsumoto: I think she heard that.

CQueen: I am not that old! Yet. Thank God. Nevermind, my age isn't important. What's important is getting this show started. The first song is taken from Hercules and will be sung by Nanao, Matsumoto and Isane because they were the Muses the last time I did a song from the movie. So here they are once more singing the gospel truth.

**head bang Nanao, Isane and Matsumoto are once again dressed in Ancient Greek clothing**

Nanao, Isane and Matsumoto:

Back when the world was new  
The planet Earth was down on its luck  
And everywhere gigantic brutes  
called Hollows ran amok

It was a nasty place  
There was a mess  
where ever you stepped  
Where chaos reigned and  
ghosts and souls never slept

And then along came Yamamoto  
He hurled his zanpakutō  
He swiped  
Locked those arrancars in a valley  
They're trapped  
And on his own stopped  
chaos in its tracks  
And that's the gospel truth  
The guy was too type A to just relax

And that's the world's first dish  
Yamamoto tamed the globe  
while still in his youth  
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble  
That's the gospel truth

In Soul Society life was neat and  
Smooth as sweet vermouth  
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble  
That's the gospel truth

CQueen: And before you comment, Nemu, yes that was slightly different than what appeared in the film. I think it was the extended version which I put in just because it worked and made it longer.

Nemu: Oh, I see.

Kyoraku: Well, Baldie, at least she stuck you in as the king of the gods, that's something right?

General: If you don't kill her soon I'm transferring Lieutenant Ise out of your division and reassigning her to the thirteenth.

Kyoraku: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CQueen: No worries, Kyoraku, I won't let him do that to you. You two are just too cute to be separated. Besides, I have plans for who will be taking over the lieutenant post in the thirteenth division.

Nanao: Good, those third seats of his would drive me insane.

Ukitake: You learn to love them, really.

CQueen: Right..... Anyways, might as well move on to the next song, since I do have things to do given the importance of today's date.

Nemu: Father, I've hacked into her data files. She's turning twenty five today.

Kurotsuchi: Excellent. As soon as this is over we start laying the groundwork for our trip through time, Nemu.

Aizen: She's only twenty five? I thought she was so much older than that.

Kurotsuchi: She's too poor to have work done.

CQueen: Oh you both are SO going to pay for the looks cracks. You know the next song was supposed to be for Gin and Matsumoto, it was going to be very sweet and ahh inspiring. But now, now you both must suffer my horrible wrath in the worst possible way. Aizen and Kurotsuchi, prepare to be mortified beyond psychiatric help.

Nemu: Uh oh.

CQueen: Ladies and gentlemen, from the second Lion King movie, I give you 'Love Will Find A Way'!

**head bang and Aizen and Kurotsuchi appear onstage dressed as lions**

Aizen:  
In a perfect world  
One we've never known  
We would never need to face the world alone

They can have the world  
We'll create our own  
I may not be brave or strong or smart  
But some where in my secret heart

I know  
Love will find a way  
Any where we go  
I'm home  
If you are there beside me

Like dark turning into day  
Some how we'll come through  
Now that I've found you  
Love will find a way

Kurotsuchi:  
I was so afraid  
Now I realize  
Love is never wrong  
And so it never dies

There's a perfect world  
Shining in your eyes

Kurotsuchi and Aizen:  
And if only they could feel it too  
The happiness I feel with you

They'd know  
Love will find a way  
Any where we go  
we're home  
If we are there together

Like dark turning into day  
Some how we'll come through  
Now that I've found you  
Love will find a way

I know love will find a way

**head bang and the two return to their seats**

Kyoraku: I will never make a crack about a woman's age ever, ever again.

CQueen: See? Who says my fanfics aren't educational.

Matsomoto: Since both the idiots seem shocked dumb by what you just did I'll say what they would be saying if you hadn't just broken their minds beyond possible repair. YOU ARE ONE SICK PERSON TO PUT THOSE SORTS OF MENTAL IMAGES INTO MY SUSCEPTABLE BRAIN!

CQueen: Sorry, I've been writing a lot of guy/guy fics recently. I have yaoi on the brain.

Yoruichi: And they do sort of deserve each other, when you stopped to think about it.

CQueen: And it would be hot if Kurotsuchi was in his true form, you know with the purple hair and golden eyes.

Isane: Please don't put these sorts of thoughts in my mind. My dreams are bad enough as it is.

Hisagi: Can we please, please go back to your regular torture. Save the yaoi treatment for the poor Harry Potter bastards.

CQueen: True, they are much hotter than the other two, who are just too insane to make them worth pairing up. Besides, thinking about the schemes they'd concote together is enough to give ME nightmares.

Aizen: Well then bring on the nightmares because we will work together to bring you down, you-

**gag appears over Aizen's mouth**

CQueen: That will be enough out of you, four eyes.

Nemu: But former Captain Aizen doesn't have four eyes.

CQueen: It's a figure of speech, and I was referring to the old days when he wore glasses anyway.

Kyoraku: So shall we just get on with the last song. End it on a good note maybe to erase nightmarish images from all our minds?

CQueen: I suppose I could do that, out of the goodness of my heart.

Byakuya: We won't hold our breath.

CQueen: God but I feel the love in the air. Anyways, I suppose I shall get on with the last song and then be on my way. For the final song I bring you the first one I have taken from the Disney animated version of Tarzan. And guess what, Carrot Top?

Ichigo: Crap.

CQueen: Oh don't look so sad. Nel is going to be in this one with you, and it really is a beautiful song from Disney. Another one of my favourites.

Ichigo: Not comforting.

CQueen: Well tough luck.

**head bang and Ichigo is on stage holding Nel, wrapped up like an infant**

Ichigo:

Come stop your crying  
It will be all right  
Just take my hand

Hold it tight  
I will protect you  
from all around you  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

For one so small,  
you seem so strong  
My arms will hold you,  
keep you safe and warm  
This bond between us  
Can't be broken  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand  
the way we feel  
They just don't trust  
what they can't explain  
I know we're different but,  
deep inside us  
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them  
'Cause what do they know  
We need each other,  
to have, to hold  
They'll see in time  
I know

When destiny calls you  
You must be strong  
cause I may not be with you  
But you've got to hold on  
They'll see in time  
I know  
We'll show them together cause

you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on,  
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be in my heart, always  
Always

yes I'll be with you.  
cause I'll be there for you always  
always and always  
just look over your shoulder  
just look over your shoulder  
just look over your shoulder  
I'll be there for you always  
always

CQueen: I was going for a heart warming father/daughter vibe there. How'd I do?

Nel: Well it was better than the last one I was in.

Ichigo: I guess I should just be glad you didn't dress me up in a monkey suit while you were at it.

CQueen: I knew I forgot something. Anyways, good night to all and see you again real soon!

**curtain closes**


	17. Seventeenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters get put in. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and have an awesome day!

Seventeenth Act

**curtain rises**

CQueen: I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Zaraki: Damn. Why hasn't someone killed her yet? Seriously, we can't be the only ones who hate her.

CQueen: Because I'm like a cat. I've got nine lives, baby.

Yachiru: Which makes you a pussy, doesn't it?

Hitsugaya: There's a good way to insure a short life. And you're short enough already.

Yachiru: Like you're one to talk, Shortie?

Hitsugaya: Who are you calling shortie? You barely reach my knees.

Matsumoto: Hey guys, remember? Common enemy. Don't let her turn us against each other.

CQueen: You know I hate to tell you guys how to do your jobs but constantly reminding me that you're all out to get me sort of takes away the element of surprise. And don't you all kind of need that if you want to stand a chance against me?

Soifon: Don't flatter yourself.

CQueen: But I like doing that. Anyways, since I know you're all planning to sic the eleventh division on me, I decided to declare this chapter the 'Punish the Eleventh Division Act'. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Zaraki: Oh f##k.

CQueen: Oh f##k is right, Bell head. Because guess what, your division will be the only ones singing today. And all the songs will be about you guys.

Yachiru: Noooooooooooooo!

CQueen: Oh yes.

** does her head bonging thing. All the members of the eleventh division appear onstage dressed up in frontier clothing, Zaraki in the middle wearing a coonskin hat.**

CQueen: And now...."Davey Crokett" from the movie by the same title. Enjoy.

Eleventh Division Seats:

Born on a mountain top in Society,  
Greenest place in the land of the free.  
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,  
Killed him a bear when he was only three.

Zaraki, Captain Zaraki, King of the Wild Frontier.

Fought single handed through the Hollow war,  
Till the Arrancars were whipped and peace was restored.  
And while he was handling this risky chore,  
Made himself a legend, forevermore.

Zaraki, Captain Zaraki, the man who don't know fear.

He went of to Gotei and served a spell  
Fixin' up the government and laws as well.  
Took over Soul Society, I heard tell,  
And patched up the crack in the Liberty Wall.

Zaraki, Captain Zaraki, seein' his duty clear.

When he come home, his politickin' was done,  
While the western troubles had just begun.  
So he packed his gear and his twisted fun  
And let out a grinnin' to follow the sun.

Zaraki, Captain Zaraki, Leading the fight.

**all remain onstage though costumes disappear**

CQueen: Now wasn't that fun?!

Yoruichi: That is now my favourite song ever!

Urahara: God you can be so twisted.

Soifon: Shut up you. It did suit him like Yoruichi san said.

CQueen: Didn't it just? It's one of my new favourites.

Zaraki: I could kick this Davey Crokett's ass.

CQueen: Well that sort of goes without saying, especially seeing as he's been dead a long time now. Died at the Alamo way back when.

Nemu: Though there is a lot of speculation as to how he died.

Kurotsuchi: Again with the useless knowledge. Who cares about the Alamo, whatever it is.

Nemu: Actually the Alamo is considered a very important event in America history. One of their famous lines is "Remember the Alamo". Many important individuals of their folk history were involved in it.

Kurotsuchi: I could care less.

CQueen: Like you genuinely care about anything? Anyways, we have better things to do today than listen to you.

Kyoraku: So what are the eleventh division going to have to do next?

CQueen: So glad you asked. This next song comes from a Disney movie that's also based on the exploits of a folk hero. Of course in this case no one knows for sure if he actually existed, seeing as his legends take place in the Dark Ages in a forest called Sherwood.

**head bong and Ikkaku and Yumichika are dressed in long shorts, leggings, and pointy hats. Behind them is the rest of the division, similarly dressed**

CQueen: Ladies and Sires of the court, I give you a song from "Robin Hood" called "Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally".

The Eleventh Division:

Yumichika and Ikkaku  
Walkin' through the forest  
Laughin' back and forth  
At what the other'ne has to say  
Reminiscin', This-'n'-thattin'  
Havin' such a good time  
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally  
Golly, what a day

Never ever thinkin' there was danger in the water  
They were drinkin', they just guzzled it down  
Never dreamin' that a schemin' Aizen and his posse  
Was a-watchin' them an' gatherin' around

Yumichika and Ikkaku

Runnin' through the forest  
Jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees  
An' tryin' to get away  
Contemplatin' nothin'  
But escape an' fin'lly makin' it  
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally  
Golly, what a day  
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally  
Golly, what a day

Ikkaku: How dare you suggest that we would have run from him!

Yumichika: Run him through is far more likely. And these costumes are absolutely hideous! What WERE the designers thinking?

Nemu: In those days they had a lot more to worry about than how their clothes looked.

CQueen: Not to mention there have been much worse fashion statements in man's history. Like the powdered wig or the hooped skirt. Now those came out of the minds of mad men.

Nanao: Men shouldn't be allowed to design clothes at all. They never take their victims into account. They make us look beautiful and then we pay for it every damn minute we're wearing their latest evil invention.

CQueen: Too true. Especially in the case of high heels. They make my legs look fabulous but reduce my feet to blistered messes.

Renji: Didn't you women rant about heels before? If you don't like them just stop wearing them!

CQueen: Says the evil male spawn.

Yachiru: Can we just get the torture of my squad over with so that we can go back to our plotting of your untimely demise at our happy hands?

CQueen: How terrible of me, keeping you from something you enjoy so much. Of course we can get on to the last song of the day.

Zaraki: Uh oh. I got a bad feeing about this.

CQueen: Don't worry, she's the one that's going to be sorry, not you. I'm done torturing you for the moment. Well sorta done torturing, since what I'm about to dress you guys in would probably be considered torture to you.

**All members of the eleventh division become dressed in elephant costumes, Yachiru a pink one**

CQueen: And now, for our grand finale of the evening, from "Dumbo", I give you a messed up version of "Pink Elephants on Parade".

The Elventh Division:

Look out! Look out!  
Pink Yachirus on parade  
Here they come!  
Hippety hoppety  
They're here and there  
Pink Yachirus everywhere

Look out! Look out!  
They're walking around the bed  
On their head  
Clippety cloppety  
Arrayed in braid  
Pink Yachirus on parade

What'll I do?  
What'll I do?  
What an unusual view

I can stand the sight of worms  
And look at microscopic germs  
But the pink haired lieutenant is really too much for me

I am not the type to faint  
When things are odd or things are quaint  
But seeing things you know that ain't can certainly give you an awful fright

What a sight!  
Chase 'em away! Chase 'em away!  
I'm afraid, need your aid  
Pink Yachirus on parade  
Pink Yachirus...  
Pink Yachirus...  
Pink Yachirus...

Kuchiki: Sweet.

CQueen: Totally! Night all and stay tune for more!

**curtains close once more**


	18. Eighteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the situations and the changed lyrics. Thanks so much for reading and please review if you can!

Eighteenth Act

CQueen: So you guys wanna hear the good news or the bad news?

Renji: Knowing you they're both bad news.

CQueen: You don't want to mess with me right now.

Soifon: Mess with her now. You might push her off the edge, Abari.

Yoruichi: Now there's the way to get on her good side.

CQueen: Actually, I really only have the one side. But I would recommend you all kissing up to me big time. I took a wipe out on concrete this week and I'm feeling it big time.

Zaraki: Wimpy little human.

CQueen: You want a repeat of the last act, Mr. Sea Urchin Head? Seriously. We can't all be masochistic morons like you.

Yachiru: And lucky for your planet we're not all whiny little girls like you.

CQueen: Oh please, I have shoes that are almost bigger than you, midget dwarf.

Yachiru: Bite me!

CQueen: I'm in enough pain without adding rabies to my problems. And besides, we have some songs to sing. Or should I say songs for YOU guys to sing in retribution for not feeling sorry for me. In fact, the first will be a group number taken from "Dumbo" called "The Song of The Roustabouts".

**head bang and all the Gotei 13 are onstage, some dressed up as circus animals**

All:

Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight!  
We work all day, we work all night  
We never learned to read or write  
We're happy-hearted Gotei guys

Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight!  
When other folks have gone to bed  
We slave until we're almost dead  
We're happy-hearted Gotei guys

Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight! Ugh! Fight!  
We don't know when we get our pay  
And when we do, we throw our pay away  
(When we get our pay, we throw our money all away)  
We get our pay when children say  
With happy hearts, "There are no hollows today"  
(Then we get our pay, just watching kids on play days)

Muscles achin'  
Back near breaking  
Eggs and bacon what we need (Yes, sir!)  
Boss man houndin'  
Keep on poundin'  
For your bed and feed  
There ain't no let up  
Must get set up  
Pull that weapon! Drive that stake!  
Want to doze off  
Get them clothes off  
But must keep awake  
Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave!  
Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave! Hep! Heave!  
Hep! Heave! Hep!

Swing that sword! Sing that song!  
Work and fight the whole night long  
You happy-hearted Gotei guys!  
Pullin', poundin', tryin', groundin'  
Big top roundin' into shape  
Keep on working!  
Stop that shirking!  
Grab that soul, you hairy ape!  
Poundin'! poundin'! poundin'! poundin'!  
Oh...

**head bang and everyone's back in their seats**

CQueen: I'd actually forgotten about that one until I did some internet searching. Dumbo was never one of my favourite Disney movies. Probably because of that Pink Elephants on Parade scene from the last act. I'd forgotten how freaky it was until I looked it up.

Hitsugaya: You would get freaked out by the thought of pink elephants.

CQueen: Hey, don't scoff until you've seen it for yourself. I was only a kid when I saw it after all.

Matsumoto: But seriously, how bad could it be? I mean these people obviously intended for it to be seen by kids, right?

Nemu: Actually, it wouldn't be the first time disturbing or adult content made its way into a Disney animated picture. It's said that many of the animators got their silent revenge against Walt Disney by slipping things into the pictures that weren't appropriate. If you watch a certain scene in "The Rescuers", for instance, there's a poster of a naked girl on an apartment wall.

Kyoraku: Really? That's messed up.

Nemu: And as for inappropriate music, in the movie "Aladdin" they changed the lyrics for the opening song because censors thought children shouldn't hear about someone getting their ear cut off.

CQueen: Which I thought was stupid as a kid, but that could have just been me.

Yachiru: You were probably pretty stupid back then.

CQueen: If you weren't a lieutenant for the eleventh division someone would have definitely killed you by now. Someone needs to find some thread and sew your big mouth shut.

Yoruichi: She'd just slice through them though. You need to think of something more permanent than that.

Yachiru: Hey, don't give her ideas!

Yoruichi: Well sorry for not appreciating how you're making her more mad and bitchy than she already is.

Nanao: Perhaps we should just move onto the next song? Get it over with?

CQueen: All right, I suppose. The next song is one from "Peter Pan" and isn't nearly as good as most of my other ones. I figured I should at least do one song from it though, so here's hoping you don't find it too bad. It's "You Can Fly".

**head bang and Urahara appear onstage dressed as Peter, Yoruichi as Tinkerbell, Ichigo as Michael, Ishida as John and Orihime as Wendy.**

Urahura:

Think of the presents you've brought  
Any merry little thought  
Think of dead Aizen, think of snow  
Think of slaying hollows

Here we go!  
Like a shinigami in the sky

You can fight! You can fight!  
You can fight! You can fight!

Soon you'll fight all around the room  
All it takes is sword and thrust  
But the thing that's a positive must  
Is a little bit of aura boost  
The boost is a positive must

You can fight! You can fight!  
You can fight! You can fight!

When there's a fight in your heart  
There's no better time to start  
It's a very simple plan  
You can do what the baddies can  
At least it's worth a try

You can fight! You can fight!  
You can fight! You can fight!

CQueen: Short, sweet, and far from my best. But oh well, at least now no one can say I ignored one of the classics.

Yoruichi: And at least no one but Urahara had to sing. You look very interesting in green tights by the way.

Urahara: You look pretty cute with wings too. But let's not ever do "Peter Pan" again, okay? Straight guys should not wear tights, EVER.

CQueen: Actually, ironically enough, I had a reviewer who thought I should do some love songs between guys for the hell of it.

Ichigo: Someone find out who that reviewer was and add her to our hit list.

CQueen: Actually, Walt Disney, were he still alive, would probably cheer you on. He had a habit of dropping actors whose career or life choices were unacceptable to him. It's rumored that he dropped Hayley Mills, the lead actress in "Pollyanna" and "The Parent Trap", because she appeared in a theatre production in "inappropriate" clothing. And if you look up the DVD covers for the movies "Old Yeller" and "Swiss Family Robertson" you'll see that the actor who played the lead in the former and the character Ernest in the second is not present. He was blacklisted by Disney after it came out that he was gay and they cut him out of the advertising.

Ukitake: That's terrible.

CQueen: Yeah, I can't decide which is worse, that they did those things, or that they introduced Brittany Spears to the world.

Ishida: That's their fault? No wonder you're so messed up, exposed to their brainwashing.

CQueen: Some would argue you have a point there. Though to be fair, Ryan Gosling came out of the Mickey Mouse Club okay. Someone really should do a documentary though, on what happened to all the former Mouseketeers. I'm betting he was in the minority.

Orihime: And it's really not nice to pick on that poor girl either. I mean it's obvious a lot of bad things have happened to her.

CQueen: I'll save my pity for her kids if it's all the same to you. Anyways, you all ready to hear what the final song of the evening is?

Ichigo: Do we have a choice?

CQueen: Hey, this one is even shorter than the last one so button it. It's taken from "The Rescuers" and it's called "Faith Is A Bluebird".

**head bong and Hinamori appears in a school girl uniform and pigtails, Kira dressed as a cat**

Kira:  
You gotta believe it  
Keep the faith, sweetheart  
Do you see that bluebird?

Hinamori:  
Yes, I do

Kira:  
Well...  
Faith is a bluebird  
You see from afar  
It's for real  
And as sure as the first evening star

You can't touch it  
Or buy it or wrap it up tight  
But it's there just the same  
Making things turn out right

Hinamori:  
Can't touch it or buy it  
Or wrap it up tight  
But it's there just the same  
Making things turn out right

CQueen: Okay, admittedly I changed nothing about the lyrics for that one. But just hearing it made me think of Hinamori. That and I'd challenge anyone to think of how to Gotei that song.

Hinamori: Well it was a nice song, I suppose. **bright red**

CQueen: I agree. Now that's all for now, catch you all later.

**curtain closes**


	19. Nineteenth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the dialogue and the terrible things I do to the original lyrics which are owned by Disney. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think!

Nineteenth Act

CQueen: Dear God, can you guys believe we're at the nineteenth chapter of this? It really drives home just how many movies Disney has made, since I've got this many songs to work with that can actually be converted.

Ichigo: Just so you know, if this goes past twenty five acts, we're all committing mass suicide.

CQueen: Aren't you all sort dead already? I mean aside from Carrot Top and his friends.

General: We'll find a way.

CQueen: Well go ahead if it will make you feel better.

Soifon: She accepted that way too easily.

Yoruichi: Yup, and she likes torturing us way too much to just let us go.

CQueen: Well there is the small fact that I can just bring you back to life. I'm doing that to two characters in my latest fanfic for Harry Potter.

Toshiro: The mind boggles that people actually let you infect people with your work. Don't they realize the damage exposure to you causes? We're all stupider for knowing you.

CQueen: Surprisingly that's not the first time I've heard that. You should just be glad my little sister got all the drawing skills and I got all the writing ones. She's almost as messed in the head as I am. Lucky you, she doesn't like drawing you guys much.

Yachiru: Yay for us. *heavy sarcasm*

CQueen: But since she loves me maybe I should change that to show you how much I love you, Yachiru. How you like them apples?

Omaeda: This is never going to end, is it?

CQueen: Well it has to eventually. Disney doesn't do old school animation like they used to. Musicales are out unless they're annoying as hell to anyone with a brain.

Nemu: As long as they provide toys for McDonalds Happy Meals there's no way to escape them.

CQueen: Too true. Anyway, we might as well get on to the first song in today's performance. This one was actually suggested by a reviewer, superkim111, which just goes to show you people I really do read what you guys say. The song is taken from the ride/movie "Pirates of the Caribbean" and it will feature the Espadas as requested!

**head bang and Espadas onstage dressed as pirates**

Espadas:

Yo ho, yo ho, a espada's life for me.  
We pillage, plunder, we rifle and loot.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a espada's life for me.  
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a espada's life for me.  
We kindle and char and in flame and ignite.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
We burn up Soul City, we're really a fright.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals and arrancars, we're villains and knaves.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs.  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads,  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
Aye, but we're loved by our Aizen and Hollows,  
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
Yo ho, yo ho, a espada's life for me

**head bang and they're back in their seats**

CQueen: It was about time I tortured you guys some more. It's really lucky for you bad boys and girls that I'm too lazy to keep up with what you guys are up to in the manga and anime nowadays. Otherwise I'd probably be using you guys a lot more.

Grimmjow: Small consolation.

CQueen: Whatever. Anyways, you guys should take heart, it is almost Christmas after all. That means I'll be too busy with other stuff to torture you real good.

Kyoraku: Yeah, that IS sort of like a Christmas present.

Nanao: And then right after Christmas is New Years, a time to celebrate another year gone by with us under her thumb.

Kyoraku: Now that's just depressing, Nanao chan.

Nanao: Obviously.

CQueen: Would you feel better, Nanao chan, if I told you that you won't be appearing in any of the songs today? Come to think of it...I haven't picked on you at all lately. What the hell do you have to complain about?

Nanao: Your existence.

Kyoraku: Uh oh....

CQueen: Yeah, I can see how that would be a bitch. Seeing as I so often am one. And don't look so worried, Kyoraku, I like her honesty. She doesn't annoy me nearly as much as some other lieutenants I could mention.

Yachiru: You want my honest opinion of you?

CQueen: Couldn't care less. The second song is from a movie I haven't done yet, I don't think. It was a favourite of my brother's as I recall. It's from Disney's "Jungle Book", but the title of the song is "Colonel Hathi's March". The good General will be leading this one.

**The General and all captains appear onstage dressed as elephants**

General:

Hup two three four

Keep it up two three four

Hup two three four

Keep it up two three four

Gotei sound off!

Ho, the aim of our patrol

Is a question rather droll

For to march and drill

Over field and hill

Is a shinigami goal!

Is a shinigami goal!

Hup two three four

Dress it up two three four

Hup two three four

Dress it up two three four

By the ranks or single file

Over every sandy mile

Oh we stamp and crush

Through the underbrush

In a military style!

In a military style!

Hup two three four

Keep it up two three four

**everyone returned to seats**

CQueen: I was looking at Disney lyrics, stumbled across this, and knew it was made for you, General.

General: Your death at my hands cannot come soon enough.

Ukitake: Disney really likes elephants, huh? We've been turned into those a lot lately.

CQueen: Actually, Disney's really all about a mouse. THE Mouse. But yeah, elephants show up in a few of the films too.

Bayakuya: THE Mouse?

Nemu: Yes, Kuchiki san. The main figurehead of Disney is Mickey Mouse, a loveable, kind, and humble mouse who goes on many great adventures. He has been a part of Disney Studios since it began.

Orihime: And Mickey is such a cute name.

CQueen: Yeah, and there's a lot of speculation as to how Walt Disney settled on it. One rumour is that the mouse was named after Mickey Rooney, who was a child actor at that time and very popular. Of course Mickey Rooney has the tendency to brag and talk big too. Read his self biography and you'll see what I mean.

Nemu: I liked him very much in "The Black Stallion" television series.

CQueen: Me too. I can still sing the opening intro, which is scary. Not only because I haven't seen the series in a decade but because I can't sing period.

Ishida: So you make us sing instead.

CQueen: Pretty much. So you guys ready to hear the final song before we bid adieu to our audience and go off to celebrate our Christmas apart?

Renji: I'll say we are.

CQueen: Yeah, let's sing it now.

**blank looks all around**

CQueen: From the Chipmunk's Christmas Song, you ignoramuses. Never mind. The final song for this evening is taken from "The Fox and The Hound", another movie I've neglected to bring in till now. The song is called "Elimination, Lack of Education".

**head bang and Yoruichi is dressed as an owl, Chad and Ishida as birds, and Ichigo as a fox**

Yoruichi

You listen good to I, because it's either education or elimination!

Now, if you're so foxy and old Kuchiki is so dumb  
Then why does that captain get the hollows on the run?  
'Cause he's got the sword -  
and the sword's got the power  
Ka-blam, elimination!  
Lack of education!

If you prowl around with that Kuchiki girl  
You're soon gonna be hanging on the wall  
Keep you nose to the wind -  
if you wanna keep your skin  
'Cause you won't be home -  
when the shinigami comes to call

Ichigo

Oh, Yoruichi, I know Renji would never track me down.  
Well, Renji, he's my best friend.

Yoruichi

Ho ho, your best friend!  
Now, Renji's gonna do what he's been told.  
Suppose he won't chase no human in no hiddie hole?  
Along comes his captain with a power shot load.

Ishida:

Ka-ka-blam!

Yoruichi

Elimination

Chad:

Lack of education!

Yoruichi

You better believe it, Ichigo!

**head bang and all are back in their seats**

CQueen: You know, come to think of it, maybe that wasn't the best song to end this with.

Yoruichi: You think?

Orihime: But you have to admit, Kurosaki san made a very cute fox.

**all female heads nod in agreement**

Ichigo: ...**red**

CQueen: And sorry, Chad, I know you only got one line. I'm working on finding a song just for you.

Chad:...

CQueen: Anyways, that's all for now. So from all of us, to all of you,

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	20. Twentieth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the changed lyrics and words put in characters' mouths. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Twentieth Act

CQueen: Hello, Everyone! How's it going?

Nanao: That's a rhetorical question, right?

CQueen: How I've missed you, Nanao chan. One can only shake their heads over the fact that I might rather deal with Harry Potter characters than you.

Ichimaru: Well it is puzzling, CQueen chan. They must miss you something awful when you're with us.

Matsumoto: Yeah, go back to tortur-using your unquestionably amazing writing skills for their benefit.

Hitsugaya: I second that.

CQueen: And who would blame you? I would rather be torturing them too, truth be told. But I do have like thirty open fics at the moment and I can't just concentrate on my Harry Potter fics all the time.

Kyoraku: Why not? We wouldn't mind.

Ukitake: Indeed.

CQueen: Well too bad, so sad. You're stuck with me for another chapter so just suck it up. The next three songs are all from the same movie, a reviewer put the idea into my head.

Yachiru: Isn't that cheating just a little?

CQueen: It probably is a little but I figure me cheating every once in a while can't hurt. Especially when I have Harry Potter fanfics to get back to. Besides, it's not like they aren't all Disney songs. Ironically enough, you all would probably get a kick out of this movie.

Kurotsuchi: I wouldn't hold your breath on that. Or since it's you, feel free to do so.

CQueen: Feeling the love here. Anyways, all the songs for today are from Disney's "The Nightmare Before Christmas" which was directed by Tim Burton.

Nemu: Oohhhh, I like his movies very much.

CQueen: Me too. Especially ones with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter.

Matsumoto: Did you say Johnny Depp? Total hottie alert!

CQueen: Indeed. So for the first song we have Ichigo as Jack, the Pumpkin King in "What's This?"

**bops head and Ichigo appears on the stage dressed in in a tux with his Hollow mask on**

Ichigo:

What's this? What's this?  
There's fighting everywhere  
What's this?  
There's aura things in the air  
What's this?  
I can't believe my eyes  
I must be dreaming  
Wake up, Ichigo, this isn't fair  
What's this?

What's this? What's this?  
There's something very wrong  
What's this?  
There are people swinging swords

What's this?  
The streets are lined with  
Little soldiers laughing  
Everybody seems so happy  
Have I possibly gone daffy?  
What is this?  
What's this?

There are children throwing auraballs  
at each other's heads  
They're busy building strength  
And absolutely everyone's dead

There's frost on every window  
Oh, I can't believe my eyes  
And in my bones I feel the warmth  
That's coming from inside

Oh, look  
What's this?  
They're hanging a captain, she cries  
Why that looks so unique, inspired  
They're gathering around to hear a story  
Roasting Ichimaru over a fire  
What's this?  
What's this?

Oh look, in here, they've got a little girl, how queer  
And who would ever think  
And why?

They'd make someone so tiny a lieutenant  
They've got black butterflies on call  
And there's a smile on everyone  
So, now, correct me if I'm wrong  
This looks like fun  
This looks like fun  
Oh, could it be I got my wish?  
What's this?

Oh my, what now?  
The shinigami are asleep  
But look, there's nothing underneath  
No ghouls, no hollows here to scream and scare them  
Or ensnare them, only little cozy things  
Secure inside their dreamland  
What's this?

The Hollows are all missing  
And the nightmares can't be found  
And in their place there seems to be  
Good feeling all around

Instead of screams, I swear  
I can hear music in the air  
The smell of sake and pies  
Is absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds  
They're everywhere and all around  
I've never felt so strong before  
This empty place inside of me is filling up  
I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it  
Oh, I want it for my own  
I've got to know  
I've got to know  
What is this place that I have found?  
What is this?  
Soul Society, hmm...

**head bop and Ichigo is back in his seat**

Yoruichi: The Hollow mask was a nice touch.

Zaraki: So long as it's not us she can torture the Carrot Top all she wants.

Ichigo: I'll remember that the next time you need me to save your ass, Zaraki.

Zaraki: You do that.

CQueen: Well before you guys break out into fighting what's say we remind you both that I'm in charge and that pissing me off isn't a good idea? And that aside Zaraki isn't being tortured today and you're done too, Ichigo. There, are you both happy now?

Zaraki: We won't be happy until you're dead.

Kurotsuchi: Well said for someone so dim.

CQueen: Given the life spans on either side of my family I figure I've got at least another twenty. That or the day I finally finish paying off my student loans. That would be terribly poetic irony.

Byakuya: Especially considering how you're wasting your education.

CQueen: Since I paid for it I can do whatever I want with it, thank you very much.

Hitsugaya: Well at least her years of higher education improved her spelling and grammar. Some of her old fics are real headache inducers.

CQueen: Thank you so much for that. Anyways, on to the second song I think. This one is known as "Sally's Song" and will be sung by Hitsugaya's dear friend Hinamori.

**head bong and Hinamori is onstage dressed up and looking like a well mended rag doll**

Hinamori:

I sense there's something in the wind  
That feels like tragedy's at hand  
And though I'd like to stand by him  
Can't shake this feeling that I have  
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?  
And will he see how much he means to me?  
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear captain?  
Where will his actions lead us then?  
Although I'd like to join the crowd  
In their enthusiastic cloud  
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?  
No, I think not, it's never to become  
For I am not the one

**head bop and Hinamori is back in her seat**

CQueen: As soon as I looked up the song I thought of you.

Hinamori: It is very pretty...and true.

Hitsugaya: And you aren't going to make her sing anything else, right?

CQueen: That would be correct, though not because you're giving me your 'I'm a Bad Ass' look. The last song is going to some other poor sods.

Nemu: By the way, will you be including some songs from the newest Disney animated movie? I really enjoyed, "The Princess and The Frog".

CQueen: I might eventually. And yeah, it was surprisingly really great. The whole side love story between Ray and Evangeline really had me tearing up. The whole movie could have been about then and I would have probably watched it.

Nemu: Yes, it was very romantic.

Kurotsuchi: You start talking like a girl and I'm turning you into scrap metal.

CQueen: You are such a sour puss, you know that?

Kurotsuchi: Which means I'm being tortured next, doesn't it?

CQueen: Actually no, though I'm very tempted at the moment. I'll have to try to remember that both you and Chad need some screen time soon. The final song is a group number, and the song is called "The Oogie Boogie Song".

**head bong and Orihime is on stage dressed in her Arrancar clothes while surrounded by Aizen, Tosen and Ichimaru, also wearing their Arrancar uniforms**

Aizen:  
Well, well, well, what have we here?  
Ichigo's girl, huh?  
Oh, I'm really scared  
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha

You're jokin', you're jokin'  
I can't believe my eyes  
You're jokin' me, you gotta be  
This can't be the right girl  
She's weird, she's ugly  
I don't know which is worse  
I might just split a seam now  
If I don't die laughing first

When Mr. Captain Aizen says  
There's trouble close at hand  
You'd better pay attention now  
'Cause I'm the Arrancar Man  
And if you aren't shakin'  
Then there's something very wrong  
'Cause this may be the last time now  
That you hear the boogie song, ohhh

Tosen:  
Ohhh

Aizen:  
Ohhh

Ichimaru:  
Ohhh

Aizen:  
Ohhh

Ichimaru:  
Ohhh, he's the Arrancar Man

Aizen:  
Well if I'm feelin' antsy  
And there's nothin' much to do  
I might just cook a special batch  
Of shinigami and hollow stew  
And don't ya know the one thing  
That would make it work so nice?  
A red-orange goody girl to add a little spice

Tosen:  
Ohhh

Aizen:  
Oh, yeah

All Arrancars:  
Ohhh

Aizen:  
Ohhh

All Arrancars:  
Ohhh

Aizen and all his henchmen:  
Oh, yeah, I'm (he's) the Arrancar Man

Orihime  
Release me now  
Or you must face the dire consequences  
My friends are expecting me  
So please, come to your senses

Aizen:  
You're jokin', you're jokin'  
I can't believe my ears  
Would someone shut this girlie up  
I'm drownin' in my tears  
It's funny, I'm laughing  
You really are too much  
And now, with your permission  
I'm going to do my stuff

Orihime  
What are you going to do?

Aizen:  
I'm gonna do the best I can

(Musical interlude)

Oh, the sound of rollin' dice  
To me is music in the air  
'Cause I'm a gamblin' Arrancar Man  
Although I don't play fair

It's much more fun, I must confess  
When lives are on the line  
Not mine, of course, but yours, little girl  
Now that'd be just fine

Orihime  
Release me fast or you will have to  
Answer for this heinous act

Aizen:  
Oh, brother, you're something  
You put me in a spin  
You aren't comprehending  
The position that you're in  
It's hopeless, you're finished  
You haven't got a prayer  
'Cause I'm Mr. Captain Aizen  
And you ain't going nowhere

**everyone returns to their seats**

Hinamori: My captain's become a cannibal? **faints**

Kira: Momo san!

Hitsugaya: You're going to pay for that.

Orihime: He wasn't really going to turn me into stew, was he? I mean doesn't he know people who eat human flesh get very ill?

Ichigo: That's not really what you should be concerned about, Inoue san.

CQueen: Well, as my Johnny once said so eloquently in "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory", and I'm paraphrasing here, 'Everything in this room is edible, even you. But that's called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most cultures.'

Thanks for reading, catch ya laterz!


	21. Twenty First Act

Disclaimer: As always I only own the situation and the changed lyrics. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoy this and don't report me to Disney lol. Have a great day, please let me know what you think!

Note: In the Tenth Act in the final song it appears the really long word has been deleted. If possibly could some of you check out to see if it was just my comp, or if for some reason the word has disappeared. Thanks

Happy Valentines Day!

Twenty First Act

CQueen: Hello, everyone. Have a nice vacation from me?

Hitsugaya: It certainly didn't last long enough.

CQueen: Ah come on, you know that deep, deep, down, you all love me. I make your lives interesting.

Matsumoto: Interesting is not the word I would use. More like miserable. Tormented. Twisted. Horrifying.

CQueen: I got the picture.

Ichigo: So who are you doing all those things to today?

CQueen: Actually, in this case only three people are singing today, two by constant request.

Nanao: Constant request?

CQueen: Yup, apparently there are some real Chad and Karin fans out there. Usually I leave those two alone, fanfic wise, but these fans are rather insistent. Plus, I didn't figure it would hurt to let them take center stage every once in a while.

Karin: You'd think if they liked us they'd want to spare us your insanity.

CQueen: Yeah, you'd think that, but apparently no.

Ichigo: You start picking on my little sisters AND friends and you'll really be in for it.

CQueen: I'm shivering in my pajama bottoms. Anyways, the first song is from 'The Little Mermaid' and is called 'Kiss The Girl'. This one will be performed by poor Chad, who will be playing Sebastian. But don't worry, Big Guy, you'll have company.

**head bonk and Chad appears onstage in a red crab suit. Ichigo and Orihime are sitting on a boat and Ishida is dressed as a seagull**

Chad:

Percussion, strings, winds, words

There you see her  
Sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say  
But there's something about her

And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
Possible she wants you to  
There is one way to ask her

It don't take a word  
Not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl

[Sing with me now]

Sha la la la la la, my oh my  
Look like the boy too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, ain't that sad  
Ain't it a shame, too bad  
He gonna miss the girl

Now's your moment  
Flying over a sandy dune  
Boy, you'd better do it soon  
No time will be better

She don't say a word  
And she won't say a word  
Until you kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, don't be scared  
You got the mood prepared  
Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, don't stop now  
Don't try to hide it  
How you wanna kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, fly along  
And listen to the song  
The song say kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, the music play  
Do what the music say  
You gotta kiss the girl

You've gotta kiss the girl  
You wanna kiss the girl  
You've gotta kiss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl

**scene ends with Ichigo and Orihime falling into the water**

CQueen: And so that song ends with a splash.

Ichigo: Why do you keep pushing her and me together, huh?

CQueen: Because you're denser than Omaeda's waist.

Orihime: It...it was a very pretty song.

Nemu: One of Disney's best known. That movie spawned a sequel and prequel I believe, though neither obtained the success and recognition of the original.

Kyoraku: That's so often the case.

Yachiru: Yeah, like Jaws. The first was the best, the second was pretty decent, but the two after that? You don't even want to get me started.

Nemu: Did you enjoy the novel the original movie was based on, Lieutenant?

Yachiru: It was based on a book?

CQueen: Yeah, a really awful one. It's one of the few times I've ever been able to adamantly say that the movie was a million times better than its literary version. The two hardly resemble each other at all, which is a seriously good thing.

Yachiru: Then good thing I didn't read it first.

Byakuya: Can you even read?

Yachiru: Of course I can read! What do you think I am a....ooh but I hate you.

CQueen: You can't really hate someone that gorgeous unless you're a guy competing with him. Not that there would be much competition.

Yachiru: We're not all controlled by our hormones the way you are, you know.

CQueen: More the pity for you.

Yoruichi: I'll second that.

CQueen: I knew you would. But since we don't have time to list all of Yachiru's faults, I wouldn't live long enough to finish the list, we might as well get on to the next song which will be sung by Ichigo's little baby sister.

Karin: Drop dead, already.

Hitsugaya: Karin...

Karin: I'm not afraid of her. If the worst she can do is put me in some stupid animal costume than I say bring it on. I can take it.

CQueen: Now you're really making me regret the fact that this song doesn't require said animal suit. And if it weren't for the brilliance of my twisted lyrics I would now set you up with the most horrible, most cutesy Disney song I could find.

Nemu: Like what?

CQueen: I don't know, but I'm going to give serious thought to finding out. But for now, the next song is from 'The Jungle Book' and features Karin singing the song, 'My Own Home'.

**head bong and Karin appears onstage with Hitsugaya and Matsumoto watching off to the side, Matsumoto dressed up as a bear. Karin and Hitsugaya are dressed in Indian garbs**

Karin:

My own home, my own home

My own home, my own home

Father's working in the clinic

Yuzu's cooking in the home

I must go to fetch the groceries

'Til the day that I'm grown

'Til I'm grown, 'til I'm grown

I must go to fetch the groceries

'Til the day that I'm grown

Then I will have a handsome husband

And a daughter of my own

And I'll send her to fetch the groceries

I won't be cooking in the home

Then I'll send her to fetch the groceries

I won't be cooking in the home

**head bong and everyone is back in their seats**

Matsumoto: I protest being dressed up as a bear when I've been good.

CQueen: As good as you ever are, you mean.

Hitsugaya: Just be glad you weren't turned into an elephant, like we were for that other Jungle Book song.

Yoruichi: Well I think the touch of having her not doing the cooking when she's older was brilliant. She'd probably burn the house down.

Karin: Hey, I can too cook. If I wanted to. Yuzu just does it because she's weird enough to like doing it.

Yuzu: Yes, I'm sure when I teach her to cook she'll be very apt at it.

Ichigo: Oh dear lord...I'm moving out for the duration of those lessons.

Yuzu: But we'll need you to taste test the food for us.

Ichigo: Exactly.

Ishida: Don't be such a baby. I'm sure it won't be that bad. Or at least no worse than Ino- then some other people's cooking I could mention.

Orihime: I'll help you teach her if you like, Yuzu chan.

Ishida: Uh oh.

Ichigo: If we ever needed proof that CQueen was evil, we now have it.

CQueen: I resent that. And Karin's cooking can't be much worse than mine and I'm still alive.

Renji: Yeah, and look how you turned out.

CQueen: You dissing the food I grew up on? You DISSING my MAMA!?

Renji: No ma'am.

Rukia: I think we should get to the last song. I really, really want to hear who's doing the last song and what it is. I'm sure it's brilliant.

CQueen: Trying to save his worthless life, huh? Well lucky him, I was going for a romantic theme with today's songs, since its Valentines Day and all. If it wasn't, there are at least two people who would be seriously suffering right about now.

Nemu: What's the last song, CQueen san?

CQueen: The last song is from 'The Princess and The Frog', and it's about one of my all time favourite Disney couples, so to speak. Ray and his Evangeline. The title is 'Ma Belle Evangeline' and here is Kyoraku to sing his version of it.

**Kyoraku appears onstage dressed as a firefly**

Kyoraku

Look how she lights up the sky  
Ma belle Nanao chan  
So far above me yet I  
Know her heart belongs to only me

J'adore, J'taime, Nanao chan  
You're my queen of the night  
So still, so bright

To someone as beautiful as she  
Who loves someone like me  
Love always finds a way, it's true  
And I love you Nanao chan

(spoken)  
Oooh, yeah!

(sung)  
Love is beautiful  
Love is beautiful  
Love is everything, do you agree?  
Mais oui!

Look how she lights up the sky  
I love you, Nanao chan

**Kyoraku returns to his seat**

CQueen: Now was that a good final song choice or what?

Kyoraku: I loved it. It was your best ever. Don't you think it was her best ever, Nanao chan?

**Nanao too busy blushing to answer**

Kyoraku: Wow, my Nanao chan is actually speechless. This almost never happens.

CQueen: Girls like being spoken to in foreign languages, FYI.

Isane: Ain't it the truth. And it is a pretty romantic song. It makes me want to see the movie.

CQueen: Well in that case, in the spirit of the holiday, I shall make my final act of this evening to let you see it.

**head bang and a movie screen appears in front of them, pop and popcorn appearing in front of all**

CQueen: You all enjoy, and I'll see you in the next act!


	22. Twenty Second Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think.

Twenty-Second Act

CQueen: Well have you all enjoyed your little break from me?

Hitsugaya: So much so that we think you should go away again. Like now.

CQueen: I feel so loved. As always. But you guys should feel lucky, I'm in a really, pretty good mood. And given who I was working with today that's saying something.

Matsumoto: Well I guess that's something, huh, Captain?

Hitsugaya: Not really, no.

CQueen: Do you all want to know why I hate the guy?

Byakuya: Not really. If he makes you miserable that's all we need to know.

CQueen: You'd kill him after less than eight hours with him. He had no respect for his superiors, steals tips, and constantly screws up. I'd rather be chained to Omaeda than this guy.

Yachiru: Wow. This guy must be a pretty big asshole. I like him already.

CQueen: You would. Maybe I should try to find a way to chain you two together. I'd pay to see that.

Yachiru: I'd win.

CQueen: No question. Hence the fact that I'd want to see it. I actually got up at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning because I heard he was going to get arrested at our store. Ruined my whole weekend when the cops didn't show up.

Hinamori: The police?

CQueen: Yeah. He was arrested a month ago for assault, theft and mischief. I'm really, really hoping he ends up behind bars after his court date. Anyways, enough about me, time to think about you guys. Bet you're all waiting eagerly waiting to see what I have in store for you.

Renji: Not really.

CQueen: Well you're finding out anyway. The first song is from "The Princess and The Frog" and is called "When We're Human". Our singers will be three lovely Arrancars.

**head bong and Yammy is dressed as an alligator and Grimmjow and Halibel are dressed as frogs**

Yammy:  
(Trumpet solo)  
If I were a human being  
I'd head straight for New Orleans  
And I'd swing this sword so hot and strong  
Like no one they've ever seen

You've heard of Ichigo Kurosaki,  
Mr. Byakuya Kuchiki?  
All those boys gonna step aside  
When they see this old ex-arrancar fight, Listen...  
(Trumpet solo)

When I'm human  
As I hope to be  
I'm gonna swing this sword  
'Til the cows come home  
And everyone's gonna bow down to me

Grimmjow:  
When I'm myself again  
I want just the life I had  
A great big party every night  
That doesn't sound too bad

A redhead on my left arm  
A brunette on my right  
A blonde or two to hold the candles  
Now that seems just about right  
Eh, Yammy?

Life is short  
When you're done, you're done  
We're on this earth  
To have some fun  
And that's the way things are

When I'm human  
And I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna tear it up like I did before  
And that's the royal guarantee

Halibel:  
Your modesty becomes you  
And your sense of responsibility  
I've worked hard for everything I've got  
And that's the way it's supposed to be

When I'm a human being  
At least I'll act like one  
If you do your best each and every day  
Good things are sure to come your way

What you give is what you get  
My daddy said that  
And I'll never forget  
And I commend it to you

Yammy, Grimmjow, and Halibel:  
When we're human  
And we're gonna be

Yammy:  
I'm gonna swing my sword  
(Trumpet solo)

Grimmjow:  
I'm gonna live the high life

Halibel:  
I'm gonna do my best  
To take my place in the sun

Yammy, Grimmjow, and Halibel:  
When we're human

**head bong and everyone is back in their seats**

CQueen: I just bought "The Princess and The Frog" in case you couldn't figure that out. I'm not a big jazz person but I got to say the tunes are catchy.

Isane: Very cute. Maybe you could let us watch that again instead of torturing us? I mean entertaining us.

Hisagi: No, I think you had it right the first time.

Karin: I second that.

Yachiru: Well at least she was tormenting the enemy for once.

CQueen: I thought it was time. I have been picking on you guys mostly lately.

Hitsugaya: Does that mean you're just going to pick on them this time around?

CQueen: Nope, sorry. Though you're in the clear, Cutie. The only ones to suffer today will be the people still among the living. I'm particularly proud of this next song. Pure genius.

Karin: Uh oh.

Yuzu: This is not going to end well.

Ichigo: I knew I should have just let the Arrancars kill me. Why oh why do I insist on continuing to live, knowing I'll have to deal with you.

CQueen: Well ouch, definitely not feeling the love from you. But I'll deal with you later.

Ichigo: So who's suffering before me?

CQueen: That would be your lovely Orihime, Carrot Top. She will be singing a song from "James and The Giant Peach". Haven't done one from there, so I figured it was past due. The song is called "Eating the Peach".

**head bong and Orihime appears onstage dressed as a bug**

Orihime:

I've eaten many strange and scrumptious dishes in my time  
Like jellied bugs and curried slugs and earwigs cooked in lime  
And spice with rice is very nice  
When they're roasted in their prime  
But don't forget to sprinkle them with just a pinch of grime

I'm crazy 'bout mosquitoes on a piece of buttered toast  
And pickled spines of porcupines  
And then a great big roast  
And dragon's flesh, quite old, not fresh  
It costs a buck at most  
It comes to you in barrels if you order it by post  
(It comes to you in barrels if you order it by post)

For dinner on my birthday shall I tell you what I chose?  
Hot noodles made of poodles on a slice of garden hose  
And a rather smelly jelly  
Made of armadillo's toes  
The jelly is delicious, but you have to hold your nose

Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach  
Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach

I crave the tasty tentacles of octopi for tea  
I like hot dogs, but I love hot frogs  
And surely you'll agree  
A plate of soil with engine oil's a super recipe  
(Recipe)  
I hardly need to mention that it's practically free

Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach  
Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach  
We hardly need to mention that it's practically free

Now comes, my fellow travelers, the burden of my speech  
These foods are rare beyond compare  
And some right out of reach  
But there's no doubt I'd go without  
A million plates of each  
For one small mite  
(One small mite)  
One tiny bite  
(Tiny bite)  
Of this fantastic peach!

Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach  
Peach, peach, peach, peach, peach, peach  
This fantastic peach!

**head bang and Orihime appears back in her seat**

CQueen: Now you all gotta admit that was pretty sweet. Definitely one of my all time best. Suits her, no?

Zaraki: That suits her?

Ishida: Well..............

**Everyone who's ever eaten Orihime's cooking sharing a look of total understanding**

CQueen: Well I for one think you made a lovely bug, Orihime.

Orihime: Uhm...thank you? I'll definitely have to try some of those combinations.

Ichigo: Oh hell no.

Nemu: I would highly recommend that you avoid all those combinations except for the peaches, Inoue san. You will most definitely suffer internal damage if you attempt to eat porcupine quills or soil mixed with engine oil.

Nanao: I think I'm going to be sick.

CQueen: Yeah, me too, now that I think about some of those combos. And here I was trying to make things less disgusting.

General: Well at least that's something.

Kyoraku: Just breathe through your nose, Nanao chan.

Nanao: Respectfully, Sir, shut up.

CQueen: Yeah, or I'll make you eat some of those things and watch you hurl.

Ukitake: Now that's torture. You're really into torture, aren't you, CQueen?

CQueen: Not really, though it does seem like that, doesn't it?

Yoruichi: It does indeed.

CQueen: Maybe I need to go see a therapist. Not that it would do much good. I think I'm pretty much beyond help at this point.

Yoruichi: I would also agree with that.

CQueen: Then I guess I better wrap things up and give you all a reprisal from my torturous ways. The final song will be taken from "The Jungle Book" called "We Are Friends". Hope you all enjoy and feel free to sing along if you know it, my friends!

**head bang and Ichigo, Chad and Ishida appear onstage dressed up as vultures **

Ichigo, Chad and Ishida:

We're your friends

We're your friends

We're your friends to the bitter end

When you're alone

Who comes around

To pluck you up

When you are down

And when you're outside, looking in

Who's there to open the door?

That's what friends are for!

Who's always eager to extend

A friendly fight?

That's what friends are for!

And when you're lost in dire need

Who's at your side at lightning speed?

We're friends of every shinigami

Comin' down the pike

In fact we never met a shinigami

We didn't like, didn't like

So you can see

We're friends in need

And friends in need

Are friends indeed

We'll keep you safe

In the city forevermore

That's what friends are for!

**return to seats**

Orihime: Awww, I really liked that one.

Ishida: Well at least that's the last one for today. Here's hoping she goes on another Harry Potter writing spree.

CQueen: They would definitely not thank you for saying that. In fact, they would probably all turn you into interesting things with tentacle. But I think I'll let you guys off the hook for now. Anyone have any final words to add.

ALL: NO!

CQueen: Then that's all, folks!

**curtains close on the twenty-second act**


	23. Twenty Third Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the changed lyrics and words put in characters' mouths. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Twenty Third Act

CQueen: Hi there, everyone. Can you believe we're on the twenty third act? How have I not run out of songs yet?

Nemu: Actually, given the number of songs produced by Disney-

Yachiru: Say one more word and I'm taking you down, Braid Girl.

Ukitake: Don't you threaten her. It's CQueen you're mad at, not Nemu chan.

Matsumoto: Not to mention CQueen's obviously Disney obsessed, it's not like she doesn't know how many songs there are apparently. She's just toying with us. Get a clue.

Hitsugaya: The twit isn't observant enough to have realized that about our tormentor yet.

CQueen: Now, now, she can't help it. Look at the size of her head after all. Her brain can't be bigger than a Chihuahua's.

Kyoraku: Ohhhhhh.

Ukitake: Ouch.

Yachiru: What's a Chihuahua?

Yoruichi: I'll introduce you to one the next time you come to Earth. You'll have a lot in common with it. Loads in fact.

CQueen: My Dad hates them. And he's a dog lover.

Yachiru: It's a dog? You're comparing me to a dog? It better be a big, bad ass dog. If it isn't I'm taking a bite out of you, Bitch.

CQueen: I'll update my rabies shots.

Nemu: I don't think she has rabies, CQueen san. She isn't frothing at the mouth or acting outside her normal behavioural patterns. Not that her normal behaviour isn't reminiscent of those displayed by animals infected with the disease but-

CQueen: I forget how sarcasm goes over your head so readily.

Nemu: I apologize for not recognizing the sarcasm.

CQueen: It's okay, my fault, Nemu chan. Anyway, on to the first song I think, before blood is shed. The first song is from 'The Princess and the Frog', and yes I know I've used this movie a lot recently. I'll run out of songs from it soon. The song is "Friends on The Other Side".

**bops head and Tosen appears onstage dressed as the Voodoo man, Rukia and Ichigo in suits**

Tosen:  
Don't you disrespect me little man!  
Don't you derogate or deride!  
You're in my world now  
Not your world  
And I got friends on the other side!

Arrancars:  
He's got friends on the other side...

Tosen:  
That's an echo, gentlemen. Just a little something we have here in Soul Society, a little parlour trick. Don't worry...

Sit down at my table  
Put your minds at ease  
If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please  
I can read your future  
I can change it 'round some, too  
I'll look deep into your heart and soul  
(you do have a soul, don't you, Ichigo?)  
Make your wildest dreams come true!

I got voodoo  
I got hoodoo  
I got things I ain't even tried!  
And I got friends on the other side.

Arrancars:  
He's got friends on the other side!

Tosen:  
The cards, the cards, the cards will tell  
The past, the present, and the future as well  
The cards, the cards, just take three  
Take a little trip into your future with me!

Now you, young lady, are from across the sea  
You come from a line of royalty  
(I'm a royal myself on my mother's side)  
Your lifestyle's high  
But your mood is low  
You need to marry a handsome honey whose daddy got dough

Captain Kuchiki cut you off, huh little girl?  
Now y'all gotta get hitched, but hitchin' ties you down.  
You just wanna be free.  
Hop from place to place.

But freedom... takes green!  
It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need  
And when I looked into your future  
It's the green that I see!

On you little human, I don't want to waste much time  
You been pushed around all your life  
You been pushed around by your mother and your sisters and your father.  
And if you was married...  
You'd be pushed around by your wife  
But in your future, the you I see  
Is exactly the man you always wanted to be!

Shake my hand.  
Come on boys.  
Won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?

Yes...  
Are you ready?

Arrancars:  
Are you ready?

Tosen:  
Are you ready?  
Transformation central!

Arrancars:  
Transformation central!

Tosen:  
Reformation central!

Arrancars:  
Reformation central!

Tosen:  
Transmogrification central!  
Can you feel it?  
You're changin'  
You're changin'  
You're changin', all right!  
I hope you're satisfied  
But if you ain't  
Don't blame me  
You can blame my friends on the other side!

Arrancars:  
You got what you wanted!  
But you lost what you had!

Hush...

**head bop and all three are back in their seats**

Yoruichi: Not bad, not bad. Would have been better with me in it though.

Zaraki: You actually like these song things, don't you? Are you completely out of your little mind?

Yoruichi: Like you're one to talk? You wear bells in your friggin hair.

Zaraki: You want to get into it, Cat Girl?

CQueen: Are you two going to get into a fight? Because if you are I've got fifty that says Yoruichi wipes the floor with him.

Yachiru: I'll take that bet!

Nanao: Do you even have fifty dollars?

Yachiru: What are dollars?

Byakuya: It's the currency used in her country. In the United States as well.

CQueen: And our money is worth the same as theirs right now.

Hitsugaya: Yay for you. Can we get on with the next song please? Some of us are anxious to get this all over with.

CQueen: Well if you insist...the next song is from 'The Lion King' and has been requested quite a bit. And not surprisingly, it's always the same two characters they want singing it too. Ukitake and Kyoraku, you're up boys.

**head bong and Kyoraku is dressed as a merekat, Ukitake as a wart hog, and Nanao as a lion club appears onstage**

Kyoraku:  
Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase

Ukitake:  
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

Kyoraku:  
It means no worries for the rest of your days  
It's our problem-free philosophy  
Hakuna Matata!

Nanao:  
Hakuna Matata?

Ukitake:  
Yeah. It's our motto!

Nanao:  
What's a motto?

Kyoraku:  
Nothing. What's a-motto with you?

Ukitake:  
Those two words will solve all your problems

Kyoraku:  
That's right. Take Ukitake here  
Why, when he was a young shinigami...

Ukitake:  
When I was a young shinigami

Kyoraku:  
Very nice

Ukitake:  
Thanks

Kyoraku:  
He found his condition lacked a certain appeal  
He could clear the table before every meal

Ukitake:  
I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned  
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind

Ukitake:  
And oh, the shame

Kyoraku:

He was ashamed

Ukitake:  
Thought of changin' my name

Kyoraku:

What's in a name?

Ukitake:

And I got downhearted

Kyoraku:

How did ya feel?

Ukitake:  
Everytime that I...

Kyoraku:  
Hey! Ukitake! Not in front of the kids!

Ukitake:  
Oh. Sorry

Ukitake and Kyoraku:  
Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase  
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

Nanao:  
It means no worries for the rest of your days

Ukitake and Kyoraku:  
It's our problem-free philosophy  
Hakuna Matata!  
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!  
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!  
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!  
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna--

Nanao:  
It means no worries for the rest of your days

Ukitake and Kyoraku:  
It's our problem-free philosophy  
Hakuna Matata!  
It's our problem-free philosophy  
Hakuna Matata!

Ukitake:  
I say "Hakuna"

Ukitake and Kyoraku:  
I say "Matata"

**head bop and all of them are back in their seats**

CQueen: Apparently everyone thought that song was made for you guys. The title is 'Hakuna Matata', in case you somehow couldn't figure that out.

Nanao: I would most certainly not encourage them to adapt that as their motto.

CQueen: I know, but it seemed so long since I'd used you and you sort of are part of their little group. The three Musketeers, so to speak.

Kyoraku: We should always be together, Nanao chan. It's our destiny!

Nanao: Fate wouldn't be so cruel. I've done nothing to deserve that.

CQueen: Well ouch. But don't worry, Kyoraku, you always get her in the end of all of my Bleach fanfics. You two are the one staple pairing really, at least in my mind.

Kyoraku: That's true. I just wish she wouldn't try so hard to stay away from me. If I had any ego left it would be terribly battered.

Ukitake: Lucky then, that she had that completely destroyed within days of being appointed your lieutenant. It was painful to watch really. But at least now all her insults go over his head, that's something, right?

CQueen: If you say so.

Kurotsuchi: Kyoraku would have to have a brain to understand Ise's insults. Now can you lot quit talking to her so that she'll get to her last song and leave?

CQueen: I should really torture you some, but unfortunately no song comes immediately to mind that suits you that I haven't stuck you with already. So I'm going to have to give that more thought for the next act. For now, the third and final song will be taken from 'Pinocchio' and is called 'An Actor's Life For Me'. This one's for Ishida, so come on down, cutie.

**head bong and Ishida is onstage dressed in his Quincy uniform**

Ishida:

Hi-diddle-dee-dee

A Quincy's life for me

A long sleek bow and a silver suit

A watch of gold with a diamond chain

Hi-diddle-dee-day

A Quincy's life is gay

It's great to be a celebrity

A Quincy's life for me

Hi-diddle-dee-dum

A Quincy's life is fun

Hi-diddle-dee-dee

A Quincy's life for me

A keen intellect and a nifty coat

A fun time getting Ichigo's goat

Hi-diddle-dee-dum

A Quincy's life is fun

You wear your hair in a pompadour

You run around in a team totalling four

You stop and buy out a candy store

A Quincy's life for me!

Hi diddle dee dee

A Quincy's life for me

A long sleek bow and a silver suit

A watch of gold and a diamond chain

Hi diddle dee dee

You sleep till after two

You promenade a big aura

You tour the world in a private car

You dine on chicken and caviar

A Quincy's life for me

**Ishida returns to his seat**

Ishida: At this moment I almost wish the damn Soul Society had been successful when they tried to wipe out my people.

Orihime: Oh don't say that, Ishida san. It wasn't that bad, really!

Hitsugaya: She has done a lot worse after all. At least you weren't in an animal costume.

Ichigo: The spikey haired pain is right. Don't go getting all depressed, we need you at your best to help us plan her downfall.

CQueen: I'm right here, you know. Why you must constantly plan my untimely end is beyond me, but I suppose if it makes you happy...

Ishida: Deliriously happy, actually.

**CQueen rolls eyes**

CQueen: Whatever. Anyways, that's all for now, catch you all next time!

**Act ends**


	24. TwentyForth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think.

Twenty-Forth Act

CQueen: Well, I'm back. Your many varied and creative attempts to kill me have thus far failed horribly. How does that make you guys feel, honestly?

Kyoraku: Do you really want them to answer that?

Nanao: She does have a death wish.

Zaraki: We will succeed in killing you. It's just a matter of time. One of our plans will work, you can bet your life on it.

Matsumoto: Wouldn't her life literally depend on it?

Zaraki: Quiet you.

CQueen: Hey, that's no way to talk to a woman. You know this is why you don't have a girlfriend, don't you?

Yachiru: Oh like you're one to talk. We've been stalking you plenty and we haven't run into a boyfriend of yours yet.

CQueen: Hey, if more men looked like Kuchiki I might give the dating pool more attention. But unfortunately guys that look like him don't date girls that look like me. Not until I make millions of dollars anyway. Then maybe...

Renji: Not even then.

CQueen: Oh like you're such a ladies man.

Hitsugaya: She has a point there.

CQueen: I always have a point. And the point of this whole thing is to make you poor, miserable bastards sing songs you don't want to sing for the entertainment of people who are as crazy as I am. Okay scratch that, almost as crazy as crazy as me.

Hitsugaya: That scares me more than I can say.

CQueen: Good to know. Anyway, I think its time to get on to the first song. Apparently we have someone here who thinks Kon should be tortured as well. So here we have, from "The Jungle Book", a song everyone knows from that movie. "I Want to Be Like You."

**head bang and Ken is onstage with Ichigo**

Kon:

Now I'm the king of the swingers

Oh, the society VIP

I've reached the top and had to stop

And that's what botherin' me

I wanna be a man, Ichigo

And stroll right into town

And be just like the other men

I'm tired of monkeyin' around!

Oh, oobee doo

I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you

Talk like you, too

You'll see it's true

A soul like me

Can learn to be human too

Ichigo:

Gee, annoying Kon

You're doin' real good

Kon:

Now here's your part of the deal, cuz

Lay the secret on me of man's real life

Ichigo:

But I don't know how to do that

Kon:

Now don't try to kid me, Ichigo

I made a deal with you

What I desire is man's real life

To make my dream come true

Give me the secret, Ichigo

Clue me what to do

Give me the power of man's real life

So I can be like you

You!

I wanna be like you

I wanna talk like you

Walk like you, too

You'll see it's true

Someone like me

Can learn to be

Like someone like me

Can learn to be

Like someone like you

Can learn to be

Like someone like me!

**both return to their seats**

Kon: Why weren't there any hot looking girls in my act? If I had to sing there should have at least been some hot looking girls.

Renji: You never change, do you?

Kon: You're just jealous because I get to see more boobs than you.

Rukia: Someone shut him up before he's killed.

Byakuya: And why precisely would that be a bad thing?

CQueen: He's got a point.

Renji: You just agree with everything he says because you think he's hot.

CQueen: He is hot. Incredibly so.

Matsumoto: No kidding.

Rukia: Can we not talk about my brother like that, please!

Aizen: I second that. It's making me nauseous.

Yoruichi: In that case lets keep discussing how hot Byakuya is. We can talk about every one one of his features until we're all too sick to say another word.

Ichigo: This could be a whole other kind of torture.

Nemu: We women do seem to come up with the best ways to torture men. Do you suppose its an trait that's intrinsically female? Someone should really do a study. Perhaps I will if my father will allow it.

Kurotsuchi: You definitely do not have my permission to waste your time that way.

CQueen: Big surprise there, you never let that girl have any fun. You're the biggest party popper in the history of Soul Society. Even Aizen is more fun that you. And speaking of another person who doesn't party, it's time to get on to our second song. Yes, it's from "The Princess and The Frog", but I promise I won't do any more from that movie for several acts to come. It was just one of those cases where it worked for me and I'll forget it if I don't use it. This one's called "I'm Almost There." And it's going to be sang by the lovely Yuzu.

**Yuzu appears onstage in her apron**

Yuzu:

Daddy... I don't have time for dancing!  
That's just gonna have to wait a while  
Ain't got time for messing around  
And it's not my style  
This whole town can slow you down  
People taking the easy way  
But I know exactly where I'm going  
And getting closer, closer, every day

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there  
People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care  
Tribes and tribulations have had my share  
There ain't nothing gonna stop me now cause I'm almost there

I remember Mommy told me : "Fairytales can come true  
You gotta make 'em happen, it all depends on you"  
So I work real hard each and every day  
Now things for sure are going my way  
Just doing what I do  
Look out boys I'm coming through

And I'm almost there, I'm almost there  
People gonna come here from everywhere  
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there

There's been tribes and tribulations  
You know I've had my share  
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river  
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there  
I'm almost there!

**head bang and Ichigo's sister is back in her seat**

CQueen: Now you all have to admit that that song suits her.

Ichigo: Okay, maybe, but you still better leave her alone from now on or I'll make you suffer before they kill you dead.

Yoruichi: You know, she might lose interest in making you all sing if you stopped letting her know how much it gets to you.

Rukia: Or we could do what one of the reviewers suggested and make her sing instead.

CQueen: You all really want to make me sing? Because I will sing, that's not a problem. I know most of the main Disney songs by heart, having watched them over and over again as a kid. My dad can testify to that fact. I think he often blames that habit as to why I still watch and love cartoons and animation so much. He thinks Disney warped my mind.

Nanao: I can believe that.

General: I think the idea of making her sing has merit. What's the worst song she'd made anyone sing so far?

**everyone pipes in with songs they've been stuck with**

Nanao: Wait...this could be a trap. If it were really torture for her than why would she be willing to let us do it? She willingly admits that Disney's warped her mind to the point where she's lost all sense of right and wrong.

CQueen: Well I wouldn't say I'm that bad, Nanao chan.

Nanao: I would.

Kyoraku: Nanao chan, we've talked about this inciting her to lash out at you.

Yachiru: I think we should try, just in case.

CQueen: Well if you insist....

**begins to sing "The Circle of Life"**

**everyone covers their ears and groans**

CQueen: Did I forget to mention that I'm tone deaf?

Yoruichi: Yup, you did.

CQueen: Opps. My bad. It's really unfortunate actually, because I've got the best fingers among my siblings. Both of my siblings play musical instruments but they don't have the long fingers that I do. But I can't really play anything worth a damn.

Yachiru: Are they as evil and twisted as you?

CQueen: Well if you'd asked me that about ten years ago I would have probably said my brother is but we're actually getting along at the moment. Probably because we haven't lived in the same house for over five years. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that crap. My sister's twisted, but she's not evil. Usually.

Byakuya: That's comforting.

CQueen: Anyway, why don't we get on to the last song. That sounds like a good idea to me. Ironically this song is from a movie that I found incredibly scary as a kid, even though it was supposed to be a comedy. Anyways, the movie is "Hocus Pocus" and the song is "I Put A Spell On You."

**head bang and Unohana, Isane, and Hana appear onstage dressed as witches and wizard**

Unohana:

I put a spell on you  
And now you're mine  
You can't stop the things I do  
I ain't lyin'

It's been three hundred years  
Right down to the day  
Now the witch is back  
And there's hell to pay

I put a spell on you  
And now you're mine!

Hello, Society!  
My name's Unohana!  
What's yours?

I put a spell on you  
And now you're gone

Isane and Hana:  
Gone gone gone, so long!

Unohana:  
My whammy fell on you  
And it was strong

Isane and Hana:  
So strong, so strong, so strong!

Unohana:  
Your wretched little lives  
Have all been cursed  
'Cause of all the witches working  
I'm the worst

I put a spell on you  
And now you're mine

Isane and Hana:  
Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!

Unohana:  
If you don't believe  
You better get superstitious  
Ask my seats

Isane and Hana:  
Ooh, she's vicious!

Unohana:  
I put a spell on you...  
I put a spell on you...  
Seats!

Ah-say-into-pie  
Oppa-maybe-uppen-die  
Ah-say-into-pie  
Oppa-maybe-uppen-die  
In-kama-koray-ah-ma  
In-kama-koray-ah-ma  
Hey, hey, high, high  
Say bye-bye!  
Bye bye.

**head bang and they're back in their seats**

Isane: Well that wasn't so bad.

CQueen: It's actually a pretty good movie, once I got older. But I can still remember sleeping in my parents' room after the first time I saw it because I kept hearing Sarah Jessica Parker's character singing for all the children to come and have their live forces sucked out. Huh. I wonder if that's why I've never liked her in any movie she's been in.

Isshin: Have you ever considered therapy?

Ichigo: She's beyond help, Dad.

CQueen: He's probably right. But as Edgar Allen Poe once said, "I became insane with long intervals or horrible sanity".

Nemu: Quothe the raven, never more.

**curtains close on the twenty forth act**


	25. Twenty Fifth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Twenty Fifth Act

CQueen: Dear God, we've reached twenty five. I should probably stop writing these, considering that means I've made you guys sing seventy five songs. Can you believe there are that many with more to choose from?

Nemu: Well considering that Disney has been around for almost a hundred years, not really. Especially given how many films they produce every year.

Isane: Now that is really depressing. A real, living nightmare.

CQueen: Actually, no. Well unless you're someone being worked to death in one of their theme parks. Or...well let's not get into all that. I'm a Disney kid and I prefer to live with my illusions about its wonderfulness.

Zaraki: Given how many stories you have going at one time I have to say, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds, don't you?

CQueen: Have you looked at the world lately? Who wouldn't rather live with their heads in the clouds? I'm probably a lot happier than a lot of people. I'm very thankfully the world waited until the generation after me to start discouraging using one's imagination.

Byakuya: But do you have to use it this way?

CQueen: Get me a man that looks like you and I'd be glad to center my imagination elsewhere.

Matsumoto: Who wouldn't want to aim their imagination in that direction?

Gin: Now, Ran chan...

Matsumoto Oh don't you Ran chan me, Gin. Not unless you want me to get down on my hands and knees and beg CQueen to make you sing in every act.

Gin: I gotta say, I think CQueen's evilness is wearing off on you. It's actually kinda hot now that I think about it.

CQueen: Seeing as she hung around you for a few centuries I'd say your evilness probably got there before mine did. And before you start giving your excuses, Gin, I want to announce the first song. The middle song is pretty darn long and so there's gonna be less dialogue this time around. Anyway, the first song is from Jungle Book and is called "Trust In Me".

**head bang and Gin appears onstage**

Gin:

Trust in me, just in Gin  
Shut your eyes and trust in me  
You can sleep safe and sound  
Knowing I am around

Slip into silent slumber  
Sail on a silver mist  
Slowly and surely your senses  
Will cease to resist

Trust in me, just in Gin  
Shut your eyes and trust in me

CQueen: Well that's the first one, not too bad over all. Not one of my best though. Which reminds me, I've been getting a lot of reviews asking me why I haven't included any of the Vizards in these little sing alongs of ours.

**all vizards wince**

Nanao: So now you're going to torture them too?

CQueen: Actually no, I'm not going to. Luckily for them I don't regularly receive Shonen Jump anymore and therefore I am extremely behind in the series. I know next to nothing about them or the Arrancars for that matter. Hence the fact that I don't use the former and very little of the latter. So as much as the readers would like me to torture the Vizards it just isn't going to happen.

General: So they just get off scot free?

CQueen: Hey, they've been through enough thanks to you not realizing what an evil assehole Aizen was. You leave them alone.

Nel: So does that mean that the less you know about our characters the better we'll fare over all?

CQueen: That about sums it up. The songs won't fit the people involved well enough if I don't know anything about them.

Ukitake: That does make sense. I'd imagine the success of the songs has a lot to do with assigning the right song to the right person.

CQueen: It does indeed. That why some of the best Disney songs will never be used, simply because it wouldn't work for any of you to sing them.

Nemu: Will you be doing "The Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"? That's one of my all time favourites.

CQueen: It's one of my favourites too. My mother sang it at my grandfather's, her father's, funeral. Elton John might not know a hell of a lot about fashion, but when it comes to music the man has it going on.

Nemu: I like his song "Candle In The Wind" too. Both versions.

Kyoraku: He has more than one version of the same song?

CQueen: He does. The original version was about Marilyn Monroe, a famous American actress. Personally I've only seen her in one movie, "Some Like It Hot", and she annoyed the hell out of me. The song, on the other hand, is pretty damn great. The second version of the song is about Princess Diana, Elton John altered the previous lyrics to be sung at the princess's funeral.

Nemu: Marilyn Monroe did tend to play the dumb blonde a little too well.

CQueen: The only good thing about that movie was the scenes without her and featuring Jack Lemmon. Now he was friggin great in that movie. And I can't being to tell you how much I loved the way that movie ended. Well other than the fact that Monroe's character didn't drown.

Kyoraku: Ouch.

CQueen: Anyway, time to get to the second song, I think. And heads up, this song is taken from "High School Musicale 2". I just find this song really catchy and funny, and I thought it would be very amusing to cast Kuchiki and Zaraki in the two lead parts. The song is called "I Don't Dance" and I trust all you ladies in the audience will provide Kuchiki with the necessary backup. So without further adieu, here they are for your entertainment!

**head bang and Zaraki and Byakuya appear onstage**

(Zaraki) I've got to just do my thing.

(Byakuya)Hey, captain, captain, hey captain, captain swing.  
I'll show you that it's one and the same,  
Fighting, dancing, same game.  
It's easy  
Step up to the line, start swinging.

(Zaraki) I wanna fight all, now, and that's all.  
This is what I do.  
It ain't no dance that you can show me.

(Girls) You'll never know if you never try.

(Zaraki)There's just one little thing that stops me ev'ry time YEAH.

(Byakuya) Come on!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya and Girls) I know you can.

(Zaraki) Not a chance.

(Byakuya and Girls) If I could do this, well, you could do that.

(Zaraki) But I don't dance.

(Byakuya) Hit him out of the park!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya) I say you can.

(Zaraki) There's not a chance.

(Byakuya) Slice him, you score, swingin on the dance floor.

(Zaraki) I don't dance, no.

(Byakuya)Hey, captain, captain, hey captain, captain swing.

(Zaraki) I've got to just do my thing.

(Byakuya)Hey, captain, captain, hey captain, captain swing.

(Byakuya) Two-steppin, now you're up to bat.  
Guns loaded, do your dance.  
It's easy  
Take your best shot, just hit it.

(Zaraki) I've got what it takes, playing my game, so you better spin that blow you're gonna throw me, YEAH.  
I'II show you how I swing.

(Girls) You'll never know if you never try.

(Zaraki)There's just one little thing that stops me every time. YEAH.

(Byakuya)Come on!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya and Girls) I know you can.

(Zaraki) Not a chance.

(Byakuya and Girls) If I could do this, well, you could do that.

(Zaraki) But I don' dance.

(Byakuya) Hit him out of the park!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya) I say you can.

(Zaraki) There's not a chance.

(Byakuya) Slice him, you score, swingin on the dance floor.

(Zaraki) I don't dance, no.

(Byakuya) Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance.  
Swing it out, spin around, do the dance.

(Zaraki) I wanna fight all, not dance hall.  
I'm making a triple, not a curtain call.

(Byakuya) I can prove it to you till you know it's true, cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the arena too.

(Zaraki) You're talkin a lot; show me what you got. STOP.

(ALL!) Swing!

(Byakuya) HEY  
Come on, swing it like this.  
Oh, swing!

(Zaraki) Ooh

(Byakuya) Jitterbug...just like that.  
That's what I mean, that's how you swing.

(Zaraki) You make a good pitch but I don't believe.

(Byakuya) I say you can.

(Zaraki) I know I can't.

(Byakuya and Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya) You can do it.

(Zaraki) I don't dance, no.

(Byakuya) Nothing to it. Atta boy, atta boy. YEAH.

(Zaraki) Hey, captain, captain, hey captain, captain what?

(Byakuya) One, two, three, four, everybody swing!

(Byakuya and Zaraki) COME ON!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya)I know you can.

(Zaraki) Not a chance.

(Byakuya and Girls) It I could do this, well, you could do that.

(Zaraki) But I don't dance.

(Byakuya) Hit him out of the park!

(Zaraki) I don't dance.

(Byakuya) I say you can.

(Zaraki) There's not a chance.

(Byakuya) Slice him, you score, swingin on the dance floor.

(Zaraki) I don't dance, no.

**head bang and the two return to their seats**

CQueen: Now you gotta admit that having those two singing that song was a stroke of genius. And I do so love having those.

Matsomoto: Careful, your ego is showing, BIG TIME.

CQueen: There's nothing wrong with having an ego...and I save most of it for you guys. It's hard to have much of an ego when you're working a minimum wage job.

Yoruichi: Then why don't you get the hell out of there and do something else?

CQueen: If I could I would. And you do realize that if I had the means I would spend all my time writing instead of just my spare time.

Isane: That would not be a good thing.

Hisagi: Now there's an understatement.

CQueen: Though to be fair, I would actually, in that case, maybe try to write some more original stuff that had nothing to do with fanfiction. I probably wouldn't do nearly as well though, unfortunately. That and I don't have the attention span to stick with one story for a long period of time.

Aizen: Ever think that that might be because you don't have the intelligence to think about anything for long?

CQueen: I'm getting a university diploma very soon that would beg to differ, Aizen.

Nemu: He certainly doesn't have a university diploma.

CQueen: Do you guys even really have school?

Kyoraku: Can we not discuss school? I can't begin to tell you how much I dislike the institutions. Except those that let their girls wear really short skirts. Those deserve medals for service to the community.

CQueen: You like living on the edge, don't you?

Byakuya: Actually, he'd just not smart enough to know he's on it.

Kyoraku: Gee, thanks, Kuchiki. I feel so loved.

Nanao: And I don't appreciate you disrespecting my captain. Only I'm allowed to do that.

CQueen: I can just feel how much you all love each other. And in keeping with that, the last song for the evening is somewhat romantic. I was informed by a reviewer that I had been neglecting the classic, "Cinderella". So here we have the first from that film, the song "A Dream Is A Wish". It will be sung by Ichigo's little sister.

Ichigo: What? Which one?

CQueen: The one who fits the song.

**head bang and Yuzu is onstage, dressed in pyjamas**

Yuzu:

A dream is a wish your heart makes  
When you're fast asleep  
In dreams you will lose your heartaches  
Whatever you wish for, you keep  
Have faith in your dreams and someday  
Your rainbow will come smiling through  
No matter how your heart is grieving  
If you keep on believing  
The dream that you wish will come true

... the dreams that you wish will come true

No matter how your heart is grieving  
If you keep on believing  
The dream that you wish will come true

CQueen: I didn't change that song at all, but it seemed fine the way it was. It's a lovely melody anyway.

Yuzu: I liked it. It was actually very pretty.

Ichigo: Don't go encouraging her, little sister. Lord only knows what she'll stick you with next time.

CQueen: Now I feel loved. And that's all for today, have a nice night, everyone!

**curtain closes**


	26. Twenty Sixth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the twisting of the Disney lyrics and BLEACH characters. Thanks for continuing to read, I hope you like this latest set of songs!

Twenty-Sixth Act

CQueen: Hi there, everyone, have you all been missing me horribly, pining away from lack of attention? Wishing desperately that I would abandon my Harry Potter fics so that we could spend some quality time together?

Hitsugaya: Please tell me you're being sarcastic.

CQueen: Well of course I'm being sarcastic. I'm not an idiot.

Renji: That would be open to some debate.

CQueen: Do you really want to get into an argument with me about which of us is smarter? Because you'll lose, Tattoo Boy. They didn't give me a university diploma this month for shits and giggles. I earned that, Bonehead.

Ichigo: She probably went to Rocky and Bullwinkle's Watsumatta U.

CQueen: Don't push me, boyo. It would not end well for you.

Rukia: They're both very sorry, CQueen, you have my word on that.

Ichigo: Speak for yourself.

CQueen: Well as it is I've got the three songs for today already planned out, so your smart mouths won't get you into trouble unless one of you really, really pisses me off.

Rukia: So which of us are being used for your stupid reviewers' entertainment today?

CQueen: If I told you that it wouldn't be a surprise. And we had a talk about you dissing my reviewers, don't make me lecture you lot again. Or punish you again either. There are plenty of embarrassing songs I've kindly not exposed you to. That could change.

Byakuya: There are worse? How much worse?

CQueen: You really, really don't want to know. And now, for the first song, we have Kon singing a little tune from 'Treasure Planet' called 'I'm Still Here'. It's my first time using a song from this movie and this is the only one from it I probably can use. So enjoy.

**head bong and Kon appears onstage dressed in pirate clothes**

Kon:  
I am a question to the world  
Not an answer to be heard  
Or a moment  
That's held in your arms

And what do you think you'd ever say?  
I won't listen anyway  
You don't know me  
And I'll never be what I want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand?  
I'm a toy, no, I'm a man  
You can't take me  
And throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?  
Yeah, you stand here on your own  
They don't know me  
Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real  
Wanna touch breasts I wanna feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the girl want me to change?  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They don't know me  
Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see  
All you wanted I could be  
Now you know me  
And I'm not afraid

And I want to tell you who I am  
Can you help me be a man?  
They can't break me  
As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be  
Cause I'm not what they see  
Yeah, the world is still sleepin while I keep on dreaming for me  
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe

And I want a moment to be real  
Wanna touch breasts I wanna feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the world want me to change?  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They don't know me  
Cause I'm not here

I'm the one now  
Cause I'm still here  
I'm the one  
Cause I'm still here  
I'm still here  
I'm still here  
I'm still here

**head bong and Kon's back in his seat**

CQueen: Okay, so you gotta admit, that was funny.

Matsumoto: Only because he can't bury his face in the valley between your breasts.

CQueen: I'll give you that. Of course if he did that to me I'd just smother the little bastard between them.

Kon: You're just mad cause yours aren't as big as hers.

Kyoraku: Dude, never insult a woman's breast size. You'll end up being torn to shreds at a daycare center before you can blink. It would be that preview of Toy Story 3 all over again.

CQueen: And just how would you know anything about Toy Story 3?

Matsumoto: We asked Nemu to show us a bunch of Disney movies so we'd know what to expect. One of them had previews for Toy Story 3. I felt really sorry for those toys, let me tell you.

CQueen: Wait till you see the movie, you'll feel even worse.

Gin: Did they ruin the franchise for ya?

CQueen: No, it was really good, but I did tear up a little at the ending. You'll understand when you see it. And if you weren't good to your toys, I guarantee you'll leave the theatre feeling terrible about yourself.

Yachiru: And did you feel terrible?

CQueen: Sort of. I still have the most important toy from my childhood though and I honestly would go back into a burning building to rescue it. Me and Toto go back to before I can remember. I totally freaked the one time I lost him.

Ichigo: Toto?

CQueen: My Teddy. I named him after the dog from "The Wizard of Oz". Don't ask me why I named a teddy bear after a dog, I couldn't tell you. Anyways, he's seen better days owing to decades of hugs.

Matsumoto: Awww.

CQueen: But enough about him, it's time to move on to the next song! This one will be a duet between father and daughter, one that I think suits well enough. So here is Karin and her daddy singing a song from 'The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride' called 'We Are One'.

**head bong and Karin and Isshin are onstage dressed in lion costumes**

Isshin:  
As you go through life you'll see  
There is so much that we  
Don't understand

And the only thing we know  
Is things don't always go  
The way we planned

But you'll see every day  
That we'll never turn away  
When it seems all your dreams come undone

We will stand by your side  
Filled with hope and filled with pride  
We are more than we are  
We are one

Karin:  
If there's so much I must be  
Can I still just be me  
The way I am?

Can I trust in my own heart  
Or am I just one part  
Of some big plan?

Isshin:  
Even those who are gone  
Are with us as we go on  
Your journey has only begun

Tears of pain, tears of joy  
One thing nothing can destroy  
Is our pride, deep inside  
We are one

We are one, you and I  
We are like the earth and sky  
One family under the sun

All the wisdom to lead  
All the courage that you need  
You will find when you see  
We are one.

**head bong and they return to their seats**

Isshin: I got to sing such a beautiful song with my daughter **bursts out crying**

Ichigo: Oh geez, Dad. Get ahold of yourself, will you?

Karin: Please tell me I at least get to grow up into a totally kickass lioness in the movie.

CQueen: I wouldn't say kickass, though she wasn't a wimp either. You got the guy though, if that makes you feel better.

Ichigo: It doesn't.

CQueen: Wasn't talking to you, Carrot Head

Yuzu: Well I thought it was a nice song and I think we should move on to the next.

Hana: Yes, that would be best, wouldn't it?

Isane: You mean best for everyone besides the person stuck singing the last song. She always saves a special song for last, doesn't she?

Yachiru: Bead Head might be on to something there. So who is the last singer today?

Ichigo: It better not be anyone in my family.

Nanao: You do realize that just tempts her to mess with you more, don't you?

CQueen: Well as it happens no member of the Kurosaki family will be singing the last song. The last song, since you're all so eager to get to it, will be sung by the second division captain. It's from Toy Story 2, and just like our first song this is the first song from that Disney movie. It's called 'When Somebody Loved Me'.

Soifon: Make someone else your puppet, you crazy moron.

CQueen: Sorry, but this song is absolutely made for you and you can't talk me out of it.

Yoruichi: I'll do it for her, would that be alright?

Soifon: Captain! No.

CQueen: No is right.

**head bong and Soifon appears onstage dressed up like a traditional Chinese doll**

Soifon:

When my captain loved me,  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart  
And when she was sad,  
I was there to dry her tears  
And when she was happy,  
So was I  
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall  
We had each other, that was all  
Just she and I together,  
Like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely,  
I was there to comfort her  
And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by  
I stayed the same  
But she began to drift away  
I was left alone  
Still I waited for the day  
When she'd say I will always love you

Lonely and forgotten,  
I'd never thought she'd look my way  
And she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do  
Like she loved me  
When she loved me

When my captain loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart

When she loved me

**head bong for Soifon to return to her seat**

**Soifon faints dead away from the embarrassment**

Omaeda: Captain!

Yoruichi: No! I am so, so sorry! Forgive me, Soifon, I'm the worst former captain ever!

CQueen: And on that happy note we'll see you all next time.

**curtains closes**


	27. Twenty Seventh Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original parts added to the lyrics and the situations I put the characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way Disney is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

Twenty Seventh Act

CQueen: Hello, everyone, how are you all doing? Miss me terribly?

Hisagi: That must be one of those rhetorical questions, because you know we don't like you. We'd feed you to the Hallows if we could.

Isane: We would not! Don't say such things. We're supposed to protect her and the other humans from Hallows, not feed them to the things.

Renji: Oh don't lie, you want her dead too but you're just too sweet to say so. There isn't a person here who can honestly say otherwise.

Yoruichi: Actually, I find her sense of humour rather hilarious.

Zaraki: You would.

Matsumoto: It is rather fun watching others be tortured...it's just when you're the one being tortured that it stops being so funny.

Hitsugaya: Matsumoto...as your captain I forbid you to encourage her in any way, shape or form!

CQueen: Awww, everyone's a critic. Though I'm not quite what it says about me that those two enjoy my way of thinking.

Nanao: It's only those two because no one else would be that crazy.

Kyoraku: Actually...

Nanao: Quiet!

CQueen: How you two do love each other. But the first song for today has nothing to do with love and everything to do with hate and mistrust. This song was actually requested and I hope it will be enjoyed. It's taken from the second Lion King movie and is called "Not One of Us." It will be sang by various members of the Gotei and will be about the three disgraced captains who deceived them all.

**head bang and Gotei members appear onstage dressed as various animals**

Gotei:  
Deception  
Disgrace  
Evil as plain as the smirks on their face

Third Division:  
Deception (An outrage!)

Gotei:  
(They can't change their stripes!)

Tenth Division:  
Disgrace (For shame!)

Gotei:  
(You know these Outsider types!)

Yachiru:  
They asked for trouble the moment they came

Gotei:  
(See you later, agitators!)

Thirteenth Division:  
Deception (An outrage!)

Gotei:  
(Just leave us alone!)

Sixth Division:  
Disgrace (For shame!)

Gotei:  
(Traitors, go back with your own!)

Omaeda:  
They asked for trouble the moment they came

Gotei:  
(See you later, agitators!)

Causers of grief  
Raisers of hate  
Helpless to defy their fate  
Let them run  
Let them live  
But do not forget  
What we cannot forgive

And they are not one of us  
They have never been one of us  
They are not part of us  
Not our kind

Someone once lied to us  
Now we're not so blind  
For we knew they would do what they did  
And we know that they'll never be one of us

They are not one of us

Ukitake:  
Deception

Kyoraku:  
Disgrace

Ukitake:  
Deception

Kyoraku:  
Disgrace

Ukitake:  
Deception

General:  
Oohh...

**head bang and they're back in their seats**

CQueen: I think that went rather well over all. What did you guys think?

Kira: Well I guess it could have been worse. Not that that's saying much.

Yachiru: Well I think it should be the new theme song whenever the asseholes come around. Not only is it true, but it would drive them and the Arrancars nuts. Something good should come out of this after all.

CQueen: That might infringe on some copyrights, but I'd love to see the Disney Corporation try to stop you, Yachiru. Actually no, I wouldn't...they wouldn't be able to produce more films if all the bosses ended up dead.

Nemu: That would indeed be a great loss.

CQueen: Especially since they've started going old school with their movies again. The next one is a remake of Repunzel called 'Tangled' and it looks like it might be as good as "The Princess and The Frog". I'm definitely going to see it as soon as it comes out.

Nemu: I'm looking forward to it too.

Kurotsuchi: Hey! I've told you no more Disney movies! Were you not listening? I forbid it.

CQueen: And I un-forbid her. You make her depressed enough without denying her Disney too. Everyone needs a little Disney magic in their lives. It's one of the things that makes life worth putting up with.

Nanao: But one has to wonder if you'd be more normal if your parents hadn't exposed you to it.

Kurotsuchi: No. In my medical opinion she was always beyond help. Her brain is horribly deformed and twisted. She should be given to me for medical experimentation so that I can ensure that there is never another creature like her. Her D.N.A. needs to be eradicated now.

CQueen: If anyone other than you had said that I'd probably be a little worried...but your brain is even more twisted and deformed than mine. Which again should not be possible, but there you go.

Kurotsuchi: You're worse!

CQueen: No, you're worse. Everyone here would agree that you should have a shrink. Or they would except any shrink worth their PHD would take one look at your ugly face and get the hell out of there so fast you'd get whiplash.

Nemu: Well they would try to leave...but he wouldn't let them. He'd want to experiment on them.

CQueen: True. And a good shrink is a terrible thing to waste. Probably. Anyways, the second song for today is taken from 'Mulan' and is another song that has repeatedly been asked for. It's "I'll Make A Man Out Of You", and I hope you will enjoy this version of it.

**head bang and Yoruichi, Ichigo, Orihime, Chad and Ishida appear onstage dressed in Chinese warrior garb**

Yoruichi:  
Let's get down to business-to defeat Captains.  
Did they send me losers when I asked for guns?  
You're the saddest bunch I ever met  
But you can bet before we're through  
Humans, I'll make a reaper out of you

Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot  
And you haven't got a clue  
Somehow I'll make a man out of you!

Ichigo:  
I'm never gonna catch my breath

Chad:  
Say good-bye to those who knew me

Ishida:  
Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Urahara:  
This girl's got 'em scared to death

Orihime:  
Hope she doesn't see right through me

Ichigo:  
Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!

All:  
(To Be a reaper)  
We must be swift as the coursing river  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Yoruichi:

Time is racing toward us till the day arrive  
Heed my every order and you might survive  
You're unsuited for the rage of war  
So pack up, go home, you're through  
How could I make a reaper out of you?

All:  
(To Be a reaper)  
We must be swift as the coursing river  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(To Be a reaper)  
We must be swift as the coursing river  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the force of a great typhoon  
(To Be a reaper)  
With all the strength of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

**all return to their seats**

CQueen: Another good one, I believe. Not one of my best, but all around decent. What did you all think? Should I have used different people? That was why it took so long to use it. I just couldn't make up my mind.

Yachiru: Well that's no surprise, given how small your mind must be.

CQueen: I'd be insulted, but again, I don't care what you think either. Your brain died from a sugar coma centuries ago. At least mine is still functioning to some degree.

Yachiru: Oh but you are going to pay for that.

Zaraki: There's no point in getting riled up just yet, we're trapped here for the time being.

Yachiru: But..but...

CQueen: Listen to your, Daddy, Pink-haired one.

Matsumoto: Lets not fight, fighting gets us nowhere. We only have one song left to do and then she'll go back to torturing Harry Potter characters like always. Let's encourage her to do that, okay?

Hitsugaya: That actually makes sense.

Matsumoto: Always the tone of surprise when that happens.

CQueen: Now that's a very Ron Weasley thing to say. But you do have a pretty valid point. And the last song is actually rather clever in my opinion. I didn't think I could use it and then I had one of my rare strokes of genius.

Kuchiki: There are many words I would apply to you but genius is not one of them.

CQueen: I don't want to know what those words are.

Kuchiki: Now that was one of your rare strokes of genius.

CQueen: Oh ha ha ha. Very funny. On to the next and final song before I decide to be mean. This one is from 'The Aristocats' and it's called 'Her Love For Us' and it will feature Orihime's little fairy creatures. Their first appearance here and hopefully you'll all support their efforts!

** does her head bong and the Shun Shun Rikka appear onstage dressed as cats**

Shun Shun Rikka:

Through all our days  
In tender ways  
Her love for us was shown  
And so, you see  
We can't leave her alone

She's always said  
That we're the greatest  
Treasure she could own  
Because with us  
She never felt alone

Her troubles would disappear  
Long as she could have us near  
Darling, can't you see  
We're her only family!

Her days were filled  
With happy hours  
Although her youth had flown  
And that is why  
She never felt alone

**the six return to reform into Orihime's barrettes**

Orihime: You guys were so great! I'm so proud of you and I'm so touched!

CQueen: They were great, and now it's time to say good bye until next time!

**curtains close once more**


	28. Twenty Eighth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is. Thanks so much for reading, my best to all, and have a great day.

Twenty Eighth Act

CQueen: So once again we find ourselves together. Have you all been missing me horribly?

Yachiru: You always ask that question and the answer always stays the same. No we didn't miss you. We want you dead or dying in some ditch where the rats can feast upon your evil, twisted remains.

Hinamori: Well that's a little harsh.

Hitsugaya: Yes, just dead and buried would be fine with us.

CQueen: Well sorry I'm not dead yet.

Ukitake: And she doesn't even have to die really, if she would just stop-

General: No, she has to die. It's been decided.

Kyoraku: But she does occasionally write some very nice things, Sir.

Nanao: Quiet, Sir. The General has spoken.

Kyoraku: But, Nanao chan.

Nanao: Don't 'But Nanao chan' me.

CQueen: Yeah, messing with her is never a good idea, Shunsui. And you look silly enough without her rearranging your face into a mosaic. It's a nice face.

Soifon: And the longer we chat the longer we have to wait for the stupid songs to begin. So everyone just shut up and let the woman work.

CQueen: Thank you, Captain.

Soifon: I didn't do it for you. I just want to get this thing over with again.

CQueen: Yeah, I know that, but still, thanks.

Byakuya: So as her thanks will you get on with it, please?

CQueen: I suppose, especially since you said please. So for the first song I'm going to introduce you to a song many of you probably have never heard of, from a movie you've probably didn't know existed. The movie is called "The Gnome Mobile" and the song is called "Riding Along In The Gnome Mobile". It will be sung by all members of the Gotei, since they've been missing the fun so much.

**head bang and the members of the Gotei appear onstage**

The Gotei:

The Hollow Masks, the Hollow Masks  
Hunting for baddies in the Hollow Masks  
Sooner or later we feel that we'll  
Find where they are with the Hollow Masks

In the Hollow Masks, the Hollow Masks  
Hunting for baddies in the Hollow Masks  
Sooner or later we feel that we'll  
Find where they are in the Hollow Masks

As we race along through the countryside  
We're keeping our peepers open wide  
Looking to find where they may hide  
The Arrancar baddies who are going to die

In the Hollow Masks, the Hollow Masks  
We're hunting for baddies in the Hollow Masks  
Sooner or later we feel that we'll  
Find where thye are in the Hollow Masks

Oh, the Hollow Masks is a deadly thing  
The like, of which, I have never seen!  
But you're not too fast, you big dumbie  
When I look where I'm going that's where you be!

In the Hollow Masks, the Hollow Masks  
We're hunting for baddies in the Hollow Masks  
Sooner or later we feel that we'll  
Find where they roam in the Hollow Masks

In the Hollow Masks, the Hollow Masks  
We're hunting for baddies in the Hollow Masks  
Sooner or later we feel that we'll  
Find where they roam in the Hollow Masks

**head bang to return them to their seats**

CQueen: Now that was creativity, don't you think?

Hisagi: And it was originally about hunting gnomes? What are gnomes?

Nemu: They're small, mystical creatures who are said to resemble humans somewhat. Rather like an elf or a leprechaun.

Matsumoto: Gotta love elves, especially their pointy little ears.

Hitsugaya: You and pointy ears.

Nanao: Enough about the pointy ears. Can we just get back to whatever new song she's got lined up after this one? I just want to get this over with.

Ukitake: I'd like to know what the next song is too.

CQueen: Which is another way of asking me to hurry things up, right?

Ukitake: Well I...

CQueen: Don't worry, I like your way of moving me along much better than hers. And since I'm going to see a movie shortly I figure I'll let you keep this chapter moving quickly. The second song has been highly requested as well, but I could never decide who to use it for. The song is from "Aladdin" and it's called "A Whole New World". It will be sung by Karin and Histugaya.

**head bang and Hitsugaya and Karin appear onstage dressed in Middle Eastern garbs **

Hitsugaya: I can show you the world  
Shining shimmering splendid  
Tell me, Karin, now when did  
you last let your heart decide

I can open your eyes  
Take you wonder by wonder  
Over, sideways, and under  
On a magic carpet ride  
A whole new world  
A new fantastic point of view  
No one to tell us no  
Or where to go  
Or say we're only dreaming

Karin: A whole new world  
A dazzling place I never knew  
But when I'm way up here  
It's crystal clear  
That now I'm in a whole new world  
With you

Hitsugaya: Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Karin: Unbelievable sights  
Indescribable feeling  
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling  
Through an endless diamond sky  
A whole new world

Hitsugaya: Don't you dare close your eyes

Karin: A hundred thousand things to see

Hitsugaya: Hold your breath- it gets better

Karin: I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where i used to be

Hitsugaya: A whole new world

Karin: Every turn a surprise

Hitsugaya: With new horizons to pursue

Karin: Every moment red-letter

Both: I'll chase them anywhere,  
There's time to spare,  
Let me share this whole new world with you

Hitsugaya: A whole new world

Karin: A whole new world

Hitsugaya: That's where we'll be

Karin: That's where we'll be

Hitsugaya: A thrilling chase

Karin: A wondrous place

Both: For you and me

**head bang and the two return to their seats**

CQueen: Don't they make such a cute couple?

Ichigo: No, they really don't.

Karin: Let's just drop it, okay? Isn't it better to just get through these? You know fighting amongst ourselves gets us nowhere.

CQueen: Yeah, especially since I don't think your torture is going to go on much longer, guys. I really am starting to run out of songs to inspire more chapters. I've used up most of my favourites by now, all the good ones anyway. Plus I don't like using songs I can't alter and make my own.

Soifon: Finally, some good news.

General: How much longer do you intend to torture us, huh?

CQueen: Well I'm toying with stopping after the thirtieth act. Either that or the hundredth song. Time will tell of course. I'm a fickly writer sometimes.

Ishida: And then after that you'll stop torturing us?

CQueen: Well there's still is a couple unfinished BLEACH fics, remember? But you don't figure into them much so I suppose you shouldn't be terribly worried. You aren't one of my favourite characters after all.

Ishida: Which I'm thankful for, believe me.

Ichigo: Lucky bastard.

CQueen: You too, as you'll recall. I mostly leave you alone as well. In fact, you have nothing to complain about except for the fact that I've been known to find your sisters boyfriends.

Ichigo: Which is crime enough, you know.

CQueen: Yeah, yeah, so you've told me, Carrot Top.

Isshin: He's such a good big brother. His mother would be so, so proud!

Ichigo: Dad, don't you dare do one of your mother rants.

CQueen: And to insure that doesn't happen we'll go to the next and final song for this act. It's from the film "Hocus Pocus" and is called "Come Little Children." It will be sung by Aizen, who I've been neglecting far too much as well. I hope you enjoy it.

Aizen:

Come Little Arrancars

I'll Take Thee Away, Into A Land

Of Enchantment

Come Little Arrancars

The Time's Come To Play

Here In My Desert

Of Power

Follow Sweet Arrancars

I'll Show Thee The Way

Through All The Pain And

The Sorrows

Weep Not Poor Arrancars

For Life Is This Way

Murdering Beauty And

Passions

Hush Now Dear Arrancars

It Must Be This Way

Too Weary Of Life And

Deceptions

Rest Now My Arrancars

For Soon We'll Away

Into The Calm And

The Quiet

Come Little Arrancars

I'll Take Thee Away, Into A Land

Of Enchantment

Come Little Arrancars

The Time's Come To Play

Here In My Desert

Of Shadows

**head bang and Aizen returns to seat**

Cqueen: And that is that for another day. Any last thoughts or questions before we call it a night, everyone?

Yachiru: Yeah, can you die now, please?

Cqueen: I love you guys too, ciao!

**and so ends the latest act**


	29. Twenty Ninth Act

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way things are. Thanks for reading, I hope you have enjoyed this fanfic.

Twenty Ninth Act

All is dark in the auditorium, the seats around the stage crowded with the various members of the BLEACH community. Everyone is speaking in whispered tones, sensing that there is something different about this act.

They are right.

A single light appears to illuminate the stage, a lone figure pushing aside the curtains to take center stage. The figure is a tall brunette in her mid twenties, her demeanor solemn as she walks over to stand facing the curious men, women and other before her.

"Hello, Everyone. You must all be wondering why this is starting off so differently."

"So that's the enemy." Yachiru muttered, giving her captain a feral smile. "Picking her off will be easy as pie once we get free of these shackles."

"If we ever get free." Nemu pointed out, thinking that the lieutenant was being overly optimistic. "Given how many Disney films there are, and the fact that new ones are created every year, it is feasible to assume that she could keep us all prisoners for a very long time to come."

CQueen smiles at Nemu. "That is an excellent point, but alas, this wonderful fic of mine must now come to an end."

"You're getting our hopes up just so you can squash them, aren't you?" Aizen sneered, glaring at the brunette with blant hostility. "That's what I would do but you're under estimating all of us because we won't break that easily."

"I can see how you might think that of me but I am being honest here. Apparently the way I have been formatting this fic is in violation of the Fanfiction Net rules. I have to change the format or it will be deleted. Unfortunately there's no other way to really write this fanfic and so I'm stuck ending it now."

The room buzzes as everyone discusses this announcement.

"And so I will present the last four Disney songs and that will be it. Thank you all for being a part of my wonderful madness, I'm sorry that it couldn't continue. The first song is from 'Pete's Dragon' and it is called 'We Have A Bill of Sale'. It will feature the entire twelfth division and Captain Ukitake."

**CQueen disappears from the stage to be replaced by the Twelfth division and Captain Ukitake**

Kurotsuchi:  
Ukitake, that girl is ours!

Twelfth Division:  
We got a bill of sale right here

Kurotsuchi:  
That says she belongs to us

Twelfth Seats:  
We made her fair and square last year  
And we own the little cuss

Kurotsuchi:  
Look here, read the writin' that gives us a legal claim

Twelfth Division:  
Oh we got a bill of sale right here

Kurotsuchi:  
With dear little Nemu's name!

Ukitake:  
I don't believe it

Kurotsuchi:  
We got a bill of sale in hand  
and lord, if you don't budge

Twelfth Seats:  
We'll pick ya up right where you stand  
And bring ya before the judge

Ukitake:  
No Sir!

Twelfth Division:  
That girl is our property  
Same as the family cow  
'Cause we got a bill of sale right here  
And we're gonna take her now

Ukitake (Twelfth Division in Brackets):  
You can't have her (gotta do her chores)  
You don't love her (make her wash the doors)  
All you've done (shine shoes) up to now (turn screws) is break her heart (fix the broken fuse)  
You'll abuse her (she's so good at feedin 'hogs)  
And just use her (feedin' us and choppin' logs)  
Look out, or I'll take you apart (we'd like to see you try it)

Twelfth Division:  
We got a bill of sale right here  
She's ours until she dies

Ukitake:  
Stay where you are - just one more move  
And you'll get it between the eyes  
You won't make a slave of her  
Even if you connive

Twelfth Division:  
Yes we will, cause we got a bill of sale right here  
We got a bill of sale right here  
We got a bill of sale right here, right here!

Ukitake:  
You can't have her  
You don't love her  
All you've done up to now is break her heart  
You'll abuse her  
And just use her  
Watch out, or I'll take you apart (we'd like to see you try it)

Twelfth Division:  
We got a bill of sale right here  
that says she belongs to us  
Fight all ya want  
Won't do no good to holler and fume and fuss

Ukitake:  
Leave town, keep on goin' before I can count to five!

Kurotsuchi:  
We got a bill of sale right here (I'll protect...)

Twelfth Seats:  
We got a bill of sale right here (...her...as)  
We got a bill of sale right here, right here! (...long as I'm...alive!)

**head bang and they return to their seats, CQueen reappearing on the stage**

"The next song has been requested a lot, and I have to say that this version of it isn't one of my best. But I couldn't end this fanfic without doing Ursula's infamous song, 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' from 'The Little Mermaid'. Yoruichi will be singing it with Ichigo, hope you like it."

**head bang and CQueen disappears once more, Yoruichi appearing onstage in her fighting attire, Ichigo dressed in his school uniform**

YORUICHI  
The only way to get what you want is to become a reaper yourself.

ICHIGO  
Can you do that?

YORUICHI  
My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for.  
To help unfortunate menfolk like yourself.  
Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I've been a bit nasty  
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a bitch  
But you'll find that nowadays  
I've mended all my ways  
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch  
To this  
And I fortunately know a little magic  
It's a talent that I always have possessed  
And dear boy, please don't laugh  
I use it on behalf  
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate men  
In pain, in need  
This one longing to be tougher  
That one wants to get the girl  
And do I help them?  
Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate men  
So sad, so true  
They come flocking to my dojo  
Crying, "Help, Yoruichi, please!"  
And I help them!  
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice  
Someone couldn't pay the price  
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals  
Yes I've had the odd complaint  
But on the whole I've been a saint  
To those poor unfortunate men

Have we got a deal?

ICHIGO  
If I become a reaper, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.

YORUICHI  
But you'll have your power, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh.  
Oh, and there is one more thing.  
We haven't discussed the subject of payment.

ICHIGO  
But I don't have-

YORUICHI  
I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!  
What I want from you is - your voice.

ICHIGO  
But without my voice, how can I-

YORUICHI  
You'll have your looks, your pretty face.  
And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha!  
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber  
They think a guy who gossips is a bore!  
Yes on land it's much preferred for fighters not to say a word  
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?  
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation  
True gentlemen avoid it when they can  
But they duel and strike and fawn  
On a man who's withdrawn  
It's he who holds his tongue who get's ahead

Come on you poor unfortunate men  
Go ahead!  
Make your choice!  
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day  
It won't cost much  
Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate man  
It's sad but true  
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet  
You've got the pay the toll  
Take a gulp and take a breath  
And go ahead and sign the scroll  
Omaeda, Soifon, now I've got him, boys  
The boss is on a roll  
This poor unfortunate man

Beluga sevruga  
Come winds of the Caspian Sea  
Larengix glaucitis  
Et max laryngitis  
La voce to me

Now, sing!

ICHIGO  
Aah...

YORUICHI:  
Keep singing!

**head bang from offstage and the two leave the stage to reappear in their seats**

"Well that was fun." Yoruichi smiled, waving at the writer who had returned to the stage. "Thanks for casting me for all the awesome, villain songs."

Laughing, CQueen waved back. "Glad you liked them so much. The next song is very much a villain song as well, though Aizen will be taking the role as it suits him so well. I hope you all enjoy having him and the Arrancars sing 'Out There' from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dome'."

**The latest victims appear onstage in their uniforms**

**Aizen**

The world is cruel  
The world is wicked  
It's I alone whom you can trust in this whole city  
I am your only friend  
I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you  
I who look upon you without fear  
How can I protect you all, unless you  
Always stay in here  
Away in here  
_Remember what I taught you, Arrancars_  
You are deformed

**Arrancars**

We are deformed

**Aizen**

And you are ugly

**Arrancars**

And we are ugly

**Aizen**

And these are crimes  
For which the world  
Shows little pity  
You do not comprehend

**Arrancars**

You are our one defender

**Aizen**

Out there they'll revile you  
As a monster

**Arrancars**

We are monsters

**Aizen**

Out there they will hate  
And scorn and jeer

**Arrancars**

Only a monster

**Aizen**

Why invite their calumny  
And consternation?  
Stay in here  
Be faithful to me

**Arrancars**

We're faithful

**Aizen**

Grateful to me

**Arrancars**

We're grateful

**Aizen**

Do as I say, obey  
And stay in here

**Arrancars**

We'll stay in here

**Ulquiorra:**

Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone  
Gazing at the people down below me  
All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone  
Hungry for the histories they show me  
All my life I memorize their faces  
Knowing them as they will never know me  
All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day  
Not above them  
But part of them

And out there  
Living in the sun  
Give me one day out there  
All I ask is one  
To hold forever

Out there  
Where they all live unaware  
What I'd give  
What I'd dare  
Just to live one day out there

Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives  
Through the roofs and gables I can see them  
Ev'ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives  
Heedless of the gift it is to be them  
If I was in their skin  
I'd treasure ev'ry instant

Out there  
Strolling by the Seine  
Taste a morning out there  
Like ordinary men  
Who freely walk about there  
Just one day and then  
I swear I'll be content  
With my share  
Won't resent  
Won't despair  
Old and bent  
I won't care  
I'll have spent  
One day  
Out there

**all characters return to their seats. The stage becoming lit by only a single spot light**

Standing in the spotlight CQueen sighs, looking out at the characters who'd she'd enjoyed tormenting so much for years. It was all coming to a bittersweet end. "I hope you all enjoyed the three songs you've just heard rewritten and than you'll like the forth and final song just as much. This song is actually not a Disney movie, but I decided I could use it for my last song since it was produced by a company owned by Disney. Thank you all for sticking with this fanfic for so long, I loved to hear your suggestions and reviews. Members of the BLEACH community, I'd say no hard feelings but I know there are plenty. So to everyone, I bid you a fond adieu. The last song will be 'Thanks For All The Fish' from 'A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy'."

**All BLEACH characters appear onstage dressed as dolphins**

Male Cast:

So long and thanks for all the reviews  
So sad that it should come to this  
We tried to warn you all but oh dear?

You may not share our intellect  
Which might explain your disrespect  
For all the natural wonders that  
grow around you

So long, so long and thanks  
for all the reviews

Female Cast:

The writer's about to be destroyed  
There's no point getting all annoyed

All Members:

Lie back and let the scene dissolve

Despite those fanfic sheets  
We thought that most of you were sweet  
Especially tiny tots and your  
pregnant women

Male Members:

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

Female Members:

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long  
So long, so long and thanks  
for all the reviews

Yoruichi:

If I had just one last wish  
I would like a tasty fish

Unohana:

If we could just change one thing  
We would all have learnt to sing

All Members

Come one and all  
Man and reaper

Side by side in life's great gene pool  
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long  
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks  
for all the reviews!

**BLEACH members burst through the curtains to go find the writer and kill her**

THE END


End file.
